October Edition
Date: Oct 25th, 2006 1:36:53 am - Subscribe
Mood: laughable
The Haunting Maximilion Newsletter
October Octubre Octobre Oktober Ottobre Outubro Октябрь 10 月 2006
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Joke of the Month:
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
Evil Fortune of the month:
Don’t chase the Mongoose. Even if the situation is desperate. Don’t chase the Mongoose.
International Creepy Rhythm:
Nathalie Choquette: La Muse et la Lune
Creepiest Album of the Month:
The Jackal OST
Most Haunting Story:
The Legend of Sleepy Hollow
Written By Washington Irving
Find it here at Free Literature http://www.bartleby.com/310/2/2.html
Website of the Month:
Find Emo the Angry Rock at http://www.totoro.org/emo/
Word of the Month:
Tmesis: Separation of the parts of a word by another word, e.g. abso-bloody-lutely
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Monthly Journal
Good Morning beautiful world. Speaking of world, does anyone remember there being a “Legend of Zelda” cartoon? Well I found it on Azureous. They’re about fifteen minutes each. Not much for the ear or eye as Link pretends to be a man more often than not which is most annoying. But I couldn’t help but chuckle anyways at what a babe Zelda is and what a twit Link is. *chuckle* I actually felt rewarded and thankful that as a child of the nineties I could appreciate such crap. *sigh* Anyways. That’s my flashback for now. Other than that did you guys know that Squirrel Pudding isn’t actually made of squirrels? I was thinking of letting my neighbor know before he finds out the hard way.
Cheers.
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Today’s Solemn Debate: CSI vs. X-Files
In the end, the truth is out there…
Most recently I have discovered that channel M is playing the show “The X-Files” which stages every week day after Letterman. (aprox 12:35am) When I watched the show I was rather pleased to see that I could watch a good mystery without consistent amounts of gore or drama. I am usually an avid CSI viewer but as of the last few months find the blood and dramatic makeup a bit much for my taste.
I have also been known to enjoy a good wholesome episode of ‘old fashioned’ “Law & Order” (insert Law & Order Concluding sound here) the one they used to play with Samuel Waterston and Benjamin Bratt. I just haven’t been enjoying shiny new crime scene drama. The gushing blood just isn’t as enticing as it once was. So now I plan on including ‘the X-Files’ in my regular routine. No more oddly disturbing brain malfunctions and blood spatters on a camera lens. No more male transvestite lesbian clowns trapped in a killers body with bad hair. I’ll stick with my aliens thank you. The noticeably plastic severed hands and water with food dye blood and authentic 90’s style of solving paranormal crime. Yup. That’ll do it.
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I am sure this segment has a name. I just don’t know what it’s called…
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The Mummy
It’s time to poke fun at classic Halloween characters. Let’s start with the beloved Mummy. Although his appearance may not be too frightening I am sure that he is every surgeon’s lawsuit nightmare. Further more, is it really respectful of us to ‘make fun’ out of an ancient Egyptian tradition? Or was it common for them to pull pranks similar to this. “Hey guys, Omar is going to pretend to the dead guy at the ceremony. This is going to be hilarious. When the time is right he’s going to jump out and scare the canopic jars out his hands! Don’t tell Bob.” And what if the guys performing the ritual decided that they wanted to get home in time to watch ‘Law & Order Criminal Intent’ and would skip the embalming process and jump straight to the wrapping and burial part. Omar would be screwed. On the upside he would have gotten a free bath and smell great.
Max Rating of +6
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Rock Star
Grow up. Find a job. Move out of your parents’ house. And Buster wasn’t ‘shot’. He was taken care of the ‘old yeller’ way. During my commute each morning I see these kids dressed like their about to ‘bring in the new hell year’. Okay, I can respect one’s desire to look like an eighteen year old rock star with a twenty four hour erection that’s just rolled out of bed and has an extreme hang over as though they’ve banged every chic in the country and by banged I do mean they were so drunk off their arse that they just went up to some random girl and started to make obscene gestures but do they really have to use that much hair product? And alright I get it; you wore a tie with a kilt and hooker boots. Ooh boogey boogey, you’re out to make trouble for the establishment. But why for the love of candy would you dress up as one of these people for Halloween? *throws hands up in the air*
Max Rating of -4
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Nun/Priest
Oh no. *slaps forehead*. Although I suppose the thought of this one is actually the scariest thing you could be. First off: your celibate. Secondly you’re like God’s secretary. (And not the one who gets weekends and holidays off.) The good news is (no pun intended) that you’re now union based. Alright that’s a start. The bad news is Ted in accounting is conveniently laundering money on the side through the system. Not to mention if you ever use the Lord’s name in vain he shows up, “What? Look Sister Kate that’s the fourth time today. WTF?” Although I suppose Halloween for them is like, “Look Sister Kate! I’m a Christian this year!” And Sister Kate would be all, “Ruth damnit! As a Catholic I don’t approve of your costume!” And Sister Ruth would be all, “That’s alright Sister Kate. I’m a Christian, I’ll forgive you.”
Max Rating of +6.66
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TRL TOMB RAIDER LEGEND REVIEW
A few months ago I purchased the “TRL” (Tomb Raider Legend) PC game. Yes PC. Overall the game wasn’t too difficult. Lara is sexier than ever and her nemesis looks so malnourished it makes you tilt your head and squint your eyes each time you see her. Meanwhile I couldn’t help but wonder, Has Lara outdone herself with stupid rather than foxy? I dig her wardrobe and absolutely love her humble abode. But… Hear me out… I see villain. Initial reaction kill villain. Lara’s initial reaction: “hey the ceiling is pretty!” WTF!?!?! Lara I am going to let the mercenaries kick your ass rather than continually saving your dumb neck.
WHY? Apparently in the Eidos meeting some moron was all about: “Because we have an action cam whenever Lara whips out her pistols she’ll face the direction of the camera not the direction of the target. And also!!! When she is firing how about we not let her turn around. What if we disabled that part.”
That man deserves to be shot. Why? Because I spent ten seconds shooting at the ceiling while the action cam so gracefully moved in circles around me while pointing in an upward direction. damn. But it’s not all downhill from here. On the extra points side when pressing the jump button twice you can jump on a guy and then the game will slam into ‘slow motion’ which is so fit. On top of this I appreciate the way they have inserted a kind of Kings Quest feel for the Croft Mansion as you get to solve a mystery.
So despite Lara gone stupid and Eidos whoring off TRL to Crystal Dynamics which has unfortunately changed the biography of Lara and the plot of which the first six TR’s have been running on, I rather enjoyed myself playing.
Max Rating of +12
Not too mention for all of you who have the game, download the ‘trlsavegame.exe’ which will enthrall you by providing all the saved games you ever needed. Also, see the tombraiderchronicles webpage for WIN Patches for the game so it will run a bit smoother.
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