Fever
Date: Feb 14th, 2008 10:40:05 pm - Subscribe
Mood: Just Ducky!
Alleged Alliteration: Dishing Out Cupid's Arrows!
Irrational as it is, even with all my old wounds, scars, and hurts, I am totally in love. My heart has been taken from my hands . . . And I give it completely willingly.
So my Nick, the boy I wrote "Ignite" for, gave me a poem back today . . . I love my sweetheart. Valentine's day is the best!
Here's what he gave to me . . .
"Rachel
Kind of heart
Loving to all
Beautiful in every way
Our love is a bond
We cannot be broken
We are strong together
Rachel
Happy Valentine's Day!
-Nick Miller"
He's not a man of very many words . . . And he's not much for rhyming or anything. But what he does say swells my little teenaged heart. He is the single most terrific guy on the face of this Earth . . . And I am so lucky to have him.
He thinks I'm beautiful, and he lets me know. He plays with my fingers in a sort of adorable and skiddish way . . . And he's the most devout follower of Him that I've ever known. Ugh, just thinking of him gives me the jitters! I adore my Nick so much . . .
I hope this never ends. I've been hurt really bad before . . . And it's a huge reason why I was outta school for a week . . . And in that acursed hospital. I have boundaries, yeah. But once somebody gets close to me, they're totally in, and I completely trust them . . . And it comes back to bite me in the ass.
I know Nick would never hurt me, though. He's had so many chances. And it's really cool, 'cause when I was having the hardest times, and I was in the Psych Ward, he called me every night. Even if we had nothing to say, he was always there. And we talk about our faith all the time. My parents adore him . . . He's just a real sweetheart.
I've wanted to close up again so terribly, but it's in large measure because of him that I haven't. And I thank God for that, because when I close up I hurt myself . . . And everybody who cares about me.
So I really am blessed.
Not lucky.
Blessed.
There is no such thing as luck, because God does it all for us.
I'm so elated right now. Even with how hard my session with my counselor was today (we were talking about me not eating and needing more sleep and setting boundaries so I don't get hurt), my heart is so full of joy that it just might swell to the point of bursting. I can't even tell you how good it feels . . . To have so much going for me right now. Even though it feels like more shit's going on than good, and it's really hard to get through the day clean -- of cutting -- I'm doing okay.
I'm really, really doing okay.
But, alas, I still have bad grades. It's not that I'm a bad student . . . It's just that we get so much crap piled on us all at once.
But it's fine, I guess.
I have a nice four day weekend to catch up on shit and get some MUCH needed rest, plus trimester three will be here in about a week and I'll have a completely clean slate.
Thank God.
I'm really good in school, and I just have to quit slacking off. I'm so bored, and I'm so sick of all this crap . . . Guess I just need to reapply myself.
Everything is alright.
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