unPredictabLe liFe

im a fool
[blasted on] Nov 8th, 2006 7:08:13 am - Subscribe
[I am] broken


for once in my lifetime... i felt like a fool. an idiot. i thought you were different from the others. i thought you would never break my heart. how silly am i to think like that. i mean... i want to say that practically all guys are the same. but its not true. it is... somehow. in some way. ego-ness is one of the similarities.

i want to hate you. but i cant. the only thing i can think of now is practically just you. worried, at the same time a little angry. wanna be with you tru the bad times... but you wouldnt allow. you kept your heart close so tightly. you once said i kept a brick wall to protect me. seems like its you now. its always been hidden beneath that you dont even allow anyone to see tru it.

can you stop thinking so much? i mean... what you think might not be right. and what you do based on your thoughts... might not be the best option nor the best choice. so stop wasting your bloody time thinking and worrying for something that you're not supposed to! you once said you weren't good enough for me. says who? nobody is not good enough for anybody. the only thing i know is... im happy with you. and i want you to be happy as well.

look at you now. i had always wonder... does guys always keeps their feelings inside of them tightly and secretly so that nobody knows... but at the same time they expect you to know what are their worries??? hey, you cant expect me to guess whats on your mind. its either you tell, and please... like what you said.. no mind-guessing games ok? im getting real tired of it. sick of it. why cant you just say it out?!?! tell out all your problems! why keep? does it do you any good? does it solve your problems?? no it doesnt. the more you keep, the more you worry. wth?!?! why torture yourself dear...

i know i do the same... but im trying very hard to be myself again. to say what i wanna say. to do what i wanna do. all i need is time. is that too much to ask??

since the day i moved into this current house... i've not been really happy before. seriously. besides the few moments with him. it's been so long since i had that smile where kids show on their faces when they were given sweets?? the smile that can almost cover your eyes?? so long... since i had that.

excuses... are all he gave.

im tired. very... very tired.

[meaningless smiles]
[thoughts] (1)