My Friends: murasaki, freshideas, ladygarnet, tron
My Blogs Previous Page Next Page


tron contextual inconsistency - Subscribe
I've been thinking about context... and how it can really make or break a set of circumstances. you know, that thing that seems so tragic in one light could actually be uplifting in another. Case in point: I am terribly behind at uni... what might seem a disaster, in another context, could be an uplifting point because it would reveal the imperfections in a somewhat perfect appearing character and hence make that character able to be related to in a more 'real way'.

So, to make this all make sense, if I were Rory from the Gilmore girls it would be a charming plot twist, to reveal my age sensitive innocence, when it were revealed that I am behind with work.

But my circumstance is that I am just behind in a 'reality' that gives no shits for the struggling student who desperately just needs to get out and start doing her 'job' of choice without all the fucking hoop jumping!

In other news, I think I may be making my hair confused. I have been picking shampoo based on smell rather than label. I'm using a normal/clarifying shampoo and a moisturising conditioner. There's ya fluff people. Is it as cute coming from me?

Bah, there could be more on this subject, but i think i would be repeating myself.

Listen to feist.

Tron
0 Comments
Mood: subdued

tron put something spiney in your most sensitive hole! Sep 5th, 2008 3:13:02 am - Subscribe
How would I describe my day? What metaphor could possibly encapsulate the decadent awfulness of today? Could the be such literary anomalies? Let me attempt anyway to paint you a picture, with faeces on the wall...

It is raining here, turning the ground into a slush which resembles a mucous more than mud. I saw a duck go tits up, it is no lie.

My car died today. Its not my car, but it IS my primary mode of transport. four thousand plus dollars and two weeks to get it back on the road. Money I do not have. Money we do not have. It is spewing a fine mist of coolant out of its arsehole, the result of a dead head gasket. In short, new engine.

So in light of this, I've been offered a dream job. I can teach art to semi-intoxicated women via the process of studying hot naked men. What could be better. Lets get a little feminist equality happening here. BUT...

I've been offered a trial waitressing. Nice place, but its just the same old shit. I don't really want to take the work, but the money might be better. The 'right choice' is to take the trial. To do the shitty work for more money. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

And because the car is dead, I'll miss both the Fathers Day dinner with my family tonight and the Havelocks gig I've been dying to get to....

Did I mention I have to pull 4.5K out of my arse? I don't make that in a MONTH!

this is rooted. so very very rooted.

If you don't mind I'm going to feel sorry for myself...
OH and PS Dave you're a fucking CUNT because you're full of shit and you're a two faced arsehole! There I said it. Sure, I think Disturbed is GAY but if you make a big deal about me not going because its going to be a 'boys night' and you're glad to get time with Tim, don't invite other chicks, or it just looks like you don't want me there you anal fissure.

Fuck you.

--tron
0 Comments
Mood: pissed off

tron it might be alive, get a mirror Sep 4th, 2008 3:19:10 am - Subscribe
Its been a long time since I've written anything. This was brought to my attention by someone I haven't seen in a long time. It was nice to catch up. Don't get too big a head about your mention.

I'm ok. I just haven't felt like writing here for a while. I haven't had anything to say. Things have either been going well enough to distract me from the blog, or have been going badly enough that I didn't want to spread that kind of thing around. But here I am with another post, from my rather quiet life.

I'm waiting to hear back from a job interview yesterday. Its for teaching art. I think the interview went well. So, its just a matter of time to see how I really did with it all. I'd love to teach life drawing to groups of women. It would be excellent.

If I don't hear back from them, I start a trial with a restaurant locally next wednesday. I don't really want to work there, but I really would like to have more money again. I want to buy a coffee machine! (and be able to afford to pay bills...)

I'm very tired at the moment, and not very motivated. Its a 'time of year' thing. I'm trying my best to doggy paddle to some kind of land, but the waves of my uncontrolable emotions are washing over me and sending me back into myself again. I think I need to withdraw from certain situations. I'm sorry, I'm not ready. Just not. Its too hard for all concerned, and for what? Things get further under my skin than they do those around me anyway, I'm sure of it.

Shopping tomorrow for a dress to wear to a wedding. I'm MCing a friend's wedding. They must be silly putting me in that position... I'll have to write speeches its high school all over again.

