Cool Caress

Shine
Date: Feb 15th, 2008 3:30:20 am - Subscribe
Mood: Meh.
Alleged Alliteration: Totally Fine.

Kay, so, yesterday was this big concert for the Bella Voce choir, and of course the OC was there too . . . And one of my friends is in there. Well, she's never liked my boyfriend and she's made that very clear to me . . . Ugh, it pisses me off.

So, anyway, right after we finished performing our last song (America, AKA My Country 'Tis of Thee), we of course went to the choir room for feedback from our teacher. And, um, after we got out, my supposed "friend" was ranting yet again about how I have a boyfriend and she doesn't.

I'm finally happy, and all she has to say is "it's not fair" and have a self pity party?

And that's not even the worst of it.

Wanna know what she really said to me?

Her exact words:

"No offence, but I'm cuter than you and I still don't have a boyfriend."

What a bitch. You know, I've had self hatred issues and really bad depression probably since the fourth grade, and that's all she can think of? I'm not trying to be having my own pity party here. I've been working really hard to get better. It's all I can do not to think of hurting myself. But then she has to be so damn rude.

You know what, though? It doesn't matter. What other people think of me doesn't define my own self worth, and the one person who really matters to me thinks I'm beautiful.

And you know what else?

I take a lot of crap.

I should be gone right now, 'cause if my dad hadn't walked in on me before I did something stupid . . . Well, I would have hung myself. And if that's not proof enough that I'm meant to breathe out until the last of my life, then I have no clue what is.

And I'm fine now. I mean, I'm not fine, but I am. I'm stable, at the least. It's not like the only thing I'm thinking of is the next time I'm going to revel in the burning sensation and adrenaline flood. I've been clean for a really long time, and if I have any say in it I won't ruin it.

So I guess it's all I can do to just hold on and keep my head above water. It's not really all that hard, with my awesome Nick, fabulous parents, terrific friends, and wonderful teachers. My parents are so loving and supportive . . . They're phenominal. I mean, I've put them through a lot. No, correction . . .

I've put them through Hell.

And they've never let go of my hand, not even once.

And my teachers! Mrs. Dellinger, Mrs. Hebert, Mr. Detweiler . . . All of them.

Askham, Rucker, Walterbach, and even -- though I shudder to say it -- Laydon.

They're so cool. Mrs. Dellinger I have nothing but idolation for, Mr. Detweiler is simply the coolest history nut that ever lived, and Mrs. Hebert is so compassionate.

I love and respect all of my teachers so much . . .

They're pretty sweet.

And then there's Nick.

He didn't really say anything to my so-called friend, but he has his quiet ways. I mean . . .

He didn't do anything right then, but he let's me know.

He stops me in the middle of the hall before we go to fourth period (Mr. D's social studies class, Honors) just to tell me that he think's I'm beautiful.

Not pretty.

Beautiful.

I get butterflies in my stomach and I feel totally light headed just thinking about it.

He is perfect.

He's the kind of guy that feels the following:

When I rain, I shine.

Whether I'm down or up, I glow.

My eyes hold the solar system within them.

And you know what everybody says . . . Guys only tell girls that they really -- I mean REALLY -- like that they're beautiful.

Not cute.

Not pretty.

Beautiful.

So, yeah, I guess that the silly Oberon Choir wench is right.

She is cuter than me.

But I'm more beautiful than she'll ever be.
Comments: (5)

hybrid - February 20th, 2008 Life sucks, but nice happiness and stuff . . .

kaeraksea - February 22nd, 2008 Omg that's deep o.o

marlene - February 26th, 2008 I'd rather be beautiful than cute. Cute is such a loose term. Beautiful really is deep and you deserve it. Just saying allowed how you're "cuter" than someone, especially when it's provoked with jealousy, thats pretty ugly. You got the guy because you are simply better~ if in her head, being cute is the main thing that should decide who is single, who isn't, or who's first in line or last, then the man she'll end up with (if any) won't be calling her beautiful any time soon.

davidc - April 05th, 2008 O-O

korze - May 06th, 2008 You should definitely not listen to her words, like you mentioned. As a previous commenter said, stating out loud that you are 'cuter' than someone is a downright ugly move. As to guys, at the very least guys like me or guys I know, we only say what we mean. With my girlfriend, the first time I told her that she was beautiful, it -was- hard venturing into that part of our relationship, but it could only have happened had I been telling the truth. I do not believe there is a way to lie about that. Make sure you keep posting, I'd like to see more!

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