lostsoul's Blog

love and loathe
Date: Thu, Dec 1st 2005, 16:31 pm EST - Subscribe
Mood: full of self-pitty


Well, in short, I got dumped last week.
Complicated situation really. She feels she's been losing herself lately and doubts her choices for the future. Including me, sometimes, apparently. Crap, how can you say you love someone and still break that persons heart? I'm supposed to stay around and be her friend while she does this to me.
I know, it's better that she's honest about it instead of cheating on me some time or another, but still. She claimes to love me and says she sees herself coming back to me once she finds herself ready for a relationship again. But on the other hand, she doesn't want to promise me anything. What gives? That's just plain cruel. Why can't some people make their minds up and stick to their choices? How about some dedication?
God, I'm so angry with the whole thing, but I love her with every fiber of my being. I only wish she felt the same.
I've bitched about it to some friends but they don't have answers. I couldn't stand it, having to act like a friend hearing her speak about all the nice things that happened to her last week. I want her to feel as miserable as me, some proof that she misses me and that I still mean more to her then just a friend.
So we spoke about it on MSN and via e-mail, and she told me that she misses me. I felt a bit better but still decided to cut contact for a while. It's for the best I think. I can't act normal around her when all I want is for her to put her arms around me.
Damn it, I miss her so much. I want to call her but I shouldn't.
Comments: (3)