loveass's Blog

In an attempt to mend an empty heart.
Date: Sep 5th, 2006 9:25:20 pm - Subscribe
Mood: forlorn


If there's one person in this world who I know will always see the power in me..
it's you
If there's one person who I know will be behind me
it's you.
If there's one person who's been there..
it's you.
If there's one person who sees my potential
It's you
If there's one person who can see me
It's you
You will always be behind me
but never next to me.
She says there's something there
but I couldn't swear
There's nothing there
I know that she says you do this and that
But, I can't see it
I can't feel it
it's not there
there's no smile
no grin
there was nothing at that game
There's nothing now
we won't be together
I won't call you on the phone
we won't dance at the ball
you won't remember me at all
I will continue on alone
while you forget that I was ever there
we'll part days
in 180 days
that's ok with me
what she sees
I can't seem to find
and I know we have nothing,
maybe never will.


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It hurts to know
Date: Sep 5th, 2006 9:17:13 pm - Subscribe
Mood: spent
Music, current mood: Alanis morisette.

It could have been me, and it hurts at first that I didn't see, I didn't see she was there, I didn't see her come about and watch as i sat on my pedestool, waiting to knock me off. She stumbles for words, unknowing what to do, while the words ring in my mind, clear as glass, and I cringe, as the words come out, and there she is on my pedestool. I stare up at her and wonder what it was like up there at first, not quite remembering. Winning isn't second nature, not third, not fourth, not fifth. Today I watched a bird die and knowing it saw me too I blinked down at it and watched as water poured from it's mouth. it too was dying as I was inside. The bird lay twitching, head turned away, and it couldn't see itself die. I did it too, turned away as I died on the ground, while she stared down..as I died. She didn't scoop me off the ground, but left me in the sun. I didn't see it coming, and now I do.
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Lipstick
Date: Jun 14th, 2006 6:00:23 pm - Subscribe
Mood: motivated


There's a tube of red lipstick on my counter
So I can hide my chapped lips.
So you think they're ruby red.
There's a bottle of foundation
So we can hide our flaws behind a mask
So you think we're perfect
There's clothes in my closet
So I can hide what I really look like
So you think think my body is fine
There's shoes
So I can cover up my soles
So they won't touch the earth
There's eyeshadow in my purse
So I can disguise myself,
So you don't see real me
There's hairspray
So my hair stays flat
So you think It's flawless
There's blush
so I can look like you want, like those girls
So you think I'm pretty.
There's faces
so I can cover up the real me
So you think I'm Ugly when inside I'm not
There's Nail polish
so my colors can camoflauge
what really is beneath
There's mascara
So eyelashes look what they're not
so you think they're ideal
There's eyes
So you can see the deception and mask
But not past it
There's a heart
so you CAN see past the mask
But you can't.
There's ears
so you can hear beauty and grace
But you plug them up
There are lips
So you can taste what is real
you kiss what isn't
There's skin
So It can hide what I'm really like
so you think what I look like is what is inside
There's feel
so you can touch
And reach out to feel
But you don't feel.
You look.
You look at what's outside
and you have a heart.
That you do not use
Ears that do not hear
Skin you cannot feel through
But your eyes work fine.
When they shouldn't.
Beauty you think is real
you haven't heard
but seen.
But you take it for real.
♥

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too much to hope for..two peas can't fit in one pod.
Date: Jun 14th, 2006 5:59:38 pm - Subscribe
Mood: wanted


"true love is when one spirit inhabits two bodies"
-G.R

When I finally found one person who is almost like me in every angle and every light...I don't know what to think of it. It seems that were I never to have seen myself I would think that this person were my own image. Not physically but, inside it seems there's the same person staring back out at me from behind those eyes that stares out of mine. It's a puzzling concept, but to me it seems somehow unreal to meet someone that is somewhat ME! It is odd, to see that one person and think how much alike we are. Opposites attract, but what do similarities do? -Does it screw things up to have SOO much in common, or does it sink it? It seems that two peas in a pod is an understatement, too similair that we aren't sepreate peas in a pod, we're almost the SAME pea in one pod. It's scary and yet crazy cool. I don't really know what to do, but it's drawing to have some person look over and you see and hear yourself coming from them. I have waited for so crazy long to meet someone that relates, but This is even more than relating..it's scary. It's like looking back and seeing my own self in another person. It's creepy and drawing at the same time. I'm sure at everypoint in your lives you've felt a strange draw to another person, as a friend or otherwise, and you feel like you've known that person forever..when you haven't. we're so perfect..it won't work.

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re-evaluating myself
Date: Jun 14th, 2006 5:58:38 pm - Subscribe
Mood: destroyed


What makes YOU think I'll do something nice for you?
when you took all of it away from me
And left me to cry
What makes you think I'm going to help you out?
When you couldn't even stop to comfort me?
What makes you think you're suddenly my friend again?
When you were always my better, looking down on me
While I struggled to make it to the top, only to be kicked down when I got there
What makes you think I'll join your team next year?
When it really isn't your team.
Would I play happily in a stolen pool?
What makes you think I'm going to forgive you?
When you left me with nothing but your shadow to live in.
What makes you think I'm going to want to talk to you again?
When you slyly lied to me, to make me believe you cared
What makes you think I'd ever be as perfect as you?
When I never have been.
What makes you think I'd happily be second to you?
When you couldn't bear to let me finish first. You had to take that too.
What makes you think I believe it when you say you wanted me to win?
when you ran in the race anyway, and happily took it from me
What makes you think I was clapping for you on a wards night?
When I was outside cutting cake, I didn't even hear your name
What makes you think I've forgotten what you've done?
When all I can do is remember.
What makes you think you're always going to be on your throne?
When really..you'll fall and be obscure
What makes you think you rightly won?
When the choice was made blindly and without thought, only by favor.
What makes you think people were happy?
When everyone questioned it.
What makes you think you're more capable?
When really you follow me..
What makes you think you're going to last long?
When you'll break apart in the first week.
And I hope you do.
Miserably.
You will.
I won't be there either.
I know you're reading this.
I hope you savor every moment of anguish you've caused me
What makes you think I'll forget that someone who was my best friend took all that dear to me, and left nothing to me, afraid I'd do well, and jealous that I was better,
When I'll never forget that YOU who were one of my best friends let me suffer at her own hands.
Too many years.
It's ok to be jealous of something you'll never be, but to kick them from the top back to the bottom where they don't belong while
you unrightfully take their spot on the peak, because you are lower than them
Is wrong.
Jealousy is a miserable sin.
I hope it makes you even more miserable.
because there's alot to be jealous of.
I hope you are.
Be jealous.
I'm not.
When you look up from failing, I'll be there, standing over you, smiling.
But not holding my hand out to help you up.
Just to kick more dirt in your face.
be jealous.
And live in anguish everyday with the guilt, until the day you die.
Be guilty.
Be jealous.

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