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| wow so its been forever since ive updated! sorry for those actually interested in my crappy life! so not alot has changed. im still single... i think this has been the longest time ive been single for a long time. i kinda like this guy at my school... hes really cute and sweet and funny... but i dunno. have u ever liked someone and u kinda wanted to go out with them... but u kinda dont?! i dunno. i kinda like bein single though! anyways so we finally got roadrunner downloaded today so that means i dont have crappy aol and i can do all this cool stuff that i never could with aol! this is gonna be kind of a short blog cuz i dont really know wat all to say. me and my friend hatley worked at the haunted forest friday night and i was walkin through it cuz we were guides and tyler jumped out from behind a tree and carried me off. we made out for a while cuz hes so hot and we were bored but then he carried me back to the front so we could get some hot chocolate (it was freezing!) and he triped over a stump and dropped me on my ankle and i sprang my ankle! then i went to an awesome party saturday and has a kickass time with all my friends! then i fell off the hay ride when i was tryin to get off cuz matt was helpin me get off and i stepped in between 2 bails of hay and i just tumbled off! so now i think i broke my left foot... it hurts sooooo bad to walk on it and i have a brace on it but it feels like crap! anyways yeah so im goin to see johns play friday and im goin to Moonlight (my schools fall formal) saturday with chris. its gonna be awesome! the only problem is that me and chris are just friends and brit likes chris and he likes her... and i like kenny and kenny likes me... but kenny thinks me and chris are goin out! did that confuse anyone? sorry if it did! just re read it a few times and ull get it! ok so im kinda tired and i got school so im gonna get some sleep! <3 |
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xhardcorex
So you think so? Oct 27th, 2005 11:46:38 am - Subscribe
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Why do people think I'm pathetic? This is just a place for me to vent, a place for me to talk about all the drama that is going on. a place for ME. Why do you think its pathetic that I write about my condition? I dont think it is, and frankly i dont really care if people answer my blogs or not.... I just like to think about things going on in my life, and writing them down is the only way that I can do that, so that I can look back and think about it. And it so happens that i do have friend anonymous.. thank you very much. I was very disturbed by your comment in my last blog entry.. and if you think im so pathetic, then why do you waste your time writing a comment in my blog? GET A LIFE. This is MY blog, and I dont appreciate what you said.. some people can take that real personally. You dont even know what its like... so dont even try to think you do.. YOU DONT. And if you spent one day in my shoes, then maybe you would think differently about it. Im sorry if i offended anyone who is not the anonymous writer who commented on my blog last. That person just made me very angry. A*M |
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xhardcorex
Well here goes.. Oct 17th, 2005 8:50:37 am - Subscribe
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| I havent been on here in awhile. I guess because I havent had very much to say about things. I mean I guess thinks are going okay right now.. I am still a little iffy about my whole depression thing, I mean, I dont even know if the medicine I have switched to is right for me.. we switched again and this time to Prozac. In a way, I still dont know what is wrong with me, and in another way i am just kind of trying to keep doing what im doing and keep living my life. Its just very stressful this year with all that is going on. Sometimes I feel like the whole world hates me, but I just have to move on and live with it, bc thats about all I can do as of now. Its really confusing, I mean, my life is not exactly your perfect puzzle.. it is more of a bunch of defected cardboard pieces that just dont fit together.. it is my life. |
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last night was cool. today sucked. evens out i guess! last night was fun! my friend john just got his license so he came over to get me and emily and we went to the skate park to meet some people up there. we got there and of course i didnt know anyone! so i got to hang out by myself all night while em and john made out and hung with their friends! i was sittin up on one of the ramps listenin to this band when this hot guy comes over and sits next to me and we start talking. his name was jacob and he was soooooo hot! hes tall and hes shaggy curly brown hair. well were talkin for a while and we eventually makin out and he asked for my number and i gave it to him. hes nice and all but i think i just wanna stay off of guys for a while. im gonna put all i have into gettin the guy i want... not just gettin random guys. i want this particular guy! so anyways john took us back to his house after the park and he tried to teach me and em how to skateboard... and lets just say im marking pro boarder off my list! if i put one foot on and then pushed off and got on that way... it worked. he taught em how to run and jump on... and he tried to teach me and the 1st time i actually tried... the board kept goin and my feet went with it... but my butt and my back found the ground... hard! it sucked! then i got on and he pushed me... then i fell again as soon as he let go! it sucked. my wrist is hurtin pretty bad... but oh well. so this morning my mom comes in and yells at me for john not bringin me home until 2am. i dunno how she found out... but she did! so i got in trouble for that... then she got mad cuz i had a picture on her comp that said FUCK YOU. my mom has been yellin at me for stupid stuff all day! it sucks! someone please save me!!! |