I'm painting more. Its for uni, and its good to be doing it. I'm caring more about this stuff. But I have to go. next week I have a lot to do and I need to go away and get some of the work that I have been putting off done. curse my shithouse study habits.

I'll see you all... never.

Tron
1 Comments
Mood: limp

tron it appears... and then leaves Aug 17th, 2008 7:01:04 pm - Subscribe
I miss a web comic that I used to read called "Romulus and Remus" but it seems to have been swallowed whole and digested, bones and all, by the unforgiving internet. Why cruel world?

So I haven't been around much. I had a birthday recently. Thank you, 24. It wasn't an easy birthday for a number of reasons. None of which I feel tempted to divulge here, or this might get to be a 'personal' entry and you would have nothing. Be grateful.

I'm starting to read around, oh yeah you know it, and I think its time my rants became a little more cohesive, a lot longer, and definitely more linked to the shared human experience. So I'm putting my mood to 'destructive' hurrah.

See you next time.
1 Comments
Mood: destructive

freshideas Start anew Aug 5th, 2008 9:39:42 pm - Subscribe
I wrote this journal because I want to start my journey to become a very productive person in the future, and one way to achieve that goal is to write a journal so that I keep track of my development and growth as a person. I don't want to be a disappointment anymore; I'm a person who loves to learn a lot of things but has not always been successful to deliver good results. I think I have wasted my time trying different endeavors but ending up as though I have not learned anything much in return. I always start things right but two to three days later I will often give up. I believe I have a lot of talents to build on, and I want to be happy sharing my talents to other people, but because of my lack of discipline and self-control, so far I haven't been able to hone my talents fully. Discipline is what I need, and I hope, though I feel that it'll be hard for me to adjust especially because sometimes I would feel that I won't be able to make it for myself, time will come that I will be a very productive person of high self-esteem and with very interesting experiences in life.
0 Comments
Mood: ambitious

tron el strangeo to the day Jul 28th, 2008 6:20:22 am - Subscribe
Today has been a strange day.

A strange week.

A continuing, developing, misanthropic sense of self. Another dialogue with no one. More strange dreams. More events. More work. Wonderings. Present de-aspirations. Apathy/Contentment. Illness creeping up... flu kind not anything else.

University ever onward. Weariness. Excitement. Something to care about. Hiatus. Industry. Caution. En Guarde.

Begin again...

ad infinitum.
0 Comments
Mood: argumentative

tron going to the city Jul 1st, 2008 10:52:01 pm - Subscribe
When I go to the city
Its to purge the smell of eucalypts and wood smoke
From my memory and replace it
With grit, dirt and something else…
I need to remember why I’m not here.

When I go to the city, I need to smell
The bad breath coming from the trams
The stink of rage
The apathy that leaks from every pore of
The crush around me,
I need to smell vicinity.

I need to smell urine
And shit
And booze
And stress
And overuse
And waste
And forgetting
And losing
And wishing
And hoping…
I need to smell dreams being born
And death.

When I go to the city, I forget the exhilarating
Permanent marker smell
Of fast car petrol
And late night binging.
I need to forget my own smell lingering
Amongst the people I brush against
When I’m out of my mind.

When I enter the city
When the city enters me
I need to block out its pheromones
And not fall in love.
0 Comments
Mood: fragile

tron other people's kids. Jul 1st, 2008 6:20:15 pm - Subscribe
thank you for bringing your precious bundle of joy to my house. I should have expected this when I invited you for dinner.

Wow. They scream that much. Honey, see we don't want kids any time soon. What? This is good. Thats excellent. Honey we really do not want kids any time soon.

Ok, lets have dinner. Where do you put him? I don't know. I don't have anywhere. Ok just on the couch. (mind he doesn't spew on my blue couch... white baby chuck doesn't come out so easily). Smile.

Oh aren't you cute. He did a shit that big huh? Ah, thats what the noise is. You want attention. Adult conversation anyone? Yes, he is cute. Yes you are tired. No, not much to say? Ok.

You don't want to catch a movie or something? No worries. I understand. You have to get the little angel back to bed (seriously). And I'll see you again soon. Maybe we could go out on the bikes, start looking around for a sitter. Drive safe. See you later.

I need a drink.
0 Comments
Mood: torn