 it will always be. about me. the others. memories past. home |
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it will always be. about me. the others. memories past. home |
| No I\'m not a child ...I am much younger then that. |
Feb 4th, 2005 4:35:59 pm - Subscribe |
| I've never felt so lonely in my life. I don't even know why I feel this way. For the past two days, I've been feeling and acting like crap. I keep snaping at my mom and hurting Zander's feelings, and I don't even mean to. I don't even want to either. I've cried a lot, mainly yesterday. It's so hard when you don't even know what's making you cry ...and it just happens at any time. I get like this so much and I hate it. I don't understand it, which scares me. I guess a lot of people go through this ...so I assume it's normal, maybe just hormones. But I don't know anyone who's had to put up with this. I guess this is the world of depression, huh? Not that teenage kind everyone goes through ...real life depression. I was told I had BPD, and I'm beginning to believe it's true. I have most to all of the symptoms, I just never believed it until now. Maybe I'm just coming to terms with it and myself, the way I am. Hopefully it'll get better by tomorrow, or at least when school starts again Monday. I'll at least be doing something to keep my mind off things. I'm tired of being alone. Having my boyfriend is great ...but, having him around always ...I dunno, I just need that. Maybe I'm just selfish, but I can't help it. I don't understand much anymore about myself, or anything. ~Marlene |
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| mood: lousy Current Tune: Bright Eyes - Don\\\'t Know When But A Day Is Gonna Come |
(8) sat behind the drumset. |
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adam |
February 04th, 2005 |
Hey, as long as you let the people who you are bieng mean to know that you dont want to, and your sorry about it.. its alright. We all go through stuff like this and it sucks >.< Ill pray that you can overcome this and you have a fun day, everyday  |
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| suitable4u |
February 04th, 2005 |
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| i love that song, and it makes me cry, just like almost every song, every time i rite evry time i think, im sorta the same too, but i dont talk to people much, so it doesnt effect me, in the aspect of hurting others, im just riting to let you know i feel you. | ||
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evie |
February 04th, 2005 |
| Hey, dont worry. its normal to feel that way. thats why they call it EMOblog. hang in there. we're here for you. | ||
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marlene |
February 04th, 2005 |
Thanks, guys.  |
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| deathcab4u |
February 04th, 2005 |
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| Hey. I am bi-polar, and I think that if you have any thoughts that you might be, its okay to try to get help or see a doctor. When the meds work and everything is alright, life is much more stomachable. I also feel it isnt fair to my friends to be a jerk and rude, so I do my best to get well. I hope you get better. Serious deppresion is well...serious and you shouldnt be deppressed for more than two weeks without seeing a doctor. Peace. | ||
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marlene |
February 05th, 2005 |
| Yeah, I heard two weeks is the way to tell if you are really depressed, like the actual condition. I've never been one to want or feel the need to have medication, but if it comes to hurting those who are close to me ...there is only so much you can do. | ||
| xheartbeat |
February 05th, 2005 |
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| Just to let you know I totally relate to what you're going through. I'm always hurting the people around me without even meaning to and in turn, I just end up hurting myself. You just really need to let them know that It's not on purpose. And about the depression, really get some help. You seem like a great person and, to be depressed, well thats really a waste of an awesome personality | ||
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marlene |
February 06th, 2005 |
| So sweet of you. Glad I'm not the only one going through this though ...=S |
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