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utter confusion has completely taken over. stupidness! i wrote a long blog a few days ago explaining wat went on... and i forgot to put a title and it deleted it. it sucked. so basically before i get to the confusion part... ill lead up to that. so like monday robby came and picked me up and said we needed to talk. we drove down to the park and he pused me in the swings and stuff. it was sweet. i asked him why he needed to talk and he said we wanted to just sit with me and enjoy some time together before we talked. it kinda confused me but i was like "alright." well later we went back and sat on the back of the truck and he proceeded to tell me that he had to break up with me cuz his ex wanted to get back with him. his exact words were "im sorry jess, i like u, but i love roxanna." and i was like "then why did u tell me u loved me?!" and he was like "i dunno... i thought thats wat u wanted to hear!" and that made me so mad. so apparently i didnt like robby... i liked who he was when he was dewin wat he thought i wanted him to. how gay! ok so the next part... i cant really describe it. i like this guy, hes really sweet and hes crazy at the same time. he doesnt always say the right thing and ive come to find out that proves that hes honest... not just tryin to put up a front or something. hes really nice, hes kinda shallow but then again... arent most guys? well i really like him. ive seen him at his high points and low points, and i wanna be there for him. u know... sometimes i think hes interested and sometimes i think hes not. like there was this one thing that made me think "hey... maybe i have a chance" like we were talkin online one day and he mentioned something that was so sweet and it made me so happy... it wasnt like a compliment or anything, he just said that he was really nervous to talk to me but then theres times that hes talkin about other girls and stuff and im thinkin "maybe i dont have a chance." hes way out of my league and weve talked about some things before that fits in to my circumstance with him and i really dont think it would ever happen. i really want him. i think about him all the time. like the other night, my friends bf was bein so sweet to her and later that night when they got off the phone, she didnt shutup about him for the next 8 hours and then another 6 the next day... and the whole time she was talkin... i was ignoring her and thinkin about this guy. i dont wanna come out and be like "hey, guess wat! im in love with u!" but i dont wanna ignore it anymore. i guess u could say ive been in love with him for about 4 or 5 months... i know ive had bfs and stuff between that time but it was all just tryin to cover up my feelings. i dont like having to cover things up... but i dont wanna be so open with this subject. ive thrown out hints like crazy... but i just need to accept the fact that its never gonna happen... right? right... <3 |
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robby never came over last night. i didnt want him to anyways. i called him and told him not to since i was sick. he seemed kinda upset... but he said it was ok. he had to work today so we couldnt hang out... even though i wanted to so bad! he came over after work and we went drivin around for about an hour. he was late to practice so i went with him. his band sounds so good! it was kinda boring after awhile... cuz i had to sit around and wait for like 2 hours. they finally finished and robby, me, jacob, and dillon went to the lake and sat around and talked. i didnt jave my bathing suit so i just sat around and watched all the guys jumpin in the lake. then out of no where... they all 3 ran at me and picked me up and threw me in the lake! i was so mad... but it was funny at the same time! luckily robby had extra clothes in his truck so he gave me a shirt to wear. me and robby just sat up on the hil watchin dillon and jacob try to drown eachother. it was so funny! robby and me finally went back to my house and we hung out there for a while. emily came over and we got so bored that we actually played Hippie Monopoly! it was so funny! i was the 1st one out... but i knew i was gonna be! i suck at games! so robby went home around like 9ish and emily left about 11ish. ive been so bored ever since! anyways i guess thats it for now! later loves! <3 |
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I am so happy now... even though I'm grounded forever and I have oss and iss =P Lmao I'm making out very well. My hunneh loves me, and I've still got all of my dreams in line. <3 I love my life now. Even though I screw up a whoooole lot. xD Oh well... I don't mind. Love bits to all who care <3 |
