dunno anymore
[blasted on] Dec 3rd, 2006 4:23:40 pm - Subscribe
[I am] confused
i... dunno what to do or say anymore. when i say what i wanna say, ask what i wanna ask, shit happens. why is everything so wrong? why?! its hard you know that? to be my true self. to do what i wanna do without affecting others. its so god damn hard.
see... i asked. and d'oh i get an unexpected answer. but when i end the whole convo coldly... because i dont want that topic to continue... as i know i'll be thinking alot and im afraid i cant control myself but to break down... he says i imply. girls imply. but dont he himself realized that... he IS implying at the same time? he aint saying anything. and dont deny it. you DO imply alot too. just that... you dont realized that. accept the fact.
i know im changing. in fact, i changed ALOT. i became more depressed which i dont last time. i became quieter which im alot noisier last time. i... dunno. i just changed. from a happy easy-go-lucky girl into some shit i dont even recognize. i want so badly to bring my old self again into life. life is so much brighter and funnier. and i was more carefree than now. what happened to me? my oh my... who or what changed me? im pretty quite sure its not SPM as... in the matter of fact, they never did affect me at all. emotionally or physically. its just that... something IS bothering me. and i... dont know what it is. how... great.
taylor swift songs had once affect me alot. especially Teardrops on My Guitar. i love that song. play it and i can sing the whole damn song for you. and now... I.N.G.'s song is beginning to affect me too. i dunno. i just love all of their songs. they rox man.
now... wanna know what im jealous of? you sing to others but never ever to me. maybe you're scared of embarrassing yourself but im sure you will feel the same if i do that, right? you allow others to take your pic but not me. yeah you said its weird. weirder with your phone. maybe it is. i dont know. lets skip this. another thing... you... in some way, never allows me into your world. you block me out too, sometimes. but i never complain. and i never shed a word about it. cause... it definitely hurts but... i still care alot for you. i let myself get hurt. but im even hurt to see you hurt. or sad. or unhappy. get it?
and sometimes, i have the feeling im bringing all those stupid misery to you. i felt as though... im a burden to you. get it? thats why sometimes i would waste my time thinking am i the one for you. or is she a better girl you deserve. i know its wrong. but you cant deny you still like her. and that... hurts >.< you do know the feeling when a person you love, likes another person dont you? this just sucks. maybe im a bad girlfriend. maybe... im just not ready to accept the fact. cause sometimes facts hurts. alot. ouchies...
you dont commit. that is one i cant say i dont mind. of course i mind. damn you are a person i love alot. how can i not mind when you sometimes dont even bother come finding for me?!?!
i... dunno. i guess i just expect too much. hope too much. and fell too hard. im numb now. seriously. and... guess im too selfish. sorry.
[thoughts] (1)
dav - January 13th, 2007 |
