Story of a girl
Date: Dec 5th, 2006 5:52:45 am - Subscribe
Mood: empty
Musik: --

How annoying can people get?
I feel so terribly uncared ... Everybody says I have to talk to others. I did. And no one heard me. I've got a notion they did it on purpose and that I just talked to myself, I mean, how loud do I have to speak before someone ever hears me?
And then, Lisa bitched at me, because in the english lesson I said "Man, our teacher is completely finished! Stop whining, will you?"
Her answer was: "And what do you do? Whining in maths. Shut up, okay?"
Aah.. that stinged.
Primarily, because I do _not_ annoy my maths teacher with "OMG THATS SO UNFAIR STOP IT YOUR METHODS ARE SHIT!" or slander his personality. And secondly, I try to understand maths and ask my teacher everytime I don't get something. This doesn't mean I do understand it after that, but, after all, I make some efforts. They just whine and whine and think everything is unfair and that we should start at "Hello, my name is ... ".

Furthermore, today, I was alone with my ethics teacher a few minutes, before the others arrived at our room. The dialogue was rather... painful.
"You don't socialize with others, do you?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're sitting all alone in your corner here... Don't you think you should go to the others?"
"Why should I sit next to them, when they don't want me to?"
"How do you know?"
"I'm not interesting in their eyes... "
"I don't believe that."
"In four years, there was not a single moment of 'Hey, want to sit next to us?' or 'What do you wanna do later?'. And I'm not the person to go up to them first."
"Why don't just leave it at that?"

And later that lesson, we talked about the Matrix, society and the manipulation of people through media. We talked about losing the sense for reality and fiction. And about Ego-Shooters. He asked us how long we sit in front of our computers every day.
My answer was "Nearly 12 hours." and everybody was shocked (God, I hate the feeling being the one everyone stares at). The others were - ironically - interested if I have a social life then and how I get to know people better. I said "Not at all", swallowing the tears.
It's hard to point it out better, don't you think?
But, again, after the lesson I was totally unimportant. No one came to me and said "Hey, what you said was quite sad. Wanna talk about it/Can we do something?" or anything like that. I was the shadow with the black jacket and the long, dark brown hair, like everyday, nothing of their interest. I took out my pocket and looked at the photographs of my friends. And terribly missed them in that second. I realized how deep I sank in everyday life. Wake up, go to school, come home, sit down in front of the PC 12 hours a day, eat something between, go to sleep. And I remembered the long nights of watching movies, talking about everything, eating pizza or lasagna, gaming and being among friends. I went to a small floor, were no one was and cried quietly until the break was over. After that, nobody even noticed my red, swollen eyes. Are you blind or something?


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