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| last night was... magical! wow... i dunno how i can top it! well robby came over at about 10:15 last night... and he was really angry. he was tryin to hide it but i could tell. he came in my window and i asked him to take me somewhere. he said yeah so we got in his truck and i told him where to go. we got kinda lost... but it didnt really matter where we went... as long as it was out in the country. we finally stopped. i brought a big sheet with us and he brought his acoustic guitar... cuz he takes it with him everywhere he goes and we walked for about 10 minutes and finally found a good spot to lay down. i layed the blanket out and i layed down and looked at the stars. it was so pretty. he got out his guitar and started to play "you and me" by lifehouse. it was the sweetest thing ever! after he finished playin, he layed down next to me and we started to make out. well we got pretty close... like i took his shirt off and he took mine off and my shorts... so all i was wearing was a cami and my boy shorts. i was totally gonna go all the way... but he stopped me. he told me he loved me but he didnt wanna go all the way yet. i really think i love him. hes the sweetest person ever... and i cant get enough of him. i ended up falling asleep in his arms, and i woke up in my room the next morning. there was a note by my bed that said i fell asleep and he drove me home and put me in my bed and everything. isnt that sweet?! most guys would just wake me up and tell me to walk back to the car! anyways he had to work today so i havent got to see him... but hes comin over again tonight... im really tired and ive been sick all day so i think were jut gonna hang out here tonight. oh well. im gonna head out. later loves. <3 |
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| so today was the last day of skool for me for about a week. fall break is pretty cool. we get a week off for nothing. we took exams today and yesterday... and im sure i failed biology and tv production, although i think i aced french, geometry, and acting! today was so much fun at skool... i took so many pictures with my phone in 3rd period and 4th. i have this really cute one of me and robby... ill put it on here when i get them off my phone and on to my computer. so about robby... hes still so awesome. i actually just got off the phone with him about 20 minutes ago. he got in a big fight with his dad... cuz his dad is an ass hole. he was really upset so i asked him if he wanted to come over for a while. hes comin at like 10ish. he wanted to come now but i have to wait for my parents to go to sleep first. last night was so sweet. i was on the phone with him and he said "can i ask u a question?" and i was like "yeah sure" and he said "are u goin to moonlight?" (the formal dance at skool in november) and i said "well i dont have a date yet... why?" and he was like "just wondering..." then later he was like "u dont have a bf do u?" and i said "nope" and he was like "well, jess, will u go out with me?" and i was like "of course robby!" then i was like "just to clear things up...moonlight too?" and he was like "i wouldnt wanna go with anyone else!" hes so sweet! hes great. anyways i cant wait for him to come over though... im gonna ask him to take me to a cool spot my friend took me to over the summer. its like 20 minutes away... but its out in the middle of the country and theres no lights anywhere and u can see hundreds of stars. its so pretty! thats why i love it in the south... theres so much random open country... and its so beautiful. anyways i think im gonna go but ill be back probly tomorrow to tell all about it! <3 |
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so its been a while... and i havent posted... so i figured i would! not that much has changed i guess... monday nothing interesting happened really... i had to stay after for tv production class to edit our project... and the stupid machine was screwin up. so our project didnt get finished in time... it really sucked. we got an F for it... then tuesday sucked and was boring. wednesday was different though. me, emily and my mother went up wo the skool to turn in some of the money for my LA trip this winter. well me and emily were bored when my mom had to sit through the stupid 2 hour meeting. so me and em walkd around the skool and finally ran into robby. (the coolest kid ever!) hes a senior and hes so cool! well we were walkin around with him for a while and i told him about the problems with the editing machine i was having and he was sayin that he would show me how to fix it and use it better. so we all go in there and emily decided to go watch the Miss Wildcat Queen rehearsal. me and robby we the only 2 in there and so he was showing me how to use it and was like taking my hand in his and putting it where its supposed to be. it looked like he was gonna kiss me at one point but parker and seth walked in and asked wat we were doin. robby told them and they we like "oh we'll show her!" and we couldnt really say "no go away!" so i was like "well thats ok... i got it now!" and so they finally left and it was just me and robby again. but then i had to leave cuz the meeting was over. he offered to give me a ride home but my mom wanted me to go shoppin with her so i had to go with her. well thursday was the Miss Wildcat Queen (a skool pagent kinda thing) and me and emily went. at the end while the judges were deliberating, robby went on stage and played guitar and sang "You and Me" by