My Friends: perfect110, 7thbrain
My Blogs


perfect110 Over two years ago... - Subscribe
It has almost been two years since I have written in here. Amazing how much has changed. I doubt there is hardly anyone left that remembers me.

In the past two years I have found freedom (if that exists) from my eating disorder. Am a lot more happy and content with life. I also moved out of my house (twice), first to go a treatment type center and secondly to move out for good into an apartment. I have gotten back into church. Been dumped by two boyfriends. Made a bunch of amazing friends and then lost them all.

I suppose that is why I am writing in here now. I am so incredibly lonely. My heart longs for human interaction. I want to be accepted and liked and loved for who I am. I want people to leave comments on my facebook and e-mail me! I want people to call me. I want to matter. I want... to be noticed.

Right now I am fighting not to run back to what was my coping mechanism for six years. I know why I want to do it but that doesn't help. I want to do it because I am stressed about finals next week, I am lonely, I am depressed, and I am angry but I don't know what to do about it except run and eat everything I can and then vomit into the toilet for an hour. I am feeling out of control. I am feeling rejected. I am feeling like the life I have serves no purpose at all. I could easily be replaced.

I have not had these feelings for over a year, and yet here they all come- rushing back in. Will I ever truly be over this? Am I just going to use my whole life fighting with food and my emotions? I want to a be a photographer but so what- there are thousands of amazing photographers.

Maybe I am just having a depressed week.
perfect~
3 Comments
Mood: agitated

7thbrain ten Oct 28th, 2006 5:09:01 pm - Subscribe

I know people will say I've led such a sad, twisted, and warped kind of life.

Just over two days ago, we were supposed to enroll for subjects in the second semester. However, we were told to wait. Wait inside the Bar Review room, which I privately refer to as the Death Row.

However, we all had a good lunch out and it was nice to see them all again.
0 Comments
Mood: hopeful

7thbrain nine Oct 23rd, 2006 1:58:12 am - Subscribe

I had to laugh. I just had to.

I had made a blog where I would unleash my bad, totally bad side.

One girl tells me to get over it. Fine, whatever you say. But all I hope is that one she comes across those emotions, she'll remember the comments she had posted in my entries. My, my.

I don't regret what I've posted over there. I really don't. It's my journal, and I can write there what I want, provided I am responsible.

Given the fact that I wasn't hours ago, makes me laugh now.

0 Comments
Mood: amused

7thbrain eight Oct 19th, 2006 1:49:42 am - Subscribe

Don't worry. I haven't gone carnal.

He and I are talking about another pleasure of the flesh.

Food.

Yes, food.
0 Comments
Mood: shifty

7thbrain seven Oct 5th, 2006 10:01:21 pm - Subscribe
I am 23 now.

Thank you Brodie for your megawatt greeting, and also to those who commented in my MySpace profile.

Too bad I only got to fully appreciate my Political Law professor, just when the classes are over and done with. He's not such a bad nut. In fact, he's nice. And I'm the rude kid.

I actually miss him now.

And lilyrach has made an icon (or is it a header?) for me. It's pretty cute. I'll nab it as soon as finals are over.

I don't know what kind of relationship I have with this guy. It's clear he's not my boyfriend. Yes, Lily, scold. But with his birthday email, I am left to wonder.

(A note to Lily: don't worry. I'm not blind anymore. Besides, there's a big difference between B and the pretty box turned pornstar.)

Maybe he is just an affectionate person.

Here's the email.




Hey Missy L,

Can't get to a decent computer at the moment, staying over at a friends and he insists on using Debian ( a godawful variation of Linux)

But I thought I'd better drop you a line and say...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Technically it's still the fourth here, but if my timezone kung fu is working it should be around 6:30am on the fifth for you.

You might still be asleep tounge.gif

Have a good one dear grin.gif, I'll try to get on messenger later.

Hugs and kisses,

Brother D.


That's a lovely gesture.
5 Comments
Mood: overwhelmed

7thbrain six Oct 1st, 2006 11:17:58 pm - Subscribe
Siân is enjoying life in Bath University, and I'm glad she's having a lot of fun. You should check out her journal, because you'll have fun reading it, and you'll find yourself wanting more. Of her entries.

And she's simply gorgeous.


Meanwhile, I am here in the library, and I am supposed to be studying. But it is obvious that I am not (well, at least not at this hour).

For the first time, I'm really liking my bad behaviour. Yeah, I mean it. It's annoying when people twist your words for their benefit. So I'm doing a bit of retaliation. I'm tired of having to bite my tongue for some time.

My best friend Lily, I know, will have something to say. Again.


0 Comments
Mood: lackadaisical

7thbrain five Sep 30th, 2006 6:05:00 pm - Subscribe
Steve is a natural-born killer.

I kid, I kid.

We talk about girls with elongated faces, and kids who will be future porn stars.

