(sacrastically) Happy New Year (Fake Smile)
Date: Jan 1st, 2006 3:37:49 pm - Subscribe

another year of bullshit..
..good riddance 2005.. farewell..
too bad you cant take the sour memories of your year with you...
..you had to leave them with me..

2005 is like a bad corporate year.. everything came down.. the major failures in sports, academics and friendships were sandwiched between two major heart breaks..

tough luck kiddo.. oh well.. too bad god cant fire me.. i cant quit either.. oh fuck

..honestly i cant take another 2005..
maybe this year may be different? hahaha
..hope seems only like a bad rotting cliche used by people who want to feel good..

but then it may just be me...

fill the mug with beer friend, light a cigarette
raise your mugs to the sky, have a smoke..
"to all the friends i've met, i have and will meet...no matter how long or short we have been together.. thank you for the punches and the hugs... for the tears and the laughs..
cheers to you all... c'mon my dear friends.. the year is young.. and so are we... let's drink tonight.. cheers"

the sadhappy year has ended.. and we're still here..

and as we lay on the grass drunk and laughing..cigarette smoke in the air..
..cards scattered everywhere..

..we count the stars.. and we raise our mugs to the infinite darkness...

..and we fall asleep under the watchful eyes of the stars... as we wake up to the bright orange of sunrise..

we clean up and fix everything...
all is in order already?

we're missing a card... seems like someone lost the queen of hearts
they say.. (3)

Love Poem
Date: Nov 20th, 2005 11:07:37 am - Subscribe

this is one of the best love poems ever
..i just want to share it...

shows how wonderful love is..

Love Poem by John Frederick Nims

My clumbsiest dear, whose hands shipwreck vases,
At whose quick touch all glasses chip and ring,
Whose palms are bulls in china, burrs in linen,
And have no cunning with any soft thing

Except all ill at ease fidgeting people:
The refugee uncertain at the door
You make at home; deftly you steady
The drunk clambering on his undulant floor.

Unpredictable dear, the taxi drivers' terror,
Shrinking from far headlights pale as a dime
Yet leaping before red apoplectic streetcars-
Misfit in any space. And never on time.

A wrench in clocks and the solar system. Only
With words and people and love you move at ease.
In traffic of wit expertly manoeuver
And keep us, all devotion, at your knees.

Forgeting your coffee spreading on our flannel,
Your lipstick grinning on our coat,
So gayly in love's unbreakable heaven
Our soals on glory of split bourbon float.

Be with me darling early and late. Smash glasses-
I will study wry music for your sake.
For should yor hands drop white and empty
All the toys of the world would break.


they say.. (3)

riddles of the heart
Date: Nov 17th, 2005 8:45:34 am - Subscribe
i am so ......

it takes a lot of heart to fall for someone

..more heart to make her fall fall you...

and it will take the rest of your heart away...

if it doesnt go the right way...

...and guess what?

......it takes a while to heal after all is said and done..


life is full of bullshit we cant handle, things we have to live with everyday... the simple traffic that clogs up the damn road on the way to school.. not to mention the stupid ass public transporation who cuts, suerves, dont use signals etc..

a lot of things are out of our control... one of which is the feelings of another..


i woke up today.. and i saw your picture beside my bed..
i turned it down on my desk.. im trying to forget
i wipe the sleep from my tired, dream-tested eyes...
..the sight of you in my dreams just burns me from inside..

much like a rose, that's withering away.. the petals may be gone but the thorns still bring the pain..

if there is no tomorrow for me to wake up to.. guess that's where ill be when im never gonna be with you..


such cheesy lines, pathetic rhymes that come out of a guys mind onto a keyboard.. weird how such pain brings out something from someone..

true such pain is temporary.. but it takes time to heal..

until then, im here.. just writing..

waiting for the next heartbreaker.....
they say.. (2)

Date: Nov 11th, 2005 8:36:29 am - Subscribe

he put a cutter to his arms
he wrote the word heartache..
red and bleeding
he could no longer take
all the pain building up inside...

the dam broke and blood flowed out..

body is apart from the soul..
but thier wounds are the same

though wounds the soul have will never scab..
they will always be there.. lingering
each time the wound is exposed.. remembered..
the pain will always come back...
the scar is forever tender...

bodies wear and tear...
..body wounds heal.. leaving behind scabs..
scabs that..even though the scar is gone..
the image of the scab will always bring memories of the pain..

he wrote heartache on his arm.. bleeding..
to cover up the pain inside..
it seems that bodily pain neutralizes the pain inside...

but the heartache faded away...leaving no scab..

as he looked onto his arm.. criss-crossing scars litter...
memories of old heartbreaks and heartaches..
etched forever in physical memory..

notes of the pain that was once was...
memos that still remind..

he's about to put another cutter to his arm..
in so much pain he feels..

he doenst know what to write...
or where....

they say.. (4)

what if destiny is against you?
Date: Nov 4th, 2005 7:23:13 am - Subscribe

destiny.. how can one overcome destiny?
it seems so futile.. so impossible..

destiny is against me right now..
nothing seems to be going my way
i wonder why..

am i meant to be this miserable..

hearts should have an off switch when we're born..

if you're getting pissed at life.. just turn it off

i dont know.. i watched fairly oddparents the other day.. timmy wished he had no feelings..

