• Saturday Evening - Chin JerkFace was the one who picked me up from work. After weeks of doing everything in my capability to see him with no success and just when I have given up, he shows up with a stupid smile on his face. I hate him but I can't stop lusting after him. *grr* I'm absolutely hopeless. What is it with me and married men?


• Sunday Afternoon - Bryan dropped by the store, together with 6-month pregnant wife and bratty son. Though his guilty looks never fail to amuse me, I will always be regretful for the simple fact that he is married to Jason's older sister. （ ´,_ゝ`)


• Sunday Evening - Jay, my best-boy-friend, paid a visit. He said that he wanted to make his presence felt just cos Xmas is just 'round the corner. The selfish imp! I missed him a lot.
  We're both aware of our 'feelings' for the other. But it's just so much more fun to be each other's bestfriend.

----- I'm losing patience by the second. My cousin won't stop with his yappering.

*You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Was watching FNS 2006 the other night. Daniel Powter sang "Bad Day"*. Most of my fave J-singers were there. Soo much fun. ^_^ AI's performance was brill as per usual. But Ayaka simply blew me away. 三日月 is the bestest song in the whole wide world.

Back to square one. >> To the Man on the Moon:
You're always there for me, yet you're always far from my reach.
The night blue sky gives me so much happiness and utter joy...
The night blue sky brings me unparalleled loneliness... indescribable sorrow... ingrained pain...
The night blue sky, is welcoming dawn's bliss.

Didn't go to work yesterday. Didn't think that I had the strength to go an entire day pretending that everything was freaking alright. I'm wavering. I'm faltering. *sob* Not sure anymore if I'll make it.
Staying in the house meant an inevitable run-in with the LV-wearing devil my mom. But it was too dang cold outside that I was willing to take the risk -- take the risk of being triggered as tron puts it.
It happened around lunchtime when I came down for a bite and a bath. God! My entire being hates her guts. I slapped her -- in my reality alone. But violence never solved anything. So I went back to my room and cried. She doesn't get it. She'll never understand. I hate her, and everything about her, so much that I can't even stand looking at her. Aaaarrgghh! I don't want to feel this way; but sadly, it won't go away. Probably never will.

One of these days I'm just gonna stop talking altogether and it won't make any difference. That's cos I've been practicing monosyllabic conversations with everyone around me.
The most engaging convo I've had this week was with my 2-year-old niece. I was drinking coffee and she wanted some, but I told her that it was still scalding hot, so she blew on it and asked me to do the same thing, then she had her coffee. Very engaging eh?

I called my parents last Sunday and told them how the LV-wearing devil has been wreaking havoc in my already fucked up life. Didn't want to worry them. I just wanted them to know that I am in hell whenever I'm here. So if anything major ever happens they won't be that surprised and clueless.
Haven't heard from them since though. Does it take an enormous amount of effort to check up on your only daughter? I don't think so! But I don't want to call cause I won't have any good news. No progress. I'm still stuck in hell. There's only one escape but... and every single day that passes takes me nearer to the light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm sorry. Forgive me. I love you. Move on.

Hi, my name is driftwood and I... *um* am an addict.
It began a couple months back, but it's worsen ever since November arrived.
A day won't pass that I don't think about it.
I've tried and had others that were more popular -- but AEONITY has a different effect on me.
It leaves me wanting for more and keeps me coming back for more.
I need help.

LOL

*randomness*

...It's good to drink from time to time. Drinking [alcohol] helps heal the wounds we have inside of us.

I wasn't sure if she was kidding or not, but what she said reminded me of an old schoolmate.
I was out drinking with some girlfriends and I don't entirely remember why the hell we were talking about cancer. This was way way back in highschool.

GF#1: Did you know that too much alcohol can cause cancer.
ME: Yeah. Liver problems run in my family.
HALF-BRAIN GF#2 (interrupting me): Really? Even if I only apply it on my hands?
ME & GF#1: Are you drunk?

And now, I'm freezing my butt off, typing with puffy eyes, while my world slowly spins out of axis... hoping that all the alcohol I've consumed will quickly heal my wounded heart.

Every once in a while I revert to my old self and become like any ordinary girl. Emotions which have long departed me, pay a visit to tug at my anaesthesized heart; passing through all the barricades and walls I've put up to keep intruders away. And seeing as how my heart has forgone it's essential function, my reactions on these certain days are intensified and I feel very much vulnerable.
Today was such a day and jealousy was the one who stopped by to catch up.

Seeing Jason again, after almost half a year, was refreshing in every sense of the word. I've always loved how he's cheerful and pleasant, even on rainy days. He's the type of person to be the life of any party.
I could literally feel myself lighting up every time he came over. And I most certainly loved how I cannot help but reflect the smile he has upon in his face.
It's quite hard to put to words, but I'm almost certain that I was in love with him then -- maybe even now. It was in the air? It was as if I could feel my affection for him, hold it in my hands to cherish for ever.

His hair had grown a few inches when I first met him and he dyed it a brownish-blonde color. He looked very hot and very attractive, I almost didn't recognize him. It was his smile that familiriazed me and made me feel at home. *My apologies. I always ramble when I talk about him.*

The fact that he was with a girl was the main reason that I didn't recognize him. It was so selfish of me to think that he would be waiting for me. Why would he? Why should he? Who was I to him? Right?
And what hurts the most is I cannot hate the girl because I know that she is a beautiful person, inside and out. Plus they looked good *I cannot fathom happy* together.

I only wish that I can put this all behind me somehow. I've always known that we would never work out. No matter how hard we try, we would never be. I've known it from the start. But it's just too damn hard to let go.

He was almost Mr. Right. He was almost the one for me. Maybe if not on this life, I could only hope for the next.

Jason, I love you so much it hurts.

1. she'll die before she kills me
   
2. I'll kill her to prevent any suicidal attempts
   or
3. I'll kill myself to stop me from killing her

It may seem too psychotic, but the scarier part is that all options have been weighed by me, with the 3rd one being the most feasible and acceptable. My reasoning behind the choice? It's a bigger sin to kill another person than to take your own life. Of course the statement is debatable. But I refuse to argue. So SUE me.
And so I arrive at my present crisis. It's so unfair that my suicide plans has to be postponed just so my family can wallow in their pain. What about my pain? What about all the hurt that's tearing up inside of my worn-out soul?
Of course I'm being selfish. It's become a favorite past-time of mine these past couple of months, aside from crying my eyes out. I found that it's the easiest way of dealing with it - Life that is.