lifehouse and the whole time, he was staring at me. and at the end he smiled and winked at me and i was like... wow! thats so awesome! lol! i saw him after the pagent but only for a second cuz he had to do somethin else... so i hugged him and he kissed me on the cheek and we both left. then friday in class (hes in my 4th period) we were talkin and he asked for my number and asked wat i was doin that night. well i told him i was goin to the battle of the bands at the Autobaun Shell. he said he was goin to meet some friends up there too, and its kinda far so he offered to give me and emily a ride. so he gave us a ride there and we hung out the whole night! it was so awesome! he had his arms around me through all the songs and everything. and the best part was that i knew the mc for the night... RC who is my brothers best friend... so he saw me and got us all backstage and hung out with the bands. we talked some of the bands into givin us free shirts and cds and stuff. it was awesome. then after the show, the BEST band won! (7 dollar sox!) robby gave em a ride home and we just drove around for a while. hes sooooo sweet! when we got to my house, he walked me to back door and kissed me on the cheek again and he left. he called me yesterday and asked me to go to the fair with him. i told him i couldnt cuz i was goin to the bartlett festival with emily. he sounded dissapointed... so i told him to meet us at te festival. he showed up with parker, parkers gf, and seth. emily thought seth was hot so she hung out with him most of the time. we had so much fun though! robby finally kissed me and hes a great kisser! hes so sweet and so much fun! hes great. anyways on to other stuff. me and emily are goin to the fair today! its gonna rock! so yeah... i guess thats about it! later lovies! <3 a little about robby: hes tall... like 6'3ish. he has light brown hair, kinda curlyish, kinda longish... but not like really long. hes cute, really good kisser, skinny, plays guitar and the lead guitarist and singer in his band, hes pretty religous... but not like it takes over his whole life... ya know? well his band is really good, theyre like a punk/aternative kinda band. alot like lifehouse or train. really good. hes really nice, hes 17 and hes goin to LA with us this winter. hes really into the whole TV Broadcasting thing... thats wat he wants to do when he gets older. hes just so cool! |
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xhardcorex
What I believe us right.. Sep 30th, 2005 12:43:00 pm - Subscribe
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I dont know if you all will agree with me, but I have certain religious beliefs that I would like to discuss. I kinda am a temporary Catholic right now, bc my mom is making me go to church.. and I find that I really dont believe much of what is said. First of all, I believe in the separation of church and state. We do not need people governing us and making decisions for our religion... religion should be what you believe, no matter if you are the only person in the world who believes it.. if you have faith, it is you religion. I also believe that the made up story of Adam and Eve should not be in the bible.. it is not really a part of the history, and we dont exactly know if that is the way we came to be. I believe will only know that in the afterlife. I also believe in reincarnation. I believe that if god deems it, you can be reincarnated to start over your life if you need to. Of course you will be a pdifferent person though. I also believe that you have two lives. I believe after your second life you go to heaven and if you need to be reincarnated furthermore, god will let you. I'm not sure I believe in hell or not, I mean Im sure there is a place like that, but i do not believe that god uses it. Be are generally good, and everyone has goodness in them.. I believe if they need another chance at it, god will give them that chance, because he is forgiving. I dont believe we need to ask forgiveness for everything that we do since we learn form our mistakes, I believe he will forgive you automatically without needed your forgiveness to be begged. I do also believe that there are spirits in this world. There are spirits that roam the earth in order to finish what they have started and they god lost in the passage from life to reincarnation. I believe that it is possible that anyone can get caught in this, and indeed it is like a hell on earth. I do believe many other things, but these are just the first things off the top of my head.. If anyone knows what religion that would fit under please let me know. A*M |
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xhardcorex
I cant believe it.. Sep 29th, 2005 7:01:05 am - Subscribe
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Well I have this cousin, who has been addicted to drugs since he was thirteen, and he ran away when he was about 15 or so.. and he had just gotten off the drugs and was doing great. I was so excited to hang out with him and stuff. See, he is in his twenties now, and he was always fun to hang around with. I missed him when he ran away to Oregon. He was staying at his mom and dad's in Richmond, and he came and visited us and watched the football game with us, and it was great. He was still addicted to cigarettes at the time, but none of the illegal drugs. Well, later on, his mom and dad found out that he had gotten hooked back on herion, and he had spent so much time in jail before for illegal drugs, and now that we all thought he was free, he went back to jail for being hooked on herion and probably some other drugs. I just cant believe that.. i really thought he was over them all...but he is not. I dont know if I should cry, or if I should be mad.. but I miss him. I havent really spent that much time with him ever, and it hurts to know that he is going through all of this. |
