tell me, who?
[blasted on] Nov 6th, 2006 11:52:47 pm - Subscribe
[I am] once happy, but now tearing apart. again.
seems like my brother is once again angry and mad at me. for what? honestly, i have no idea.
i dont remember doing anything wrong. unless if he tells me what i did. in short... i just cant seem to understand guys in my family. they're.... complicated. some says I imply a lot. i say, my family GUYS imply even more. and implication... sucks.
he thinks he's smart. he is. no doubt. but not in every sense. he just over done it.
he expects me to know whats wrong. what mistakes i did. but to think of it, IF i would to know what i did wrong, wouldn't i be avoiding that mistake? cant you just come right front to me and tell me straight on my face? how am i supposed to know whats running in your complicated piece of mind?!?! and please... don't even get angry at me IF you plan not to tell or correct me. cause i'm not changing until i know whats wrong. i mean... how can i???
thats the problem with guys in my house. ego. and stubborn. guess i just gotto live with it eh?
if this is to continue any longer... im afraid i cant take it anymore. see... i've been down lately. and just recently that i tried to pull myself outta that dark spot. i can say i succeed. i made myself realize how silly i was to think so much.. to think of what is unnecessary. to worry bout what might not even happen. conclusion... its just a waste of effort, waste of energy, and waste of precious time.
now that i try not to think that much... people around me began to start. mostly my loved ones. my boyfriend... extremely down. he aint telling me anything. and i hope he's NOT in suicidal mood. how i wish i can cherish him up but seems like i cant. know why?? i dont even know a single thing happening to him!! damnit.
i tried to be happy even at home. i tried. real hard. but now... my brother is bringing all the sad faces back again. no wonder i cant stand this house any longer. im so tempted to just fly away like those little birds dancing in the sky. i envy them. really. i do.
everything changed. even i do. but i dont want to. i was once a carefree child. the one that you'll see smiling all the time whenever and wherever she goes. the one that cheers up people around her. the one that... guess i just turned from the better to worst eh?
there's no one i can really talk to. i used to to my mom. but she has lotsa thinkings and worries herself. and some things... mom are just not meant to know.
my childhood friend? he's had a girlfriend now that i better should stay away from keep on bothering him. its not a good thing to make other's girlfriend jealous. and frankly speaking, i know how jealousy feels like... and it suck terribly. plus, i wouldnt want him to worry about me either. he's happy with his gf now. better not interrupt.
who else? my godbrother? he aint in a good mood now either. so wouldnt i pull him lower if i would to tell him what happened??
conclusion... tell me. who is there for me?
my bf? like i say... he's in an extreme down mood now.
my current good friend? she's going thru something now. shouldnt be a burden for her. i know i know... thats what friends are for. but as a friend i wouldnt wanna trouble her either.
so tell me... who can i really rely on? myself? yeah i guess thats the only one i can really trust and depend on.
[thoughts] (0)
