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.i'm stickin to the beaten path.
it will always be. about me. the others. memories past. home

we'll have the life we knew we would

Jan 23rd, 2008 1:20:20 pm - Subscribe

thus begins the work week from hell. 3-11 pm ..5 days straight. Its money, so i took it ...but afternoons. I dont know.

My roommates are going to a movie tonight, I have to work.
mood: spazzy
(0) sat behind the drumset.

Tell me why you cried ...

Jan 16th, 2008 7:30:32 am - Subscribe

...and why you lied to me.

I'm scared of letting myself fall in love any more. It seems every time I do, a week, a month, a year goes by and suddenly I fall for someone else. I hope nothings wrong with me and one day I will find someone who always keeps me satisfied, I'm just tired of relationships that end.

Works been so fucked up I can't stand it. Suddenly I'm not scheduled for an entire week, now they switched my times. Instead of 11-7am, I'm to work 3-11pm. My afternoons. The best time of every day and I'm supposed to work. I've decided I'm going to ask the manager about it when I get a chance, it may be temporary because they just fired someone off that shift. If they want to make it permenant though, I'm finished there. Perhaps I can switch to days if someone so desperately needed to take my night shift from me. But afternoon/evening is definitely not happening fulltime.
mood: sticky
Current Tune: The Beatles
(3) sat behind the drumset.

The earth looks better from the star

Jan 11th, 2008 8:25:40 pm - Subscribe

thats right above from where you are


for anyone interested, I think my old "true love" being back in my life was a good thing. It was nothing serious, he just got xbl and we played halo together. I think I did it, I'm over him. I have no feelings and hearing his voice and being attached to him again in some way made me realize it. I was hung up on him since we broke up like 3 months ago and now I can finally move on. I wish I felt this way sooner instead of clinging to something that wasn't there and never would be again. Nothing worse than the "whatif" that comes after an unfinished relationship.
Maybe all I needed was this closure, this small realization there really wasn't anything there anymore and I needed to see it myself after the wreck.
Maybe we all just need a little closure.

I have someone new in my life now, maybe things are looking up. I'm not going to say for sure though, cause everytime I have before, there'd be a lot of bumps on the road and many pitstops I've come across.
Forgive me for being lame. I've worked a lot this week and sleep has become one of those things I've decided to ditch in order to get things done.

I feel good though. I finally feel good.
mood: glowing
(1) sat behind the drumset.

and so everything was

Jan 9th, 2008 1:40:19 pm - Subscribe

I don't know what to do with myself
the one guy who broke my heart is back in my life ..wtf~
mood: undesirable
(1) sat behind the drumset.

Happy Holidays Aeonity.

Dec 25th, 2007 8:11:55 am - Subscribe

Merry Christmas,
Happy Hanukkah,
Merry Kwanza,
and have a
Happy New Years!


Sorry if I missed any.
I wish you all happy and safe holidays this season. =)
mood: deficient
(2) sat behind the drumset.

with a little intelligence and skill

Dec 22nd, 2007 10:15:46 am - Subscribe

Foot seems to be healing well I think. My roommate and I went for donuts yesterday which is about a 20 min walk ...in shoes. Probably wasn't a good idea, probably only damaged it more. But I can feel it healing.

Sunday night when i go back to work, i have to do it with that guy...the manager is gonna talk to him about how he asked me out and whatnot, so I'm sure it'll be awkward ...we'll see I guess. I just want the whole thing to go away.

On a lighter note, my paycheck yesterday was 150$s more than I expected, put a smile on my face =)

Haven't slept in 24 hours now, I'm making quite a routine out of the whole barely sleeping thing. Very excited, my roommates are going to their family's houses for the holidays so i get the apartment to myself the whole time.
Yes, i know many will and have said their concern for how i'll be having a lonely christmas. But let it be known, each roommate had invited me for the family gathering, but i can't leave town either way, for i work sunday. Either way, feel not sorry for me! I love being alone. Is that weird? I will have my cat though, and the chinese food joint across the street =) it'll be a lovely christmas.