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| i have officially decided.... lauguna beach is the best show ever! lol! i love it! ok anyways... so its been awhile since ive posted... so i thought id fill u in. well so me and matt talked alot tuesday... like the whole 1st period and then all day texting. well he asked me to Moonlight... which is my skool fall formal dance. i said i wasnt sure if i was going yet cuz i dont have any money to get a dress... but id talk to my mom about lending me some money and get back to him. i still havent told him if i would go or not. its not until november 6th and yall know how i float around from guy to guy so i probly wont go with him. i met a cool new guy too! man i hate that i go from guy to guy so much! i freakin need to find a steady crush and stick with it! anyways so theres this guy whose in my english class. his name is kenny. he was actually in my english class last year too... but we never really talked cuz he sat on the other side of the room. anyways we really started talkin like wednesday and since then weve talked the whole 3rd period. but yeah he asked me if i was goin to the midsouth fair (the really big fair that comes once a year to memphis) and i said yeah but i wasnt sure when. well he asked if i wanted to go with him... and i said yeah. i gave him my number and he called me last night and asked me to go to the switchfoot concert with him and so i said yeah (cuz it was only 5 dollars at the fair) and he came and got me and we had a blast! hes the kinda guy that waits awhile to like go in for the kiss so all we did was hold hands but it was still awesome. were gonna go again next sunday to ride all the rides and stuff. we didnt have enough money to ride any of the rides... cuz im a poor little girl! anyways so yeah i really like kenny... hes really cool. but yeah so i think im gonna go cuz i dont really have anything else to say! ill be back soon... hopefully! <3 |
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have u ever had a dream about someone... and i totally changed ur outlook on that person? i miss matt! i dont want cam, i dont want nick... i want matt. i really miss him. i had a dream about him last night... it was kinda weird but i liked it. alot. it reall has no significance at all and u wouldnt think that i would fall for him again for somethin stupid like this particular dream... but i dunno... its just... well... heres the dream: apparently my parents had a few more kids or were babysitting or something but i had to sit in some room that looked kinda like the kitchen and help them take care of the babies. there were like 2 i think. anyways i was on the phone with emily and it was really loud in the room and then i saw matt walk in... kinda like he belonged somehow. like he was supposed to be there. i didnt think anything of it in my dream. well i still had the phone and i was tryin to tell her that matt was there... but i couldnt cuz i thought he would hear me... even though he was on the other side of the room. well i motioned to matt to follow me. well i walked really fast into the living room and got under a cover that was on the couch. well i was tryin to tell em again that matt was there but he came in right when i was about to so i just hung up on em. well he sat down on the other end of the couch and got under the covers with me. i kept rubbing my leg against his to make it seem obvious that i liked him and i wanted him. he rubbed his against mine too and i was really happy in the dream. we just sat and talked about random things for a while... then i woke up. see... its not like its a big deal or anything... any normal person wouldnt think twice about it... but ive been thinkin about him alot lately and i guess thats why im thinkin about it again. i feel like i wanna be with him again... and i miss him alot. i dont really wanna tell him i wanna be with him but i dont wanna just ignore it. i dunno... he got a new cell so i dont have his number to talk to him. ive been thinkin about it so much this morning... i dont wanna wait until monday... but i know im just gonna chicken out when monday comes. i dunno... i need to talk to emily about everything and see wat her opinion is. later. <3 |
