Oh, drama.
Date: Jan 22nd, 2007 3:07:10 am - Subscribe
Mood: scattered
Music | Food: "La Sirena" - Feist | whatever looks good at the 99 yen store!

Oh boy. Things are getting much more complicated. Like Avril Lavigne.

I don't quite understand what's going on.

I don't understand my best friend at all.

He keeps telling me je t'aime every chance he gets. He says he's gonna call me um, sometime soon I suppose. I don't know when that is but I specified certain times that'd be more suitable. I am a busy working girl. Hee hee, I'm a white collar worker! Someone said that the other day and I didn't even realize. Wow.

But yeah. It's like the last 'I love you' he said to me was broadcasted all over facebook. lol, all our emotions seem to be shared via facebook since I've left. And then he's also had the whole I miss Kurisu thing on his pagina. Pro ejemplo:

So I don't know. Got daaaaaaaaamn! I just found a new crush too.

I'm still enamour with Koichiro. HOWEVER, this other student of ours, he's relatively new, he took my breeeeath away. He's soooo lovely. And I'm not even talking looks, because he makes Koichiro look like cow dung. No no, I'm talking heart. Soooooul. Rhythm. The dude is smoooooth. SMOOTH. Like I tell everyone, "he moves like water."

Like his hands...ughhhh...they're so beautiful. Like my friend/coworker Kate thinks most Japanese men have feminine hands, and yeah some of them do, and I've noticed long fingernails seem to be the shit over here with dudes too - the whole metro thing - but his hands...my goodness. Water. Silk. Anything that's soft and moves with grace. Graceful. That's how his whole damn body moves.

Ughhhhhh...too many beautiful men. lol. I don't even have a shot with them...well...we'll see I guess. Anyway it's not all about my new crushes hands - his name is Hiroki btw, I think I've mentioned him before - it's that he's one of the most considerate dudes I've met in a long LOOOONG time.

So last Friday I was sent home early because I had a treacherous stomach ache that I was willing to tough out, but teaching with a stomach problem is never a good combination. So they sent me home and I got some meds and rested up. The next day I felt fabo, and returned to work. However on Friday evening I missed Hiroki's Speak Up session and they had an ET (Emergency teacher) fill my spot. So when he saw me on Saturday he gave me this like 'where have you been' type of look which could also double as 'who the hell are you'...so knowing me, I took it as the latter and I said "What you don't remember me" and he was like "no no, are you ok? Are you feeling better?" *swoon number 1* And another thing about him is, that he has this whole hiphop vibe ingrained into his movements. I don't know if he's just apart of the whole trend here or if he's a geniune hip hop head, but he has what Kate and I call rapper hands movements. So he'll do the whole hand movement thing when he talks, and the beautiful thing probably doesn't even notice that he does it. So yeah as he was asking me how I was, he was doing it. And I had to supress a big ass grin because he was oh so kawaii and so unaware of how adorable he was.

So then, all the session rooms were filled so we had to go back up the elevator to my classroom. YES TO MY CLASSROOM ALONE. lol. Unforunately nothing happened aside from his Speak Up, BUT he kept on asking about my health and follow-up questions. Like, he had no reason to ask me about how I felt and if I had a fever and what kind of pain I had, etc. other than pure and sweet concern. And I was GUSHING, because I couldn't and still can't believe this beautiful man was so concerned about me, genuinely. Like all the students I missed class with asked if I was ok, but he just kept going on, with his rapper hands, and wrinkled eyebrows which added to his innate hotness.

