Just like everyone else does.. this is my first entry for Emo Blog. I have about three other blog accounts for different websites: MySpace, Mindsay, VampireFreaks, and DeviantArt.
I'm the kind of person that drowns in depression and lives off music.
I hate happy people. I hate pretty happy people. I hate pink..
Most of my friends are guy's. The only chick friends that I have are the same way.
If you wanna be friends or whatever then do whatever it is you do on this blog.. I have no clue what it is. Right now I'm off to figure out how to change things aroung on here and what not.. peace
The last few days have been very crazy and spontaneous. I spent a few days partying, a few hanging out with friends.. alot of deciet was going on with the parents.. but all in all I had a fucking awesome time.
Although life is fun right now, there are a few things really getting me down. Yesterday I forgot to unload the dishwasher and Joy [my best friend] and I took off with Jon [my boyfriend]. We went to the music store.. the mall.. and then to his house to play video games and eat. Well the whole time I forgot to call my mom and let her know where I was... this was my mistake.. So now I'm grounded for the rest of the day and I'm stuck here doing chores..
But some way or another I'll find a way to talk my way out of it just like I always do. I'm going to see Jon today and that's fucking that...
[sigh] Well I guess I'm off to clean the fucking bathroom....
Last night I was up late on the computer talking to my friend Blake about some issues I've been dealing with. The main one is that my boyfriend Jon and I think I might be pregnant. It's been driving me crazy and I really think I might be.
Anyways, in order to be on the internet at 2:00 am I had to do it without my mom waking up. I was sitting there talking to Blake and I hear her moving around in her room. Immediately I jumped to close everything down and get back in bed before she realized what I was doing.
The next morning my mom was compelled to run a virus scan while she was working out and walking the dog. So she turns the computer screen on and finds that it had frozen last night before everything had shut down.
How lucky am I? The conversation sat there just BEGGING her to read it..
So today my Mom, Dad, Step Mom, my mom's boyfriend Joe and I all sit in my living room and talked for about two hours... I'm sure you can guess what we were talking about.
My mom had stopped by CVS on her way home from work to pick up a box of two pregnancy tests for me. We went upstairs and I took the first one.. While we were waiting she told me how much she just wanted to strangle me for being so dumb, but then again she just wanted to hug me because she know's what it's like to feel the way I was feeling at the time.
The pregnancy test turned out negative. [sigh of relief] But to be sure.. if my period doesn't come in the next week I'm taking the other one to see if it turns out positive after more time. But the strange thing is, the whole time we were talking about things and making thigns very uncomfortable, everyone was very calm. They didn't explode like I thought they would have done...
Now the main thing that depresses me is the fact that I can't see Jon anymore untill my mom and dad decide. But the good thing it that Jon got me an art easle and supplies so that I can exercise my artistic cravings while I'm stuck here missing him like crazy and wishing that you didn't go straight to hell for commiting suicide.
I'm sure I'll update either tomorrow or Saturday. Untill then... mind praying for me?
[yawn] Life so far is hectic and depressing.... I'm sick of not being able to see my boyfriend and it'd driving me crazy...
This better end soon or I won't be able to do it..
"We held hands on the last night on earth.
Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees,
screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves.
It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated
along the bottom of the river.
So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea
and the shattered seasons lay,
and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease.
In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner."
The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide.
We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes
of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress.
The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn
as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop.
The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime.
I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked
if you would accompany me in a quick fall,
but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two.
I rode alone.
You said, "The cinders are falling like snow."
There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty,
bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence.
Of blue and grey.
Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city.
The sun was stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon
and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines.
Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward,
and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched
into the earth like a message."
Anyone else tired of life,
everything that isn't in between??