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| wow... so brit left... and yeah we did cry... alot. i really didnt want her to go. nick, cam, and her bf erik came over to say bye. it felt way awkward cuz cam and me are friends... i really like him and i have for about a year... and nick really likes me. i was tryin to flirt with cam but not make nick mad. oh well... after nick left me and cam got pretty close. hes got a gf... but he flirts with me alot. i really like him. we were watching home alone 2 and he kept moving closer... so i pulled a "wow im tired" kinda thing and layed my head on his shoulder. i do it with everyone... even brit and em. anyways he brushed his hand against mine a few times... until he finally took mine in his hand. he started to kiss me and i stopped him and i was like "u have a gf dont u?" and he said "kinda... but he was about to break up with her" and i said "well i dont wanna do anything until yall actually do break up" and he was like "yeah i agree" but we still layed on the couch and i still kept my head on his shoulder with his arm around me. i dont think that bad at all. anyways i think im gonna tell nick that i dont wanna ruin our friendship. i know thats mainly a guy thing to say cuz girls actually come up with better reasons... well its the truth. anyways my mom gave me the ok to go to LA january 31st... the day after my bday. im goin with the bhs live group. its gonna be cool. but yeah so im gonna go cuz im like way tired cuz we did alot today. ill be back eventually... one of these days in sure. later. <3 |
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so me and brit skipped today. we really didnt feel like goin to skool today... plus... she told everyone her last day was yesterday and she already turned everything in to the skool. oh well... we did it all to stay home today. so about the nick thing... i told him i still had to think about it... and i would let him know as soon as i found out wat my answer was. im not sure... i dunno... hes just... too much of my friend. ya know? anyways... we took pictures yesterday! wanna see? all 3 of us! (im n the middle of course)  brit and me. our "grrrrrrr!" faces!  wow... wat is she doin?! anyways... thats all the important ones for now. wow... today is brits last day! im gonna miss her sooooo much! its gonna suck only seein her once a month! i know were gonna end up cryin when her mom comes to get her this afternoon. oh well... at least i will see her once a month! thats better than nothing i guess. anyways i think im gonna go cuz shes just now wakin up! later! <3 |
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xhardcorex
The reality of it all Sep 14th, 2005 1:02:37 pm - Subscribe
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| the reality of it all is that i have no clule what to do, i have no clue what to feel, i have no clue what to say, how to act, i just dont know. I have a problem and it feels like it will never be taken care of... i will always be this way.. like it or not.. i will always be dpressed. its something that has haunted me for years... and there is nothing i can do... the pills just dont seem to be working. i dont know what to do. maybe just dissapear off the face of the earth? |
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xhardcorex
I wanna say thanks Sep 13th, 2005 6:54:03 am - Subscribe
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Hey, I have a message for Kayjay. You are awesome and its really cool that someone actually understands what i am going through right now. thanx for listening kayjay! Anyways, yeah school has started and I am soo stressed now. And we got Dells! thats the only exciting thing... but they really arent that great b/c they have blocked most of the blog sites.. cept for this 1!!! so im happy.... anyways.. lets just say all of my classes basically suck. The only really exciting thing is that I like this dude.. but i dont even know if he likes me or not. Probably wont work out though. Im not expecting to have a bf until I get out of college.. bc no one has ever asked me out before, but yeah thats my pathetic life. And my doc just switched meds on me from zoloft to lexapro.. idk about it though.. it might not work either. I mean, w/ zoloft i felt just as depressed asI had been before the meds and now I have sleeping problems.. its like really hard to fall asleep.. so I dont know about this.. Yours trully, A*M |
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wow last night was so much fun! so many people came over yesterday. i told brit to come at like 1:30 and told her that no one else was there yet... and everyone called and said they couldnt come. she almost started crying. then brian showed up and she was so happy. then we told her i was jk and everyone started showing up! we had so much fun! then everyone had to go cuz they couldnt stay long... the party was really short notice and most people had other plans. anyways the only people that were left was nick, brian, me, brit, and emily. we all piled on my bed and were pretty much cuddling with eachother! it was so fun! i have a futon and it was foled into the couch so there wasnt much room. well we were watching edward scissor hands, and stand by me, and election. fun night. well brian had to go and we were actually kinda happy when he left... cuz we all knew about brits special punch. (brian doesnt drink cuz of a long story about getting really drunk at skool from everclear, almost dying, and getting his stomach pumped) well her punch was like 1/5 hawaiian punch, and like 4/5 vodka! well we all 4 got extremely drunk. luckily my mom fell asleep in the living room and so did my dad... so they couldnt hear us. i dont remember much from last night but that we cuddled... alot... and i kinda made out with nick... and maybe did some stuff... not alot though! ok so yeah i made out with nick... for like... a long time... and we got way close! lol thats a good term for it! basically he took my shirt off (bra still on!) and i fondled him a bit. not a full hand job or anything... but a little fondleing! lol! anyways it wasnt too bad. but yeah so this morning, we all 4 wake up