Alone behind my wall
Date: Dec 13th, 2006 3:43:03 pm - Subscribe
Musik: Janus - Anita spielt Cello
There must be something I do completely wrong. And I feel that the time is near, I give up socialising. It's hard enough for me to open my mouth and say something to others, talk to them like EVERYONE WANTS ME TO and then they don't hear me! Why? Damn it, why??
Yesterday I had to ask Lisa FOUR times, before she even noticed that I had talked to her! Today I have waited in front of the classroom to go to chemistry with the others... Andrea, Maria and Rebecca came out and I thought "Hey, that's your chance, do something."
And as I walked with them through the schoolhouse, there was silence, although I asked questions and tried to make a joke... And now I think it will ever be impossible to get friends here. Sure they're nice, but they keep avoiding me and my mother recently told me that my chemistry teacher asked herself why I don't have friends though I seem always nice and friendly.
And currently I think that the love I feel for my friends is only on my side. I remember the time when they came online and talked to me one or two minutes after it. Now it takes hours and the conversations are too short. And I remember how they were happy about my drawings or whatever (now it seems like a matter of course to them) and that they were interested in what I said... Or am I so annoying? I don't know. The only thing I know is that I will always be alone. No matter what I do, it leads to nothing. And so, I give up.
Say what you want. But if someone thinks I'm interesting he will come up to me. But I will never ever try that again.
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anonymous - December 18th, 2006