Maximilion & Julia Sanchez's Blog

I have never been more afraid of Santa
Date: Jan 26th, 2007 12:26:50 pm - Subscribe
Mood: ech *creepy*


Throughout my childhood, I have been told various stories about a so called “fictional” man named Santa Clause and his eight reindeer. A jolly, overweight alcoholic who wears red velvet and combat boots lined with fur. His reindeer consist of Ajax, Dawn, Blizzard, Dash-Away, Dancer, Nancy, Stupid and Vegan, soon to be joined by Rudolph the Alcoholic. Of course this is not what is presented to the public at first… But I’m older now and I can read between the lines.

I found stories of Santa as a child scary. Now, I find them disturbing. A merry Christmas song sings, “he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when your awake…” I have thought about placing a restraining order against my seasonal stalker, but I am afraid that he will send one of his angry moose after me. I am also convinced that he has a criminal record.

A criminal record helps the pieces of the puzzle to fit. This explains why Santa doesn’t fly by plane, travel by bus, boat, or drive. His criminal record, which probably consists of B&E and several D.U.I.’s, has gotten his license revoked, and he probably can’t leave the country. Why don’t we take a closer look at reality? Santa, if that really is his name, lives in isolation in the North Pole. As for Mrs. Clause? No one has ever seen her before. Either he’s holding her captive, or she doesn’t exist.

I am very confused on the matter of how a large, velvet wearing man has to do with the birth of Jesus? Whoever thought of this needs a new marketing director. I wrote to Santa when I was a child. I received no letter back. The other day I was on a website, www.downloads.com, and came across a program that allows you to make up a false Santa email address so that when your child emails Santa, they will get an email back from him. Personally, that is a question of beliefs and boundaries. Why would I lie at such an extreme to my child so that they will buy into the cheap commercialized holidays of today?

I conclusion, I fear Santa and how he has hypnotized the world with his “jolly” ways. Anyone who wears red velvet top and pants with combat boots and has angry moose named after dish detergents, house hold cleaning supplies and natural disasters is just plain creepy. I will stick with my Christmas tree thank you. And as for other holidays, everyone knows the Easter bunny is way cooler.

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