Date: Jul 14th, 2008 9:10:46 am - Subscribe
Mood: misunderstood

I loved him most
when he came home from work,
his fingers still curled from fitting pipe,
his denim shirt ringed with sweat
and smelling of salt, the drying weeds
of the ocean. I would go to him where he sat
on the edge of the bed, his forehead
anointed with grease, his cracked hands
jammed between his thighs, and unlace
the steel-toed boots, stroke his ankles,
his calves, the pads and bones of his feet.
Then I'd open his clothes and take
the whole day inside me-- the ship's
gray sides, the miles of copper pipe,
the voice of the foreman clanging
off the hull's silver ribs, spark of lead
kissing metal, the clamp, the winch,
the white fire of the torch, the whistle
and the long drive home.
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Here we go again..
Date: Jun 22nd, 2008 12:58:28 pm - Subscribe
Mood: hopeless

"Don't worry about a thing
Cause every little thing is gonna be alright"
-bob marley

Easier said than done Mr. Marley. Can you send those three little birds my way please?? I don't know whats wrong with me. Scratch that actually, I know exactly what is wrong with me. I've dug myself in a big fucking hole and now I'm feeling sorry for myself. I can't stop being negative. Since when am I negative?!?! I've always been happy go lucky,outgoing and sweet. When did I turn into a introverted, bitter bitch? I hate myself. I hate being social. I feel like I've fallen off the side of the planet. I feel so isolated. I talk just to talk sometimes, and about petty shit. I hate petty people but yet there I am talking shit. How did this happen? I am so fucked.A bottle of wine to the head will suffice. At least then it won't sting as much. I can't even cry..I'm numb.
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Summertime and the livins easy
Date: Jun 6th, 2008 1:07:39 pm - Subscribe
Mood: randy
Music:: Random playlist

We get high in backseats of cars
We put faith in our concerns
Fall in love to down the streak
We believe in the sum of ourselves

And that's the way we get by to
Way we get by
- Spoons

Oh summer how I love thee. I am looking very forward to my next week off. I plan to dedicate at least 3 hours everyday to sitting in the sun with my face in a book. I'm hoping this turns out to be a good summer. I feel like my social life has kind of gone down the shitter lately. Not for any particular reason either just things are changing..getting older. It kind of sucks if you ask me. As pathetic as it sounds sometimes I miss the nights of drunken chaos and drama. Oh well, can't dwell in the past. At least there is nice weather to look forward to. I've been going to the gym everyday this week I'm proud of myself. Let's keep it up Meags!! I want to be slim by the end of this summer and I know I can do it I just have to stay motivated. So yea, I plan to read my way through the Twilight series again this week to refresh myself for the new book coming out in July cause I'm just cool like that.Thats all for now.
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Date: May 28th, 2008 10:46:37 pm - Subscribe
Mood: foolish

Tragedy Bound
Now she's stuck
She can't even care enough to fuck
She's cutting herself just to see if it works
Is there anybody in there?

All her life, she's bound to lose
Tragedy bound

-the bravery

Why do i always seem to push away the things i love most in life? Why am i so scared of everything? I'm scared to gain anything because the fear of losing it afterwards is unbearable. When did i get like this?? i used to be so sure of everything and now I'm not sure of anything. I feel so out of place. I'm paranoid all the time, insecure, out of touch. I feel like starting over half the time but i wouldn't know where to begin. I'm strong and confident around people but its all an act. That's who i used to be. Not anymore though. I don't know what I'm doing. Fuck it.

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No more lies
Date: May 9th, 2008 4:04:34 pm - Subscribe
Mood: bitter
Music:: see above

'm hardly capable of half the damage that i would like to do
i could swear that i don't care
but you know that i'm too full of shit to think this through
so look at me
i pray to god but curse too much to be considered true
i'm just like me, i'm just like to me so, who the hell are you?
-Envy on the Coast

I hate liars. I'm a hypocrite though because I've told some do-sees (sp?) in my day. I'm learning tho. The only person you end up hurting is yourself. Why is it so hard to be honest? Is it fear that makes us alter the truth? Or is it just carelessness? I think at the time it just seems to be the easy way out. Until, of course, it comes back to bite you in the ass. Then you have a lot more problems then when you started. I just don't see the point anymore. If you can't deal with who I am or what I do then don't deal with me at all. Im done with liars. With lying. Its only led me to people and situations that weren't worth it. I want to be better then that.
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