A woman at work got me a christmas card. Now I will always say I don't like christmas, don't get me anything, bla bla. But being at work, a fairly new employee who works nights with little chat between coworkers, I have not made many friends, this is fine. At this time of year, everyones joking around and trading gifts while i just sit there and watch. The card brightened my day even if she got one for everyone too.
The difference you made, you'll never know my friend.
mood: insecure
(0) sat behind the drumset.

from that job that makes you sleep back to the thoughts that keep you awake

Dec 21st, 2007 11:21:14 am - Subscribe

My foot is dead. I cant move it without tear jerking pain, let alone walk on it. And I just toughed 8 hours of work, standing in the uniform shoes that hate me to have my roommate say im faking it.

Please Mr. Roommate.
Look at these blisters, look at the pus ...tell me now I'm lying.

I just didn't want to waste the bandaids i had so perfectly on to show him.

On another note. I quit my job about a week and a half ago, or something, and I'm scheduled the rest of this week. I figured fine, i'll do it, get another paycheck, whatever. They posted next weeks schedule ...guess who's working before and after christmas? Yep ...
Me. W.t.f.
Oh well, I've been talking to my mom about moving and it looks as though it'll be postponed for an unknown amount of time, I may as well be making money while i wait and see.

My roommate deleted all my songs off his computer, is it fucked up that made me cry? Its kinda weird, I had it all saved because i wanted to burn it, I even brought blank cds, many of them, when i moved in, but my roommate used the last 3.
700 songs just gone ...man, musics like my life. That's just fucked. If theres any good way to end a bad day, well, this sure as hell is not it.

Man, I can't even walk right.

Just shoot me now
mood: disoriented
Current Tune: Playlist Not Found
(1) sat behind the drumset.

If you need me, you can call me on the road

Dec 18th, 2007 12:33:47 pm - Subscribe

I have to work tonight.
I haven't slept in 48 hours.
Hopefully coffee will do the trick ...lots and lots of coffee.

Not much to report to be honest. I've finally discussed with my mom plans for the big move. So perhaps a date is soon coming that I know when to be prepared for.
Heh, me be prepared. It doesn't matter, I won't start getting ready until the last minute is humanly possible to get it done anyway.

My roommate woke me at 7am this morning making waffles and I swear, he tries to be as loud as possible (i sleep in the living room, by the way). This sucked, especially when you take into account the fact I no longer have an eternal clock, so falling asleep isn't as common to me as it once was. I fell asleep at 5:30am. Yay! An hour and a half of sleep. So ...it's 1:30pm now and my other roommate is in a cleaning mood. Vaccuuming, moving everything, in and out of each room of the apartment.
What is sleep?
Don't know if i'll make it. Maybe i should just call in sick. I need to quit this week anyway for my moving plans ...
Sleep ...
mood: defeated
Current Tune: Camera Obscura - Alaska
(1) sat behind the drumset.

I'll never do you no harm

Dec 14th, 2007 8:00:02 am - Subscribe

Is it just me, or are a lot of entries advertisements of somesort?
Keep clickin ones on front page to read.

Weight Loss.
Learning how to play poker.
Vacation packages.

Not that i mind too much, just wanna see real entries. =(


Anyway ....

I'm quitting my job tomorrow, thats final. I'm getting out of this situation, this weekend is my last. I get no sleep and nights are killing me. My coworker makes me awkward. Customers are complete assholes over simple mistakes. I need a better job.

I need my hometown. I need my mom.

I should call her tonight. Get it organized, start packing, maybe get a date. I should go back to school.

I hope I find better work in Barrie, I hope all my old best friends are still there and not sour about how I left them all 2 and a half years ago.
mood: insomniac
Current Tune: The Beatles - Oh Darling
(0) sat behind the drumset.

I want you, I want you so bad

Dec 13th, 2007 6:54:48 am - Subscribe

Been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. Last night, I got incredibly tired at 1am, which is weird for me. So I went to sleep, woke again at 4 for two hours, then fell back asleep for another hour. Woke up and couldn't fall back asleep even though my eyes were heavy and my head was cloudy.

I don't know. Maybe sleep isn't that important.

I'm scared, I never called the guy at work when i said i would. I hope he won't be mad. Would it sound like bullshit if i said i lost his number?
I hope not. It's the only excuse I can think of.
My horoscope kind of got me today.

Someone may be shaking up your world today, Marlene, and this might be a difficult pill to swallow. Realize that this is exactly what you need right now to get your lazy bones into gear. Don't look to others to try to change the situation. Change what you can change - yourself. If you feel like a victim, adjust your way of thinking. Only you can control your reactions and feelings in regards to a particular situation.

