|This Journal is FICTION only, and represents the private thoughts and feelings of a gorean slave of barbarian orgin. Gorean reading material is adult reading material and therefore not recommended for persons under the age of 18. No character IC has access to this Journal except for her Master James Sleen Peason. So please do not try to claim that you where able to get to it and read it. Also, take in mind as you read this, that these are her private thoughts. It is well known that wench/kamya is not a nice slave. She is a Karian one though and though. The journal too will show that. Don't like what you read.... Don't read it.|
As I sit here and look out the window into the starry night. My gaze can't help but to be drawn to the three moons. My thoughts seem to drift for a moment to all that has gone on over this last near en`var. I am thankful Master allows me this journal. Perhaps now I can settle all these thoughts that are floating though my mind.
I can't help but to wonder, as I sit here and write this, what has come over this city and the people in it... Perhaps some I can understand as they have been though a lot as of late and I know that it will take time to earn trust with him. I was thrilled when allowed the moment to come and kneel near him and speak. Little steps I know, but few get the chance to get close to him lately. But why do others seem to fear my being around? I am but a meer slave arn't I? Is there that many secrets that need to be kept? And why now? My focus is on one other things.. After all, I am en`slave. I have responsibilites. There is only one other thing that will pull my focus from my house and my Master. And that is trying to help Master in learning more of the recent happenings. So why now? Could the two be related?
So many unanswered questions with all that has gone on. A dagger sent to the clinic for Master K. He seemed to not be to sure about it, though it had Mistress S. all in and uproar. So, I snuck off their this evening as all where at the Inn. After all, I'm supposed to be keeping my eyes and ears opened for info. My acting skills paid off as I was able to sneak in and get a good look at it while Master Smithy kept watch for me. It is easy to get away with a lot as a slave. Little attention is paid to one. It was a short visit and I was out within the arms of Smithy and off to tell my Master of what I found. We shall see if it's of any news I suppose. Tomorrow I think I shall slip back to the DA inn and see if I might be able to find something someone missed.
As much as I would love to keep writing. It has been a long and hectic day. We have a new slaver woman visiting. The house is growing and I'm glad for that. Master too seems pleased about that and I hope it continues. The two cousins of Master seemed to get themselves into a bit of a pickle tonight. I do hope all will work out with that. Though I get the feeling that mouthy woman will make sure to get some coin out of it all.
My fears... that seemed to be the question of the day. And truely a question that I could have done without being asked. But then the man had asked me what topics I would not wish to talk about. Next time I'm asked that I think I shall remember to say fears. Instead I told him Mistress's and silky wanna be slaves. As I sat their and massages the mans shoulders I must say I was surprised that he took the time to speak to a simple slave. Most people don't seem to bother with us collared ones lately. I supose that's why I didn't realize just how deep he was getting with his questions. My fears... That is a topic that I work hard to keep hidden. I mean most know that I'm scared of sleens, but then I have a good reason for that. But my other fears I work well to keep locked up. After all, if the wrong people learned of them they could use them to get to me. And I need to be stong. A weekness could get me hurt.
I tried to give him simple basic answers but the blasted man wouldn't go for that. No, he had to dig deeper. Finally, I couldn't help but to open up more an start speaking of those fears. Although the quincher was when I found myself with my face just inches from the water as he asked me what it lonelier then the last few moments before death. Well kings I couldn't answer that one. But as I was struggling to get from him my sudden thinking that I wasn't afraid of death was quickly changed. For perhaps I do fear death... more so I fear the loss that death would bring. The loss of my Master in my life. The loss of feeling the grass and tems benieth my feet and the air against my face. Is it death that I fear? Yes, perhaps so. Once more it seemed I saw my life flashing before my eyes as he held me benieth the water. An the man was laughing as he let me back up. Ohh... I was so pissed at him. That was just not funny.
Master was concerned. Though not as angry as I thought he might be. But then, I wasn't actually harmed. Just shaken and as he said. The man had the right to ask me what he wished. An I must answer them. I know he's right. But still... I hope that if I ever run into that man again. We discuss the weather. It's a much safer topic ! I think.
