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I find lately that I've been doing a lot of "emoting", so the emo-blog seems a perfect idea. This is also a really pretty site, although that's trivial. It's hard to find a really well designed blog site these days. It's so pretty, it may become my primary blog. For now, though, I just want some private space. That's what this is. A place to vent. Please feel free to leave comments, though, as long as you're respectful. I always welcome outside opinion. I'm viewing this more as a journal than a blog. A blog is for your day-to-day activities. A journal is for your feelings. That's what this is all about. Cheers. |
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Dear Love, I have convinced myself that you will never read this, or if you do, you will not know it is me. I have thus decide to write this, to make myself feel better. Perhaps a week ago, I told you I was having my doubts about us. I was wrong. I was having doubts about the place I was in, in my life, but not about us. You and I are the only thing I am not doubting. Last night, you told me you wanted to get away from everything, that you didn't think we could stand against all the accusations, and you had no hope for us. That I could not defend you properly against the slings and arrows my family was hurling. That I didn't know how to defend you. Were you right to say that? Was it wrong of you to put so much pressure on me? Or did the hurt you were feeling outweigh anything else? Either way, I am sorry for your pain. Do not loose hope in us. You told me once, and I still believe it, that as long as we are together, there is hope. That us being together is the only way there can be hope. Please don't forget that. Remember always, whatever else, that I love you with all my heart. That I want nothing more than to be with you for the rest of my life. Please God, let it not be over. Don't loose hope in us. |
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I emailed my cousin today - I had to tell her how mad I was about her talking behind my back. No details necessary. That's all the info you need. Very long story cut very short, I fear I may have been too harsh with her. I told her that I never wanted her to email/talk to me again. Shortly after, I emailed her back and said I was slightly ammending what I had said. I said she could email me, but that I was very very angry and upset. I hope I didn't compromise myself. I'm starting to wish I'd never said anything at all. But I said what I felt, and it needed to be said. I just don't want to come between my mother and her sister. The two of them usually get involved in matters between my cousin and myself. Sigh... I'm just venting. How is it the default emood always seems so appropriate? |
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On the weekend, he told me he intended for us to get married. Not a proposal, exactly. He said he wanted it to be special when he presented me with the ring. But he said he though I might have been having doubts, so he wanted me to know. Not to doubt his commitment to me. All the things I've wanted to hear. I'm so happy. I love him so. He said before he turns thirty, he hopes we will be married. I can't wait. When we first got together, I knew it my heart that we would be together for the rest of our lives. Sometimes, you just know. Now all of this crap I'm dealing with, with my family (extended and otherwise) seems to matter a little less. I know that someday soon we'll have our own family. And that's all that matters. |