Maaaaaaan. And there's no bordering on R Kelly thing going on here because Hiroki is my age THANK GOD. lol. And he works at MOTHER-EFFING GUCCI! Yes, he works at Gucci. Whoooo if y'all saw what he had on on Saturday. Meeeercy. It was street wear, but high fashion street wear. And it was like a Gucci bubble vest, with like a thin leather exterior. A wool turtleneck, and a beanie that had a tone on tone black Gucci logo but you couldn't see it and I love that because I haaaate when designers splash their logos all over their clothes (yes that includes Ms. Kimora although I love her to death). And he had on cordouroy's that were a dark mustardy-yellow colour. HELLO! What man would be caught dead in mustardy coloured pants! A HOT MAN WITH HIGH FASHION SENSE - that's who. I love how they have no inhibitions with fashion here. It's just everything I've always dreamed of. Now if only I could poof myself into a size 4, then the dream would be completely realized lol.

Please forgive my run-on sentences, this is a grammatical nightmare of an entry but I just wanna get all my thoughts out without stopping to think about them, ya know?

So yes. Hiroki is diviiiiiine. Not only sexy and watery but sweet and kind. KIIIIND. I forgot that guys could be kind. I've had bumpy roads with dudes, let me tell you. But yeah *swoon* I think that's what really captivated me. I always thought he was hot, but then the kindness just put him atop of the list. lol like I *have* a list!

Koichiro...hmmm, I'm still loyal to him. We had a wonderful convo on Friday night and I don't know what I was saying but he kept laughing. Like hard laughing. Was I being funny? I tend to tell nervous jokes that make people chuckle, but he thought it was hilarious. Was that HIS nervous laughter? Hmmmm...one can only wonder.

We didn't get to talk as much as I would've liked but he's stressed right now. Final exams have him on edge, so I understand. Usually he loiters around after class to talk to me, but this time he waved from the elevator and took off. A good thing I had that cancelled class or else we wouldn't have talked at all. *sigh* Oh well.

Oh and I think what turned me off from him a little is that he didn't really ask how I was doing after being away last Friday. I think he asked me when I poked him to say hi, but I'm always too busy looking at his lips to pay attention to what he's saying LOL. That's my fault, maybe he did ask and I just was in lalalips land.


I don't know what Migs is doing or feeling. I had this insane dream about him a couple nighs ago and I haven't talked to anyone about it and have even tried to block myself from thinking about it. All I know is that I was resisting him in my dream, and he was kissing me and I enjoyed it but part of me was holding back. And then when he said 'let's go to the justice of the peace and make this official' and he grabbed my hand to go, I held back and said 'wait, don't you think we should think about this first...?'

So is this a reflection of my real life. Is what he feels for me so damn obvious that I'm too blind in my own concerns to see it? Why can't I see us being together? What's so hard to believe? Why do I constantly question whether I could truly have a life with him...forever...?

I don't have that 'just know it' thing. You know, the thing that all people who get married say they have when they meet their mate from fate. They say they fell in love and 'just knew' he/she was the one they were waiting for.

And with Migs, I forever question it. I don't have that feeling. He's my best friend for Vishnu's sake. Everyone and my socks thinks he and I will get married. Hell some people are going as far to say that when I go back to Tdot, he'll ask me to marry him.


I haven't even registered my design label's name yet.

Like...*sigh* there's so much I want to do. There's a life I imagine myself living. And I guess he could fit in there, but can I fit into HIS plan for HIS life? I don't think so. Or...I just don't know.

I don't know what I'm doing.

The only thing I'm sure about is that I have to get to Umeda tomorrow and transfer to the Midosuji line in order to get to Yodoyabashi and do a interview workshop. And I have to tell the trainers I lost my ompany pin in which they will all want to stab me yet maintain painfully tight smiles which ooze with plastic politeness.

And I'm not even sure about all of that. All I know is possibility. In just about everything.

But outcomes. As vaporous as life.

I wonder if knowing the future would make life easier for everyone. Or maybe, it would just make the suicide rate go up that much higher.

Ok, I'm off to the yen store and then I have questions to think of and cringe at while making.

PS. I've been watching Ugly Betty for 2 days straight and I can't get enough of it. Every episode has me crying. Her spirit is unstoppable. I could use a bottle of that.

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