Time to change
Date: Jan 6th, 2007 8:04:42 am - Subscribe
Musik: Janus - Lolita
I've decided that I had cried long enough. The last few days I felt horrible and I had the cold razorblade in my hand again. I felt lonely and unimportant, but then I thought about it. A few minutes, a few hours... I placed the blade on my shoulder, on the biggest scar and I knew I would be happier if I just cut my skin. But I couldn't do it and I don't know why.
But the time has come and I won't be weak anymore. As soon as I saved enough money for that trousers and longsleeves (with hoods?) I want to have, I will change my look completely. Maybe I will even cut my hair shorter, but I'm not sure of it. I want to look like what I feel like. I don't want to be a goth or a punk or anything else, but I have so much hatred and disappointment in me I want to show that to others through my look. The little, quiet, anxious girl in me is dead. Forever. Sure, I will keep my polite and caring side, since that is something I'm very proud of, but I don't put up with anything. For all bad things people do to me, I'll get my revenge without them noticing it was me.
And if someone thinks he could knock me out with any dumb comments, I catch him when he's alone and speak a few serious words with him.
No one will ever see me as a weak, little girl. I have changed. And I will show it to everybody.
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anonymous - January 06th, 2007