acceptance - happiness
Date: Nov 10th, 2009 3:57:58 am - Subscribe
Mood: magical
" The Secrets of a Happy Person:
- Learn to forget
- Apologize
- Admit errors
- Avoid mistakes
- Listen to advice
- Keep your temper
- Shoulder the blame
- Make the best of things "
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things got so complicated for me this past few days. huhhhhh. i dont know how to react. i was pissed off. SO PiSSED OFF!
but FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME!!!!! i think i was able to control myself and stop talking and answering back. hahaha that makes it better. actually, gusto ko magsalita ng maramiii! haha pero un nga. that won't help. shoulder the blame ika nga. but what i'm up to is ..... the reason why everything turned far from what it should be. hahaha sa akin nagsosorry nung una. but then, WHY SAY THOSE THINGS!? hahaha naiba na bigla. assuming? accusing? what?? kaya hindi na din ako nagsalita mashado, coz i know, it's gonna be me, and only me who will end up being soooo evil. haha ako ang masama. ako ang UNFAIR. ako ang hindi nakapagparamdam ng love, care, understanding. ako ang laging may pagkukulang. i dont know whyyy ??? my side was not even heard. and then and then and then. haha same old story. 
em tired of those. but it looks like i'm still the one who's giving up. haha
i didn't quit. i didn't even think of leaving. all i want is understanding. i was shocked to what happened. and i think i got scared that what happened to the other one may also happen here. O.o and i dont like that! i dont know why she always say she understands, but i didn't feel like she really do at all. all she thinks is that i am being unfair 
yes. no matter WHAT i do! she thinks that it is always favorable to the *chorba.
i love her. and i dont want to lose a very important person in my life AGAIN. and i still believe that everything will be settled and will be put at the right places in time. but now, i dont know what to say. i dont know if someone would even care to know and understand how i feel. that's all i want. then i'll be okay.
* i MiSS HER SOOOO BAD. but i know, she won't even think that it's how i feel. *
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I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you.
Yeah, I miss you.
another thing that confuses me is the *chorba. haha confused not in the sense that i dont want to settle misunderstandings between us. i am confused because questions come into my mind. *what if it didn't work out AGAiN ?* what if. what if. what if. mahirap kse magrisk. lalo ngayon na i've already accepted everything. yes. everything. i'm starting to go on my own way. and actually not minding his business. but i still care naman. hindi nman un mwawala. i want to make everything between us okay. kahit hindi na maibalik ung dati. im not expecting our friendship to be like it used to be, (because that IS SO impossible. haha) kahit ung maging okay lang at comfy ulit. it will do.
**************
and i hope, people would understand. that once i fixed everything in this particular area, nothing will turn into the negative side. *hopefully* all i want is to be understood. and that's all. im gonna be happy. i just dont want to keep bitter feelings, misunderstandings, conflicts, broken relatioinships. gusto ko pag namatay ako, people will somehow, see that i tried. and i know *with His help*, i can do this. 
i am not bringing back the past. i am starting a new beginning to a strong relationship.
i want to work on it. and just at least try to make things a little better,. but i admit i'm scared. and i actually dont want to take the risk. posible kase na pag tinry, ganun din ulit ung bagsakan. baka ganun din ulit. panu pag ganun na namaan? whew! mahirap. mahirap mahirap mahirap.
" A fall from the fifth floor hurts as much as a fall from the tenth. "
Lesson?
Give it all.
It will hurt just the same.
- that challenged me mahirap. and it may take EVERY PiECE of me to just TRY to make things better. pero i promised to myself na bago ako mamatay, dapat okay na. dapat meron na ulit kaming tatlo. so what if bestfriendship will work effectively within two people only? kaya nga si karis ako. haha i live to have and be with the UNIQUE things and make those THE BEST EVEEERRRR!!! hahahaha
* dreaming? naah. .. believing? exactly.*
it will all get better in time
*MCP 21.22.28
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