Shouldn't Have Gone Home
Date: Apr 9th, 2005 4:33:32 am - Subscribe
Mood: somber
My mother is disappointed in me again. Doesn't take much. I do something, she inquires about it, I get defensive, and she gets upset. Basically I inherited my father's and mother's worst traits. I am self loathing and cold like my mother. And I'm a foul-mouthed, selfish fuck-up like my father.
I thought that if I came home tonight everything would make sense and I wouldn't feel like such a loser. However, tonight did not go as planned. In fact, I feel worse than when I left GMU to come here.
My mother is never happy with anything that I do and neither am I. But I can ignore my mess ups.
It just dawns on me that I don't belong anywhere and no one really loves me, faults and all. I am just the girl that can't get it together. I wish I belonged somewhere. I thought that Dusty was the one person I could love and accept and he would do the same. But I am nothing to him. Just a way to pass the time till something better comes along. I thought I had found my close to center and was wrong so I thought I could always go home when I got confused but that isn't the case either. I have nothing left to keep me sane. So now what?!
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