| ding dong~ just bored heheh |
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i dun get it. why does girls, or even guys, have to have the hatie cause of jealousy stuff?? why cant they just accept the fact?? and not only accept... cant they just DONT OVER REACT?!?!?! i mean... whats the big deal man?? see... Y and i arent that close. not even a little close. we're just... once classmates. thats all. seriously. we rarely talk to each other. we did... but u know... once in a blue moon time. that time... i have no problem, and i mean NO PROB talking to her as a FRIEND. but... look what she's doing to me now. ignore. total ignorance. not even a single word came outta her mouth since that day towards me. NOT a single word. just because she likes my bf doesnt mean she gotto totally cut down contact with me right?? arent she over reacting? tell me if she's not. damn. i hate things like that. and damnit i sincerely does NOT appreciate this kinda stuff. i... just dislike ppl getting hurt because of me. even if its indirectly. each time i sees her... its definitely awkwardness between us. she'll turn her head another side. me? what can i do man?!?! its obviously she doesnt wanna talk or even notice me. so... i leave it up to her? she doesnt wanna talk? fine. she doesnt wanna see me? fine. imma not gonna hide from her. just... i'll try my best not to appear in front of her. damnit. this sux. lucky i am NOT so close to her. so its kinda easy... easier for me to get over it. on the other hand... i... feel bad for my another GOOD fren. J. she... has a crush on my bf too. we all know. yea no doubt. but... see... she's nothing like Y. she is still close to us. and i mean US. me and my bf. it hurts for her to see us. duh! who wouldnt be??? even i will. and it hurts even more wouldnt it, if we would to ignore or hide from her??? exactly! its gonna be like what... extreme ouchies??? ouch. damnit. not only these two girls. theres another JY. ish. no i dont, DONT blame them for that. as in... hey, who can control feelings right??? its not their fault.. not my guys fault for being too attractive either... heheh... so... is it mine? i wrote 3 person. whereas theres more. damnit. |
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i've heard bout my fren's fren, who was once a good guy, treats the person he likes very good, and damn, he's just good. doesnt cheat, lie, act and stuff. doesnt smoke nor drink. rich fella. yea drooling?? hold on. listen first. he likes my fren's sister. a... hot chick i must say. if im a guy i might fall for her. anyway, he likes her so damn much but she doesnt. she treats him very well too. but... she's more of treating him as her "best buddy". get what i mean? to make it short... she does NOT like him as her boyfriend. just friends. he did his very very VERY best to win her heart. but theres this thing called... "u cant force love" and "love IS blind". see? he tried everything. everything. she still doesnt like him. its understandable. i dont blame her. when u dont like a person, u just dont. thats all. so simple. but many people doesnt seem to understand. why? is it so difficult??? so after blowing... for failing to take that anymore, he decided to become a "bad boy". "its time for the bad boy side to come out" is this seriously necessary?? i mean... hey, who hasnt fail to get what they want before? that doesnt mean u gotto change ur whole entire life and character and ur true self just because u're hurt right? nobody is perfect man. accept the fact and go on with ur bloody life gosh! why because of a girl? why change? its not like she will like u for ur fake identity. ur fake character thats SO-NOT-U. u'll only become a bas3rd. and guess what?? ppl MIGHT hate u for it. cant u use that gifted brain to think?!?! i seriously dont get it. why?!?! its not like theres only ONE girl on earth. u cant give up the whole forest just because one tree is corrupted rite? there are plenty of good girls outside. its just that u need to put in effort to find ur other half. its not easy. cause... if it is, its not anymore SPECIAL. isnt it? love IS a magical feeling. it wouldnt be IF its easy to understand it. people tend to do silly stuff they will regret later when they are hurt so badly or when they're not so in a good mood. its common. we cant blame them. cause... their eyes are like blinded or something. they cant think wisely. they just cant. but imma tell u... ur whole life will be ruin IF u really did something like that. seriously. there is NO turning back. NO starting point. NO u-turn. so... please... anyone out there... just be urself no matter what happen. cause thats the true u. let others love u for who u are, not what u are. |
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my mood. it turned from bad to worst. dont ask me why. i dont really know. ok maybe i DO know but ah! who cares man. i mean... it doesnt really change a thing right? mom does realised im really way down nowadays. especially this few days. well, its kinda obvious isnt it? she told me the other day NOT to go out with friends anymore before SPM andguess what? she's asking me to now. suprised? yeah. wayyy suprised. unbelievable. however, it DOES NOT change a single bit of my mood as i know, hoping too much might just pull me down even lower cause in MY family, promises sometimes means nothing. and i mean NOTHING. even if it does, like Ben said, SHYT happens. true. its either they have something on that time or plan cancelled or stuff like that. it ALWAYS happens. and to tell you the truth, im totally USED to DISAPPOINTMENTS. that is why i said, hoping too much aint a good thing. i learn from experienced. ever since i was a little kid. i really REALLY wanna go out tomorrow. i have my own reasons. 