on my bed. luckily my parents never came in to check on us cuz they would see nick... and not be too happy! but yeah so me and him walked around to the drive way and say in the truck bed thing of his truck (u know... the outside part on pickups) and we were sittin in that cuddleing and he asked me out and i said i didnt know. i dont really know if i like him alot... or if its just cuz i liked him when i was drunk... or anything like that. i dunno if i did it cuz he was the only guy or if i actually like him. i do kinda like him... like i think id have a relationship with him and everything... but i dunno. he left his shirt at my house and im gonna take it to him tomorrow before 1st and talk to him about goin out with him. i kinda want to... but i kinda wanna be single for a while. since my last serious bf ryan (lasted like 4 months) there was (in order) 1. ryan (4 months) 2. chris (2 months) 3. kevin (like a week... but i like him for like a month!) 4. shane (about 2 weeks) 5. david (like 2 days... but i dont consider that a bf or anything) 6. matt (3 weeks or so) 7. jonathan (about a week... until he CHEATED on me! wat a jerk!) and now it would be nick... i havent been single for a while for almost a year. i like havin bfs... and i think im probly gonna go out with nick... cuz why pass up the oppertunity. hes a really cool guy, and i like him, the only thing that would bother me is hes moving an a few months back to chicago. he lived in chicago until about 2 years ago (i was the 1st person he ever really met in memphis) and weve been friend since. anyways hes moving back cuz his dad is gettin transfered. so that would suck if we happened to still be together. i dunno though... ive had some pretty bad luck lately with bfs only lastin like a week or 2. i wish guys didnt piss me off so bad sometimes. anyways i think im gonna go and think about the nick thing. brit is stayin with me for about a week and shes asleep on my bed... and i need to go push her off anyways. later. <3 |
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| so yeah. i found out last sunday night, that one of my best friends britanie is moving. shes movin like to east tn... which is on the other side of tn. the past week ive been at her house everyday helpin her pack. ive never seen a room so trashed. anyways we got done last night at like 1am... and she took me home. my mom was so mad cuz she just got back in town yesterday afternoon and i wasnt there to greet her or something. i dunno... shes weird! anyways shes comin over today at like 2ish and im throwin her a surprise party. its gonna be cool. so some other crap happened... but im not too upset about this problem as i am about britanie movin! well thursday afternoon, my group for BHS Live had to film interviews for a feature in class about gas prices. we got some peoples groups changed and we got this little slutty girl named Courtney in our group. shes kinda pretty, and really skanky. well im defiantely no skank. i dont walk around in short little skirts, and low cut belly shirts like she does. well anyways, jonathan is kinda the leader of our group thing so she decided she would be the anchor and interviewer. well she was wearing so questionable clothes that we shouldnt show at skool... and i had a jacket, so i let her borrow it. it was really cold that night, and stupid jonathan didnt offer me his jacket or anything! well casey was workin the camera so he was just standin around staring at the skank, so i walked over to him and tried to get him to hold me so i wouldnt be so cold. well he just pushed me off and walked towards the skank. well when we were done, i asked jonathan to give me a ride home, and he said he had to take the skank home and to get casey to take me home. well she takes me home and i dont talk to jonathan until friday afternoon. he comes up to me before class and hugs me and i start to kiss him when i see the skank walk up... and he just walks away towards her. well i was gettin pretty pissed off. anyways later that day, the skank told my friend (she doesnt know me and cam are friends, but she thinks her and him are when he hates her) all about thursday night. apparently he took her home and... lets just say... they had little TOO much fun! well i went up to him, slapped him across the face, kicked him in his balls, and walked off. he came over after skool to ask wat was goin on, and i asked him if the rumor was true, and he said yeah. he tried to apologize and say she got him drunk, and he had no control... but i didnt believe him. i saw the way he was staring at her and everything. well i kicked him out and cried for a bit. im kinda upset that it happened... but im glad it happened now... and now 2 months later or something when i would get really attached! he sent me 4 texts sayin he was sorry and he wanted me to forget about everything... but i just cant forget about it. i dont tolerate cheaters! so yeah... were definately over. im glad i found out though... instead of not knowing and him doing it behind my back. the funny part is the fact that the ckank courtney didnt know me and jonathan were together... and my friend told me after i left the parking lot when i kicked him and slapped him, she came up to him and did it again! i think its funny! wat sucks is that im stuck in their group for the rest of the skool year. fun! not! anyways i gotta go clean and get ready for the party. later loves! <3 |