but in the end logic prevailed and he realized he's nothing without feelings so he wished his feelings back..

and with this destiny is still against me..

they say.. (2)

to the rose you always love.. adore.. timelessly..
Date: Nov 2nd, 2005 1:55:13 am - Subscribe

To the rose...
you are the cresent smile that lights up the darkest sky
the sparkle of your eyes...
as sublte.. as welcome
like a glimmer of a rainbow..

i leaned my head upon the rose's shoulders once... i found rest and a somewhat peace..
much like Atlas..resting up on the sky's clouds..

i have never told the rose how much she means too me...
out of fear perhaps?..
every opurtunity i have.. i feel like a..
puppy.. cornered...
fear envelopes me..and all i can say..
is but a whimper...

maybe if i told her...
that's she's the Polaris of my nightime sky..
the smile upon my face.. as i wake up every day..
she's the wound that keeps my
heart beating....

no matter how her thorns peirce my skin as i hold her so gently in my hands..i wont mind..

but no..i have not told her...
all i did was to place breadcrumbs along her path.. hoping that it will lead her..
to see... what i truly feel...

i even hid her name in a poem..

if she only knew..

to the rose...
i wish i can tell you...
i wish i was not afraid..

maybe..when the time comes...

she's worth waiting for...
much like waiting...
for the first light of daybreak...
the frist chirp of the songbirds...

they say.. (4)

my rantings..
Date: Oct 28th, 2005 11:13:06 am - Subscribe

deep breath...

i am willing to wait 7hrs just to see you...
but it seems you're not even willing to wait even just a minute to see me..

if you dont want to spend time with me... say it to my face.. just say it.. your excuses make my feelings more restless..


my friend was right.. "Never waste your time on someone who's not willing to waste their time on you"

i always wanted you to make or break this pathetic little heart of mine since the day it realized you're it's#1 girl..

...cools off.....
.......is it all worth it?........
they say.. (3)

An Astronomer\'s Poem
Date: Aug 25th, 2005 8:28:43 am - Subscribe

An Astronomer's Poem

Lost in a tattered blanket of black,
shined upon by the brightest light.
I looked up at the eternity facing me,
slowly following the infinite trinkets
that litter the sky.
The Dipper leads me,
to trace your face in the dark canvass.

Your eyes that humble Sirius,
catches me in a trance.
Watching the glitters fall away,
your smile waltzes my gaze from Venus.
Orion slowly turns green
as you become the princess of his realm.

A perfectly drawn figure in the cosmos,
like Cursa next to Rigel.

Except by one,
the only one who's starshine
can due you justice.
You will always be,
my Polaris.

they say.. (0)

Dear You,
Date: Nov 5th, 2004 4:10:17 am - Subscribe
i am so sad

i've tried to bear through
everything you say about him
can't you see im so green
thinking do i still have a chance?
im new to your life
and he's your forever friend
should i step back and leave you two
emotional suicide, break my own heart
by letting you go
you were my reason to smile
when the sunlight hits my eyes
but when i painfully stop
feeling for you
starless nights come in
sliver clouds an overcast
the smile you put on my face
has been turn upside down
now as my lightlless night
goes until daylight
i cant do anything but cry
i broke my own heart
so you wont break it
so that when you two smile together
i cant blame you
i broke my own heart
to avoid so much pain
but in turn i felt
there's nothing i gained
even though it stopped beating
it never stopped feeling
i thought i would be numb
but no
i felt a nuke in my chest
when i let you go
now i realized
im still holding on
i saw that amidts the overcast
in my skies
there's still that one sparkle of light
that you bring to my eyes
now im in confusion
unsure of what to do
but certain of what to feel
it may seem that i have no chance
but still
it;s hard to give up
on someone who picked me up
someone to care about
someone who was there
when i was going nowhere
it just dawned
im not giving up on you
that's the truth
you may not be for me
but my heart is for you

they say.. (0)

hypocrisy in me...
Date: Sep 14th, 2004 9:11:19 am - Subscribe
i am so AM+DG

i study at a jesuit school.. we have this thing, we write AMDG over our papers every quiz, test, report.. etc.. AMDG means "ad majorem dei gloriam" in english, for the greater glory of god... so.. where do i go from there? im an atheist... what's the use of putting that on my paper? for the greater glory of god.. bah!! hell no!!! sure, it may be hypocrytical in YOUR eyes, but for me, it's not... for the greater glory of god, for a chrisitan, this would mean that what he does is for the faith with the help of his god, for him to be better and to draw inspiration.. for me however, it's quite different, but not totally... AMDG.. for "god" right? true... because whenever i write this on my papers.. i always think that this can lead to greater things.. god is almighty remember? in my eyes god becomes the infinite possiblilities that i have.. that we all have.. im no hypocrite for writing that on my paper, i respect religion and all that, i just dont believe in it... as long as i keep it in my heart that i write those 4 simple letters, it's for something greater... something far beyond me.. it's like a star.. you can never literally reach it, but you can try.. it's that way, it's me grasping and putting into mind all the multitudes of things i can do.. with every paper, quiz, report.. etc, it adds to me, it gives me something more than a grade.. i am no hypocrite.. it may have "god" in it, but as i said, in the context of the quote.. god is the infinite possibilities that i have.. my star, one i cannot reach, but will be better trying....
they say.. (4)

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