I feelhurt, disappointed, and everything else in between.

Paradise Kiss

"You cannot survive on love alone..."

I'm crying over some shoujo-anime... again. PaRaKiss would have been a favorite anime series!! sad.gif

Everything was sooo okay in the first four volumes.. but the ending hurt me a lot!! why isn't it possible for Yukari to wait for George and be all lovey-dovey with him again?! THEY LOOKED SO CUUTE TOGETHER!! I LOATHE HIROYUKI! he's not cool! so unlike George! He's too good for Yukari! I didn't like the ending! I love the story, and I would love it more if... GEORGE AND YUKARI ENDED UP TOGETHER!!

Why am I so wrapped up about this? Reason number one. Reading the manga made me realize a certain truth I didn't want to think of.. and it hit me bad, right here in the gut, the poison spreading slowly to the heart, out to the limbs, slowly rising to my brain and shaking the hell out of my consciousness! DARN IT!

Said it's impossible to live life on love alone; that life isn't all about love. Time comes when love should be sacrificed for a better lifestyle, a career, a better future. Making the wrong choice would either lead to a life full of contentment, or a lifetime of poverty, possibly, because the choice made was to satisfy the baser need to be the loved one, and simply let pass the chance to attain a high-level career or work opportunity.

It's painful to even consider thinking of this right now, I mean, on real life... my life. I've been thinking of making decisions which will be favorable to my love-life. I'm actually thinking of working at the country's embassy in the US after a few years of Law practice or so to be able to secure a happy life with the man I love. But, with this idea, this truth... The whole plan seems... stupid.

I wasn't actually deciding my future for my own good. I'm making the decision without accounting for the possible conseqences. Its not right to decide on this just because it'll bring me closer to the love of my life, because if things go wrong, I can't put the blame on him. It was my choice, and if we break up, where would I go? what would I do? The future comes crashing down. Everything comes crashing down. Everything I worked hard for. Everything.

Read the manga and understand. So far, what I've realized hadn't helped me at all. It only confused me even more, and only made me more upset. I've always been afraid of making decisions, and of thinking of the future. And whenever I think this way, my fear only grows greater.

Ahh.. this entry contains spoilers. You have been warned.

(what's the use? you've read it already... sorry. grin.gif)

POSTED ON May 22nd, 2007 7:31:29 am - Subscribe -
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name: lacus somniorum
aka: LadyOfTheLake, Xilvara, Sonata #4
age: 17
sex: Female
location: Philippines
ethnicity: Asian
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