rest in peace BabyGirl <3
Date: May 13th, 2008 11:31:05 pm - Subscribe
Mood: faded
Thoughts: I love you forever Baby <3

Rest In Peace Meggers ♥

December 3, 1988 -- May 12, 2008

I'll miss you so much BabyGirl.

But you got your wings early, and I guarentee you're the most beautiful angel up there ♥

I won't be sad, because that's not what you would have wanted; I can feel your hand on my back and you voice in my ear just as if you were standing next to me saying, "Don't bitch out!"

Well cause trouble together again some day Meggers; I love you always baby ♥
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Finally catching on.
Date: Apr 21st, 2008 1:03:47 am - Subscribe
Mood: free
Thoughts: tah dah

It's slightly confusing, and neither of us ever actually said it, but I'm pretty sure I broke up with B. tonight?

I say pretty sure because I know he will probably call tomorrow, angry, and then eventually try to wheedle his way back in.

I guess he thought I was kidding when I said that if he ever had any sort of communication with A. again that I was gone, because I can't handle it. Not after everything that has happened.

And reminicing with her over all of it was just the last straw.

I think.

I cried for maybe five minutes, deep heart-wrenching sobs that brought me to the brink of physical sickness, but then I stopped abruptly. And smiled.

I feel completely free, though I know that I will be hurting in the morning, and if not then, in a few days time.

There is one thing that I'm getting some spiteful enjoyment out of:

His senior prom is next month. He could definately still find another date, and if he doesn't manage to wedge himself back into my heart he probably will. But it won't be the same for him, and I'm glad.

After all, he ruined my senior prom for me. Because that's where he met C., the girl he ended up leaving me for two summers ago, and spent most of the night clinging to her instead of me.

I'm still resentful, obviously.

Call me a bitch, but I want him to know how it feels. Finally.
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The other still a grim mystery.
Date: Apr 18th, 2008 11:08:11 pm - Subscribe
Mood: hollow
Thoughts: Fuck the Grim Reaper.

I've decided that people need to stop dying. Seriously, I know four girls and one boy who have died way before their time in the past couple of months. I know life is far from fair, but none of them had even gotten to their fifteenth birthday, and that's just depressing.

Maybe this is the crazy and passive suicidal idealistic part of me, but why should I get to live to eighteen when such sweet young kids had to die so young and so violently.

RIP Jess: died when her horse fell on her.

RIP Amy: hung herself.

RIP Dom and her two friends: hit by a car while crossing the road on a quad.

This whole thing reminds me somehow of the songs All The Same and What Are You Looking For by Sick Puppies. I don't know why. Like I said, I'm crazy.

Well, now that I'm thuroughly depressed, I'm off to bed.


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always at the most unexpected moments.
Date: Apr 1st, 2008 10:04:54 pm - Subscribe
Mood: peeved
Thoughts: damn boys.

You don't even know what you do to me.

Great. As if I needed more guy drama, G. drops that into my lap.

Sigh, I guess things had been too calm for too long.
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Life is a lemon and I want my money back.
Date: Mar 20th, 2008 4:47:49 am - Subscribe
Mood: whimsical
Thoughts: lawl

I'm annoyed with myself for letting my entries become so irritatingly haphazzard.

But then again I really don't have much to say. My life is boring.

There is the ever present back-and-forth, I-hate-you-don't-leave-me relationship with B., my ever decreasing mental state, and my friends and family constantly pissing me off to the point of murder and then making me love them more than life itself.

All in all, same old same old.

Except, B. and I bought a ferret together. He is albino and his name is Warlock. We love him dearly, yet for different reasons. For me, he is motivation to get up in the morning, and a deterrent from the unhappy thoughts that constantly lurk in the back of my mind. For B., he provides a stable sense of normality; knowing that he will act exactly the same toward him as the last time he saw him is utter heaven for B. He also loves the fact that Warlock makes me smile and laugh. According to him I don't do that much anymore, and when I think on it, it's true. It pains B. to know that he is, or is at least part of the reason that I don't so much anymore, and anything that gives me an excuse to is gold in his eyes.

Another thing. J. IM'd me today. I'm suprised she actually had the balls to even consider speaking to me, and I told her exactly that. She asked if she was supposed to be afraid of me. I said, no. You should be terrified, because you have absolutely no idea how close I literally came to murdering you that night.

She didn't say anything after that, so I guess she does have some brain cells after all.

And, after I stopped shaking from rage, I laughed. Hard. So hard that I fell out of my chair. So hard that I couldn't breathe, and actually scared my family.

Whether it was from incipient hysteria or not knowing what some people are thinking these days anymore, I don't know.

What I do know, or at least I think I know, is that things are starting to get better. I hope.
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