1st, i dont wanna ditch my mom. i'll definitely do if im going out on tuesday (day after tomorrow) cause i'll then be ice skating. and she cant. ok its more to she dont want to. thats the whole problem. tomorrow she's working. so if i go tomorrow, i'll be going alone. that sounds extremely good for me. especially now, this moment, when my moods like this. 2nd thing is, i wanna go ALONE. alone as in without my parents. only friends. or without any of them would still be fine with me. i just wanna leave home and be free for a moment. i can kinda guarantee that my mood will NOT change for the better IF my dad were to be around. no joke. this may sound hurtful to them but at this time, i would only love going out chilling with friends OR my mom. only. cause... with them, i can chill. or at least a little. with their silly jokes and stuff. plus, my friends can skate along with me (though im not good at it). but my mom... she cant really stay outdoor long. she'll get sick. headache and so. so i rather choose friends. it hurts when she's sick. hurts for her... AND me. 3rd. i just wanna chill... ASAP. you do know being in a position where your mood extremely bad DOES NOT feel good right? when i talk these days, what i think and what i said is totally a two different thing. for example. tiger and lion. sweat. its ok if you dont get it. embarrasing though when i talked to Ben. but... him being considerate and caring and all... he succeed in making me laugh for my silly-ness. sweet guy. hehe. but still, when my mood aint good, NOTHING seems right. i've been extremely blur. think too much. daydream too much. hey, its weird how i manage to just stare at something and sees NOTHING cause i'm thinking of... close to nothing. just sit/lie and stare and thinks/sees/hears/feels nothing. damn i barely feels the clock ticking. time flies. seems and sounds like im dead or something eh? true. wouldnt deny that. but dont worry... im not gonna do anything stupid. ive got load of things that i havent try. 4th, you do know my dad has retired dont you? yes he has and he's staying at home... unfortunately with me. looking and feeling his presents at home just doesnt make my day. why? aha. good question. dont ask. i... dont know and dont bother knowing. if im given a choice, i would to anywhere... decent of course with decent people rather than stay at home. damnit. i sounded like a jerk or an evil person. im just not a good child. sorry but thats who i am and how i feel. sorry dad. hate me all you like. it doesnt change a thing unless you change your character. we tried to tell you. but you never listen. you just NEVER do. too bad for me i guess? i wouldnt be able to go out tomorrow. they'll most probably be following. lets just pray i can chill... oh how i wish i can. damnit. whats wrong with me nowadays??!! |
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he said he's not a good boyfriend. but frankly speaking... is there such thing?? i mean... what makes a boy/girlfriend good and not good?? is it looks? or money? or... the way they treat you?? or is it something else??? i've never look at him as a bad boyfriend. never. although i cannot say that i know him pretty well, at least i know he's treating me well enough. others or HE himself might say he's ugly but who cares? ever heard of "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder"??? but so far... seems like he's more to "attractive" rather than "ugly" =P does money counts? in catogarizing yourself in good bad boy/girlfriend situation?? nah~ for me... nope. whats the use if your partner is extremely filthy rich but isnt honest and sincere with you?? doesnt that makes them an asshole?? he also said that he often have indecent thoughts. if its only thoughts... i seriously dont really mind. who doesnt?? i mean... most people, even girls, do isnt it? but he's afraid he might make a mistake. ok i dont deny that people tend to get out of control at times. and i might freak out if he does. but knowing him... not to say he wouldnt make any silly mistakes but... if he really does something i dislike, i'll definitely warn him, and with his character... i'm quite sure he'll know what to do next. that is why i've been saying that i trust him. he doesnt believe. maybe he's right. i might be the "almighty Queen of Implying". i guess i imply a lot. without me noticing. or is it that i dont want people to know me that well?? honestly speaking... so far i've not been trying to be someone else. and frankly speaking.... i think im like what people says about gemini (my zodiac)... i have two original characters. tell me if im wrong. i can be wild at times. i can be what you call "kuai lui". i rebel. but many doesnt know. and of course... it seldom happens. im active. only when im out. and that also depends out with who. im crazy when im with a bunch of crazy friends. im quiet when im with a quiet gang. so... am i following people's character??? maybe. or do you call that... easy to adopt new surroundings?? ok im out of topic. i dont know la. i dont really know myself that well either. or you can say... i dont really bother. i just do whatever i feel like doing. just follow my heart. bullshyt. it usually depends on situation. sometimes they dont allow. sometimes... fear overcome me. i just dont have enough courage and freedom to do what i like. and i seldom fight for it. is it because of my attitude? the kind of "dunno dont care" style? or i just cant be bothered?? damnit. i can not be a leader. i guess thats why im starting to change. to fight for what i want. it might be a little too late but its better than none. i truly wanna be myself in front of the society but sometimes parents doesnt allow and... i'll blame and hate myself if i ever hurt anyone or made anyone angry... which is why... im kinda like hanging in the middle of nowhere. blame me for that. im not tough enough. i admit. i'm... too fragile. which my mom says im too stupid too. not in the sense that im not smart but... you get what i mean. i sacrifice for friends and families. more than i do for myself. which... i guess is true?? im sensitive. easily hurt. but also easily happy and satisfied. well, gotto admit im sometimes a perfectionist at works heheh.. as simple as it may sound... if everyone is happy, so will i. i just wanna live in a simple and peaceful life. so does that make me a easily contented person?? maybe... is that a good thing? i dont know. one thing though... i think extremely alot. until now... rarely do people or friends notice bout that. cause... most of the time i just keep quiet. its easy to know me well. as long as you're honest and sincere with me. as long as you dont think that im complicated... cause im not. as long as you dont expect me to tell you everything just like that without anything coming back... cause... i find it kinda hard to trust people now. although i do trust people easily. im stupid. remember? im hot tempered. no doubts. but unlike last time where i really bang the door, slam the tables, wack people and stuff.. now? when im angry, im quiet. cause... i dont wanna burst. when i burst... i hurt people. anyone. and that hurts me too. so... nah~ just shhh~ i guess i typed out too many stuff. lucky its private. but i might not know if he would suddenly find this blog. even if he does... it doesnt matter. i just dont want too many people to read this. like the blog i'm having now... in blospot. too... open. i know... blog is never private but at least its better here. whatever. i love him. i really do. damnit. i miss him a lot. |