martinne91's Blog

Before I go to work...
Date: Jan 26th, 2010 1:04:54 pm - Subscribe
Mood: damned
music: Shawn Desman - Green Light

Lemme post a bit.

Just felt like doing it.

Maybe because I remember him.

I really miss him, you know?

I deleted his two numbers anyway, so even if I want to send him a message I can't anymore.

That's the best thing I can do.

I believed in whatever shit he told me, but it's true that actions speak louder than words. And based from the things he do when I'm with him, he isn't serious.

It would be nice if he'd prove later that my assumptions weren't true. Didn't he tell me before that he doesn't give up easily?

Actions speak louder than words. Now what is he doing?

During the last time we've met, I really wanted to tell him something badly, but I realized that he's not worth telling it, is he?

I could have been f***in' in love, but if I really am, I should stop this feeling from growing. He's not around anymore, what is this feeling for?

I had given my trust to the wrong person again. Sometimes I hope my assumption was wrong, but this is reality. He is NOT serious.

How I want him badly to prove himself. But maybe he won't do it anymore. I think he had given up.

Sometimes I wish I ignored him in IRC. Lol.

Later.
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Just got out.
Date: Jan 15th, 2010 9:28:35 pm - Subscribe
Mood: better


I haven't blogged since my first day of work. It's good to be back here typing again.

Now I know how it feels to live outside my emotions. It was great sometimes. You don't get hurt.

So does that mean I should stop loving or looking for someone to love?

There will be time for that. I should stop bothering about that as if I'm a middle-aged woman.

So... Back to what I'm digging into right now. Work!

I've been busy even if it had been my first day. At first I was a bit lax on doing things--I mean, not being lazy or something, but of course everybody goes into adjustment stage where you're still trying to get the hang out of things. But later i'm learning fast. Hope I can learn other things that my co-workers do too. Including sales (I really suck in that field!)

And... Answering the telephone?

Lol.

At first I really don't want to answer the phone. I'm just pretending to be busy to avoid answering the phone (Lol!) but later I'm getting the hang of it.

And anyway, I love the Saturdays. Even if it means I should be there the whole day while my officemates go early (since I'm still on the probationary period). It feels peaceful there during that day. However they don't exactly go after lunch, they still spend more time to finish their pending work. It's not too noisy there too when it's a weekend. Not much phone calls, not much people.

And mistakes. Lol.

A while ago I answered a phone call. A man was asking about the price of a certain product. I didn't have the updated price list so he made me feel like I was wasting his time.

So there. That's all for the first week of my work =p

I'll blog later maybe. =p
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I finally made it--yay!
Date: Jan 6th, 2010 8:31:10 am - Subscribe
Mood: talkative
music: 98 degrees - I Will Still Love You

I got a freakin' job.

And the one I freakin' want!

Lol.

I almost lost it. My grandmother asked me to look for a different job somewhere nearer than this. You don't know how pissed I am when she told me that. I lost interest in what she wants me to do.

Well the funny part is, when I saw this other job's advertisement (which my aunt found), I can almost laugh my ass out because the freakin' height requirement was there, auntie said she forgot to read that one.

You know, whenever I read ads about jobs that I could probably want, everytime there's a height requirement, I wanna both get pissed but laugh because it was like they're telling me in my face how short I am.

I don't mind being short--I got used to being called cute (Lol I'm lying--as if anybody would call me cute!) but sometimes I laugh at these jobs. Why look for somebody tall or just with the height to do your job? Can't a short person do it? Because there are people who aren't blessed with tallness but filled with intelligence.

Well, can't do anything about the picky management. Lol

And... Speaking of picky, I don't know who to pick. The guy who loves you of the guy whom you love?

Stupid question. I already know the answer, I just don't wanna accept it.

How come the latter happens? It hurts when that shit happens. And it seems like I'm experiencing that now.

I like this guy but I can't get the same response. I don't even know if he's that interested..

While there's this guy who laid it all out for me--his feelings, his motives, his freakin' promises--everything. When I'm with him I feel like I've got a slave--wow! Not bad. That's exactly what I'm looking for. Sweeeet!

What about the other guy? Man, he already failed on the text line. I mean, I don't know if this one's serious or not. Well, I'm not sure about the other guy either.

What the hell? If they both won't be any good, then who cares? Next! x-D

Later ^_^
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What a lonely start for the year.
Date: Jan 4th, 2010 6:15:46 am - Subscribe
Mood: complicated
music: Boyz 2 Men - Never

I've been talking on the phone these past few days, which is great. Because lately it's been lonely for me.

I don't think somebody cares. I want to get busy. I want to forget these people who doesn't give a damn about how I feel.

This week will be a hectic one for me. I'll have my grades processed, I'll attend a panel interview, and if I get hired I'll be busy working the days away. I can see myself ignoring everyone and hiding the growing pains.

That's better than thinking deeply and dwelling about these odd feelings. I don't want to think about it, but I can't help it because I'm not doing anything for now.

Gosh. I get to know different people and then I find out that there's still nobody out there for me.

And the person I want the most? To hell do I know?

I just want a person who would need me. Somebody with no other intentions than to love. I can trust with ease that way. Once I find him I'll ignore everybody else.

Do I sound desperate? I feel like I do already, because I think I'm losing hope in finding somebody who will be serious.

Sometimes it even makes me wonder why I keep looking for that person. I'm not even running out of time.

Whatever. Hope it will pass soon.

And I hope I don't need somebody like I do now.
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First entry for this year
Date: Dec 31st, 2009 7:54:00 am - Subscribe
Mood: damned
music: Case & Joe - Faded Pictures

First off, Happy new year.

I didn't spend it as noisy as normal people did though.

I slept for about two hours then woke up when everybody's firing away their stuff outside. My family doesn't use firecrackers or anything since my grandpa's the only one who used them every New Year.

Besides, I don't feel like celebrating. It's good to have an empty new start, but that's it. I have no special reason to celebrate. Just another ordinary day, except it was so noisy and everybody's fussing over something which isn't special to me anymore.

Oh well, that's me. Nobody messes with me and what I'm doing.

I felt messed up today, though.

Is there no kind guy out there anymore who doesn't drink or smoke???

I did have a boyfriend (or fling) who doesn't do both, but there's something I hate about him: he's bossy. Damn, I should be the one doing that!

See my point? You'll see one or two (hell, or more) big flaws with guys. Oh God. What the hell have I done to deserve these dumdums?

So why am I upset about guys who drink and/or smoke (aside from them bein' bossy)?

Because I absolutely distrust them.

Guys who get drunk, well, when they're out of their minds they might accidentally say something to their friends (which they shouldn't). Don't blame me for hating--it actually happened to me! Don't ask how. I won't waste my time remembering embarrassing things.

So how about guys who smoke? They love it more than the one they're wooing with. Some guy happened to court me, and he's a smoker. I asked him not to smoke in front of me and try to quit, and he gave up courting. See???

I found a guy who doesn't do both, but I don't want another boss aside from my potential employer, do I?

Jeez, screw it. I'm gonna give up on these people T_T

I don't feel like blogging more stuff today. I'll let this pass.
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