Something tells me I should let the matter go. But my mean streak says, "It's fun. Go ahead."
0 Comments
Mood: sassy

7thbrain four Sep 25th, 2006 8:04:19 pm - Subscribe






I want to look like Rose Mortmain in I Capture The Castle.








well, at least her hair.
2 Comments
Mood: sophisticated

7thbrain three Sep 21st, 2006 8:30:33 pm - Subscribe
There are times when I am happy, there are times when I am not.

This week is one of the not-happy times.

I must even admit I don't know why I'm feeling this. Maybe it's near the time that my strawberry jam is coming again, and I'm going to need emergency sandwiches again.

Last night, I have made up my mind to go into hiding. I'll miss them, but in a way, it'll be good for me.




I miss him. But it doesn't matter. I don't matter to him, but again, it doesn't matter to me anymore. Like a person who used to mean a lot to me doesn't anymore, except when I'm feeling a bit frisky, and there's the mood I've described in Entry Number Two...the Saturday noon bus ride. Just because he was good looking.

But the other guy (the nice one) isn't, and I know it too well. And it doesn't stop me from missing him because he's a very good person.

I need excitement. All kinds. Physical, mental, emotional, anything!

Try spanking me. That's exciting enough.

Oh yes, that is kinky. But I'm not feeling frisky, mind!

"What would you give for excitement?" I asked him.

"Twenty-five pence and a half packet of Malboros," he promptly replies.

I don't like a guy who smokes. But he's an exception.

Please give me a plane ticket and I'll gladly fly to Glasgow.


I am happy again because right now, he's online.

My best friend Lily says I've got a chronic case of Anglophilism, but it's not true. I like him a lot because he's witty, and he's charming, and to use an extinct word, ERUDITE. He used that on me, so I'm handing the favour over to him.

Other boy is online, but I'd rather not talk to him, giving me horrid mental images of how he's having torrid sex with his girlfriend. Eeeeuw.

Not kinky.

I'm not saying Boy Number One isn't nice. Maybe his looks have gotten way too pornstar for me.
2 Comments
Mood: inane

7thbrain two Sep 17th, 2006 9:24:33 am - Subscribe
I sit in a bus, and it was a hot Saturday morning.

Well close to afternoon really, I lie.

I sweat profusely. The guy next to me was rather good looking, but he was thin, almost scrawny.

I hate men who are scrawny. Like the way men would dislike an anorexic thin girl, or an extremely corpulent one. I do not understand why that certain feeling came over, I certainly never experienced anything like that before. Years ago, I was indifferent. Maybe a certain incident has also prompted me to think that it's not bad to think about touching a guy.

Kissing him, or maybe even farther.

Hey. I'm a lady, I'm not supposed to talk about taboo topics.




I turn my head towards the back. Four or five men, who almost lay down on the seat, sprawled all over each other in the way which one could be led to think that these men had come from a drunken orgy.

Two passengers leave the bus, so I transferred to the seat they have just left. The scrawny goodlooking boy (who is now ugly to me) looked at me. In a slightly leering way.

I suppose he was looking at the lumps across my chest. I am not impressed.

The air is still hot. There is evidently something wrong with the airconditioner, and a lot of people are complaining. Including the scrawny boy, and the people at the back seat, who turned out to be his friends. They are no longer sprawled over each other; they are now sitting upright. I ignored them, they are not worthy of my notice.

Their existence melts, and I no longer acknowledge them.

I realise I am finally I am at my stop. Relieved, I alighted from the bus.

Or rather, the moving oven.
0 Comments
Mood: gelatinous

7thbrain one. Sep 4th, 2006 8:27:51 pm - Subscribe
I sit beside people in public transport.

Sometimes, you can get a kick out of observing things. Things they do, or say, for example.

Just last week, as I was on my way home with three of my blockmates, I found myself feeling annoyed with a certain passenger sitting on the front seat with another man, possibly his friend.

The man was speaking in a loud voice, and it was obvious he was uncouth. He cussed most of the time, said a lot of things that would even make a sailor blush, and he complained a lot. Ranging from complaints about his employer to how poor the driving was.

Just imagine if his boss was there. I bet Uncouth Talkative Man would be fired on the spot.

Just asking. Are there still genteel people?

***


Let me tell you how this system runs. I won't make the second chapter so soon. Nope. I will make a few more additions--let's say two or three more before I make another update.

Come on, let's be different for once.

I made a blog here because my friend has an aeonity blog. I must say I'm impressed with the service (so far). Nevertheless, I'm sticking with my old blogs. happy.gif

I have been a blogger since 2003. And I move around blogs so much, to the annoyance of my linkees. I just wanted to see how each blog host works, and how they make templates. Sadly, I don't have much time to learn properly.

If you stay on, I will. Tune in for the next installment, folks.
8 Comments
Mood: snarky

perfect110 Friendss Mar 12th, 2006 9:44:02 pm - Subscribe
Friends get to read special thoughts
They get to understand the person more than anyone else
They get an insiders view

Don'tchya wanna be my friend.
If you understand this you can read my posts.
26 Comments
Mood: lovely