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lost_souls Throw myself. - Subscribe
I don't know. I don't know. Damn it, there's nothing I can do and I need to accept that. Throw myself into my music or something. My schoolwork. Wait, I already do that. I guess I could throw myself into worse things like you seem to be doing.

He pulls in the driveway, you go out to the car, get your drugs, come inside, go in your room, open your desk drawer, deposit your stash, walk out, look at me, and I smile. Huh.





My mother said that other day that I smile a lot and am happy a lot. Damn. I guess I'm better at pretending than I thought.
I'm not trying to be the angsty teen here. That's not my cup of tea at all. I'd like to think that I deal with things pretty well. I'd like to think.





Quote #1:
"I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of Hypocricy,
and to the Republic, for which it stands,
one nation, ruled by liars, with liberty
and justice for the wealthy."



Quote #2:
WELL AREN'T YOU ORIGINAL?
An entire generation of kids who dont belong.
Constantly crying because something is wrong.
Driving around in your brand new car, you listen to your modern music,
Go ahead & whine along. You're so busy being different
You don't realize,
YOU'RE ALL SINGING THE SAME SONG.



Quote #3:
"I believe that in a world of negativity and world of challenges that we all live in -this modern world- any community with a sense of positivity, inspiration, and creativity is a good thing."
-- Jared Leto
^^^ I just couldn't resist.
2 Comments
Mood: spacey
Sounds Heard: A Slow Descent - Straylight Run

lost_souls beliefs? Oct 18th, 2006 9:51:16 am - Subscribe
I've been reading Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. It's a great book, but it's making me question beliefs. I'm not sure if I do or ever did believe the whole Christianity faith, but it's what I was brought up in. Church is a comfort, only because it's familiar, and it's something that hasn't changed while everything else in my life has been. But it's not a comfort because I go there and pray and find solace there or anything like that. In truth, I don't normally pay attention during services. Now, I'm not trying to diminish the...validity of the religion or anything like that. I'm just not sure it's right for me.
But I need to figure this out. I don't like this feeling of not knowing my own beliefs and ideas.




On a different note, I recently saw The U.S. vs. John Lennon. Oh my. What an amazing movie. I had no idea about some of what's in it. It made me really think about our current "situation" with the War on Terrorism. You probably know by now that I'm not a huge supporter of Bush or this war, so seeing the footage of the protests that occured then and hearing those unbelievably large crowds chanting, "All we are saying is give peace a chance!" It just made me wonder why there haven't been protests like that for this war. It's like people have lost their...I don't even know what. Their confidence maybe? It's our right to protest, so why haven't we? There's something powerful about it if you ask me.





Quote:
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
^^If you ask me, that is one of the greatest songs ever written.



P.S. So I can't make it to the 'Welcome to the Universe' tour that 30 Seconds to Mars is headlining [the Green Tour I think I mentioned before with MTV2], but I've heard now that they will be co-headlining a tour with The Used in early 2007. =D Now I have something to look forward to.
Vote for them? =D
1 Comments
Mood: bewildered
Sounds Heard: Blue and Yellow - The Used

lost_souls He died. Oct 20th, 2006 12:58:54 pm - Subscribe
Somebody died last night. He was 16 or 17, a junior in our school. Alcohol poisoning or drug overdose. Or a combination of both. We used to hang out with him, his sister, and all the kids on our street before we moved two years ago. It's true, I never knew him extremely well, and he probably didn't remember my name, but we used to hang out. And now he's gone. It's...surreal.
My sister told me during Grey's Anatomy last night. I don't remember what happened during the rest of the show. And I don't really care. I couldn't sleep. I watched tv until my eyes couldn't stay open, but as soon as I laid down, I was wide awake. I put on my collection of acoustic 30 Seconds to Mars songs and curled up in a ball, only moving to press play again when the cd stopped. I think I finally fell asleep around 3:30, still curled in a ball, and woke in the same position at 6:15. Stayed in bed until 10:00, never moving. Before I fell asleep I went from feeling like I could cry to feeling like I could puke every five minutes. This morning for four hours while I stayed in bed I was trying to wrap my head around this having happened. I can't decide whether I've accepted his death, I'm in denial, or I'm in shock. I don't know. And I can't figure out why this is affecting me like this. It had been at least two years since we had even talked. I guess when you live in a small town and know everyone, it's hard not to be affected by a teenager's death. Especially one you used to know.

What has this shown me? You never know how long your life is going to be, so you should follow your dreams, no matter how crazy they may be.
Maybe I'm only making that connection because I've been thinking a lot about what it is I really want and the future and all that, but I don't know. It seems to really connect.
It would be a lot easier if I knew what I wanted or what my 'dreams' were. I don't really like that word, but I guess it applies.

No quote today.
0 Comments
Mood: I have no freaking idea.

lost_souls Listen, please. Oct 25th, 2006 10:10:44 pm - Subscribe
I just don't want to talk about it.
Please stop asking.
Please stop forcing the issue.
It happened, and there's nothing to be done about it.
He died. That's all there is to it.
Now I just have to deal.
In my own way.
Okay?
Thanks.
0 Comments
Mood: unreal
Sounds Heard: Hunter - Bjork