annoyed/pissed off (and not for the first time)
Date: Mar 7th, 2006 1:48:50 am - Subscribe
Today started with bio
we had a sub, we also have a test tommorrow and consequently no one ended up actually doing any revision.
then i had chinese.
in chinese did this listening exercise.
I totally sucked
after chinese i managed to get really worried that i was gonna fail chinese coz i suck at listening.
Chinese is the only subject that i actually work for. Maths, english, or whatever else i just cruise and dont honestly care. Chinese is something that ive found ive actually always had to work for. With chinese i actually do the thing where teachers say just cause they havent given you homework doesnt mean you cant revise or whatever. Hell i frekin sit in my room by myself, just sitting there and reading outloud just to try and get the dam pronouciation right.
And having done all that work, todays listening exersice (it wasnt even a test or anything, though we do have a listening test later this week) really fucked me up. I actually felt like i had tryed as hard as i could and i had failed. (for people that havent felt this - it is not very good. For people that have - yeah...tis not fun ey?)
This then had me wandering around in my spare, just walking aimlessly and not talking to anyone coz i was that messed up that i thought i would cry if i tryed talking about it.
This turned out to be just a stupid panic attack on my behalf. Durring my spare i ended up doing what my chinese teacher had sort of being hinting at me to do and just went and found some chinese dudes/exchange guys and asked for help.
Thanks christ i did, (twas quite fortrunete that i sort of knew one of them coz im in the international band (which is sort of weird...since i was born here)) those guys were actually like cool and willing to be helpful. I donno weather talking to them actually helped me but it made me feel better anyway.
so anyway, then i wasnt chucking a spaz over chinese.
durring my spaz however i ran into Emma, who was apparently very unhappy with how our talk ended yesterday (what the hell? yesterdays 'talk' didnt frekin go anywhere and just made things weirder) . Anywho, durring my spaz she actually tried to comfort me, but being a total dick i ended up just walking off, in search of anything.
So then when i was non-moody i found her, cept now she was all unhappy because apparently she felt like 'giving up' (which is what she said yesterday. To date, i still have no idea what we were trying to do or what we are giving up :S) and things just werent pleasent.
then i had english, i have a talk in either 2 or 3 days (our teachers a bitch and wont tell us the order of which groups going when) on a subject our whole group collectivly has only managed to take down 2 pages of notes worth. We apparenlty have to make a powerpoint as well, using different information then what we've written.
then accouting, had a SAC (big offical test thing) easy
Then maths - first time i have ever left a page on a maths test completely blank. And when you consider there were only like 4 sides...thats quite a bit of the test. So yeah, did shit on that, which is not good cos this year i really did want to be getting at least 90's in maths, biology and accouting to get a decent ENTER score
then i had soul band...the problem with sould band is if MRS Robbee isnt actually there, we just dont get anything done.
then i got home....at like 5 to 6
I have a proper bio test tommorrow, and probably some other crap that ive forgotten but instead of revising im sitting here typing htis thing while burning some chinese CD thing which should apparently help my hearing.
i tried calling Emma, apparently her phone wasnt on ...that or she turned it off when she saw who was calling.
tis really annoying me,
because i didnt think that last week was that bad. Then i got a text (which was apparently sent early last week, i just didnt get it till saturday) which didnt lead anywhere good when i replied, and now the only thing we can talk about is 'us' and how im (so far im pretty sure, thats its just being me whos being referred to as awkward, that kind of ticks me off too) always awkward around her and how we can never go to know each other.
My rebuttle to this:
what the fuck? how are we meant to frekin get to know each other if all you ever wanna talk about is how I'M so awkward and cant talk to you?
if anyones bothered to read thus far, yeah i probably sound like a hypocrite cos i didnt wanna talk to her earlier, but fuck i didnt wanna talk to anyone at all earlier, i wanted to just go home sit in my room and never leave earlier.
And then when i asked her about it she just threw a 'talk to horner about it' at me, which pisses me off, because i dont really talk to horner much at all.
but at least now my rant is over
and yeah, i probably have contradictaed myself somewhere in there and probably just sound like a dick head but far out, i really dont need this shit and had to get it out of me somehow
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