Well, to much has happened this day. And I need sleep. I'll have a busy day tomorrow to make sure everything will be alright for the night. Perhaps I shall take time to wrote more tomorrow eve. Perhaps I won't be as stressed. Then again....
A darkness has hit this city we call home. One that seems to be dividing it. House against house. Family against family. Friendships torn an tested... Will it all end? How many will die from it all. One can only pray that people stop and think... this isn't right. Why fight within the city? Why not fight other city's? What happened to raiding and stealing from others?
Bah. My thoughts are perhaps running rampid with silly idea's. But then that's what happens I suppose when one gets grounded. Then again perhaps it's all the ta`wine I've had this day. Mistress said I could have something strong. Although she didn't say how much of it. But kings. After last night I'm surprised I wasn't hunting down any kanda.
We spoke a little last night on what was to come of me should anything happen to him. Freedom he said and I told him no. I'm surprised at times I don't get cuffed more often. But anyway's. Then he told me he would give me to someone else. Again I said no. I wished to die with him. Tonight though I told him should someone kill him perhaps I will take him up on that offer to be free. That way I can kill whoever killed him. And I would to, I don't care if I was killed after the fact. I would get my revenge.
It's hard not knowing who all one can trust anymore. It's hard being confined to the house. But I know well the risk of going out. And the risk of going against his orders. Neither one of those are to thrilling. So for now I will keep throwing myself into my work around the house. Soon he say's, perhaps all will settle down. One can hope...
Ungrounded, finally... though still under careful watch I am. I'm not to sure how to take that. I've never been one to take to being watched all the time. And though it gets hard, I do understand his reasonings. I am the slave to a thief. I am a slave that not many seem to trust. Perhaps I should take pride in that? Then again, that could be a no win situation. It makes life for me a little harder at times. I know my saftey is of Masters concern a lot, And though I know well his feelings for me it did make me wonder. Would people really use me to get to him? That question though was answered the other night. Master K threatend to cut peaces off me and feed me to my Master. Talk about a shocking visual image I got. Not a pretty one, nor one that I hope to ever experience. But yes... it seems some would use me to get to him.
I did manage to get out for a bit yesterday after begging Smithy. An what a trip that was. It seems like it never fails anymore when I go out. I always seem to run into that slaver Master. Yesterday was no exception. He was at the springs. Here I was thinking about a nice relaxing soak and no... I get pulled into amusing him I believe. I'm telling you, I think that Master test me at times. He had me worked up well, and then guided me to what he wanted. My body ached with need, though somewhere within the cloudyness of my mind I knew better, And got myself out of there. I know well how the Masters feel that get the brunt of Master and my game. Of course, not like that will put an end to the game. To many get enjoyment out of it, me included. But turn about is soo not fair play ! So worked up was I yesterday that I was ready to beg, something I do quiet often it seems anymore. Who would have thought...
Master and I are fitting for each other. Or moods seem to coinside well. For he was in the slave rape mood and I got it good. What a good night it was. We ended up basking benieth the stars and three moons. Letting the sensations course though our body's after a good hard use. He reminded me well that I am his. His wench.. his slut.... his loveslave. I am HIS.... he is Mine. I laid there as he dozed off and watched him a bit. Thinking of the night, of the spoken words. I know many would disagree with me calling him "mine" After all, a slave owns nothing.. right? But yet. If one truely stops and thinks about things. To own something is to take care of it fully, to see to all of it's needs and desires, and to control what it is they own. Such as a slave. Master owns me, and see's to making sure I am well cared for. Yet.. I do the same for Master. I tend to his wants and desires, help see to his needs. I care for him... do I control him? That is a touchy subject... but I know he wishes all my thoughts and feelings. So as I wrote that much I suppose I should finish, least he feel the need to question me later. Do I control him... Perhaps not so much in a way many might think. But yes.. in some ways I do. I control the way I walk, move, speak. Doing the things that I know will spark his interest to me. So yes... in some small way.. slave can control a Master. So in some small way... a slave can own a Master.
I can't help but to wonder now what it is he will think as he reads this. I suppose I shall find out when he takes time to sit and read. Then again... it's simple idle thought of a slave.