Maybe this will be the push i need to start packing and get well on my way to moving home. Yes home. I havent had one of those in what feels like forever. Maybe things will make sense when i get there.

Or maybe they'll make less.

I need to worry less about outcomes and just dive in.
Like I did before I was an adult.


I told you 'bout strawberry fields, you know the place where nothing is real. Well heres another place you can go, where everything flows.
mood: burned
Current Tune: The Beatles - Glass Onion
(2) sat behind the drumset.

You stood there so brave

Dec 12th, 2007 12:06:14 am - Subscribe

So a guy at work asked me out.
He has 2 kids and looks as if he's just over the age of 30.

For those of you who don't know.
I'm childless and just a few months over 20.

I work nights with him alone usually ...

If i say no, he won't be too kind to me.

If i say yes ...things could get awkward.


I think I'd rather be ignored.


Oh, is anyone else having a problem in CP? The dropdown menus arent accessable for me. I can't add Friends, edit profile or templates unless from first window.
Is something wrong with me? ='(
mood: eh
Current Tune: Neutral Milk Hotel - Three Peaches
(2) sat behind the drumset.

It's a morning evacution

Dec 9th, 2007 8:14:52 pm - Subscribe

Another sleepless night, another wasted day on sleeping.
If any of you are ever offered a nightshift, whether you get more money for it or not, do not take it.

Got to go to work in an hour and I'm dreading it. I tried to get a hold of my mom this evening, but no answer, so I'm going to try and call again then write an email if still no answer. I need to get out of here, I think.

Alas, I must get some things finished with my day before it starts feeling like my life is all work, no play.

'i'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find. without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine?'
mood: tired
Current Tune: The Shins - New Slang
(2) sat behind the drumset.

Where oh where to begin

Dec 9th, 2007 6:35:41 am - Subscribe

I had to use a default template cause apparently my custom one i thought was amazing looked like butchered, yet colorful poo on other pcs. Maybe I'll get my HTML skill back at some point.

So much catching up to do but I'll try not to bore you all!
Been through my hardest breakup ever 2 months ago. Left me more broken than anything I've ever experienced, but life goes on and fighting is something I've learned to do and will always do. I've met someone great now so we'll see how that goes =)

I'm bunking with a couple friends these last few months workin a midnight shift that I would believe to be killing me. I never get sleep and my roommates always need money from me. An opportunity to move in with my mother has come up though which i think would maybe be just what the doctor ordered~
She said she'll put 1000$s into buying me a laptop if I come home. Don't know if she's trying to fix her past mistakes with material items ...but i need a laptop and I can't even describe how much I long for that feeling of home again.

Things have been crazy within the family and some things have happened that I believe have led my mom to try her hardest to fix the distance between us. My brother had overdosed on heroin over the summer, the doctors say he cheated death. He's lost 80% of his hearing and I'm not sure if it'll save our family or break it further. But as they say, nothing brings people together like a great tragedy (or something?)

No need to be sad though! I have independence, I have my health (i think) and i have the love of my life in my lap. My amazing cat Spectre.

This time I mean it, i'll try and update as much as possible! I've missed you guys and this site is still as amazing as ever.
I <3 you Aeonity. (Emoblog for you oldschoolers like me)
-Marlene
mood: euphoric
Current Tune: Kind of Like Spitting - The Thrill of the Hunt
(2) sat behind the drumset.

Don't know which way to go.

Aug 30th, 2006 12:05:55 pm - Subscribe


The nerves are kicking in. I'm getting nervous about everything. Moving home, can I do it. If I'm getting nervous about this ..what about London. At least I have something waiting there.

Best friend might get me a job at Petsmart. That'd be nice.

I wish these feelings would ease up.

oh! Where has all my friends gone.
cry.gif
mood: unlucky
Current Tune: Chantal Kreviazuk - All I Can Do
(4) sat behind the drumset.

Long time no see.

Aug 27th, 2006 11:26:00 am - Subscribe

I wanna move to England.
I wanna make my dreams come true. I hope I can make it. Will know in a couple months.

Wish me luck.


I'm moving back with my mom. That's my first step. happy.gif
I never wanted something so bad, I hope I'm strong enough!
mood: sunny
(4) sat behind the drumset.

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