I woke up in the middle of the night. I was plagued with a guilty worry... but I said "I'm going to trust God for that..." and the second worry popped up and I said "I'm going to trust God for that one too..." and I felt extremely calm and I rolled over and went back to sleep, and I felt myself drifting off immediately, I was grateful for the peace, and also grateful for the sleep.
My friend has a friend who she has a crush on, and she says they've been friends such a long time... and they have gone out and even discussed marriage. She likes him, and I know she does, but she says the outcome of their discussion is that they both saw it would never work, and I kind of want to know more, because I sort of like him now.
Of course, (grin) I hardly believe in relationships at all.
Some of my classmates got together to sign up for and pay for additional classes... they roped me in, for which I'm grateful. I wouldn't be very motivated without them.
We have a new girl at work. I'd met her dad years back, actually. I would hate for the tensions of work to spill over onto my non-work acquaintances. It would stink big time. Maybe this is just life's friendly reminder to me to keep it real, especially at work.
Yesterday, at the gym, the class focused on countering key lock, then we were supposed to wrestle, so I put my opponent/training partner in a key lock, but didn't manage to submit her right away (maybe it wasn't the correct 90 angle). So I paused so she could get the counter we'd been working on, and she did, and it pretty much went haywire from there. But Art gave us overwhelmingly positive feedback, so I didn't care.
I'm reading a book about God and suffering...
the paradox of God and evil,
and the author spells it out pretty well.
The paradox is that at least one of the following statements appears to be false for logic to be satisfied.
I. God exists
II. God is good
III. God is in the know
IV. Evil exists
V. God is powerful
If all the above statements are true, the conclusion I come to is that the Lord knows something about the existence of evil that I don't. Otherwise, the statements above just fall apart for me.
I have sometimes believed that He's weak or non-existent.
I remember a story that Sir Noble told about a Siberian labor camp. Men were thrown into the labor camp. There the cold, the harsh physical labor in the mine, the brutal treatment from guards and inmates, the lack of food, and the looming reality that they would die there turned people inside out. Sir Noble claimed that pastors who were thrown into the camp became atheists, and atheists who were thrown into the camp became staunch believers in God.
I thought on this and thought on this. (You guys don't understand how I grew up. You don't know what a POW's eyes look like when he's so razed that he'll guard his captors AK47's while they have a beer.)
I know how close I am to uncivilized. Humankind. Just hand us a shortage of anything: food, water, even transportation - then see what happens.
So I came to a personal decision. My belief in God may come and go. Sometimes it will be strong and vibrant. Sometimes it will not be there. I have made a decision. I must bring myself to live in a manner which would be very nearly exactly the same whether I believe in God or not.
My reasons for wanting to do good cannot be based on my belief in God alone. My mode of operations during human conflict must not be guided by cynicism or disbelief. Whether or not God exists, I must act exactly the same.
Case study A: I am dying of thirst, and have an opportunity to kill for a glass of water. Should I do it?
Answer 1 (God exists) *No
Answer 2 (No God exists) *No
Case study B: I have the opportunity to cut in line, thus opportuning myself, and disadvantaging those engaged in queuing. Should I do it?
Answer 1 (God exists) *No
Answer 2 (No God exists) *No
Case study C: My group is dying because we do not have possession of needed resources to survive. Another group has possession, using their strength and resources to secure their claim on the resource; temporarilly assuring their survival. Should we take it by force?
Answer 1 (God exists) *Yes
Answer 2 (No God exists) *Yes
(Unless the shortage is not so severe as to prevent us from making good with the owners and setting up trade with them. The stronger clan, or the clan with God's blessing, will survive. In the case of two clans that will negotiate, both clans will survive/are blessed.)
Do you see that anyone wise may say "Blessed be the name of the Lord>" ???
The name of the Lord is blessed because it promotes life and growth.
Pagans worship fertility, Christians believe that Love is the greatest virtue, humanists appreciate endeavor and triumph...
The common theme here is healthy systems (growth).
So I believe in God, but even if I didn't, I'd work toward the principles in the Bible, which point to healthy systems (growth). Growth is equal to you judging something as good and then successfully promoting it, propagating it, or replicating it.
Even if I got thrown into that labor camp, and became an atheist... (which I haven't) I hope I would still say: "Blessed be the name of the Lord," and I hope I would still behave like a staunch believer, even if the pinions of faith in God and humankind fell out from underneath me.
And healthy systems? Should be beneficial. Christians say: "Fruitful."
It was really sad that Jesse's grandfather, having suffered a long bout of cancer that weakened his heart, contracted a hospital strain of pneumonia while he was having a pacemaker put in. Moved to hospice care a few weeks later, he lived on tubes and morphine until a cardiologist came to turn off his brand new pacemaker.
It seemed like such a terrible waste. Hospital infections are serious risks. And a pacemaker for a terminally ill, *suffering* cancer patient is questionable...
I would think.
Anyway. He was a decent man, Jesse said, relied on by his family and by his coworkers to be a strong (what is it called) "go-to." Like an older brother, maybe.
I don't have any older siblings, and my parents let me call some shots pretty early in life. So I have a dominant streak...
Sometimes it manifests in protective instincts and sometimes it manifests in domineering instincts. It's not that I mind being told what to do...
It's just that it darn well better be right, if someone's being so presumptuous as to tell me what to do. Because I get offended if someone tells me what to do and it's wrong.
I haven't written about Mark in a long time. Awesome instructor. Well, in Thursday's class, Anne went off on him. I was surprised. I've never seen an intermediate belt yell at a black belt before; I mean, not in class. We fixed the situation, sort of. He defended his position, verbally, and then another student corrected her later for her outburst...
Actually, it's making me grin just thinking about it. It's like that story I used to tell Jennie. Eight men in a board room in dark pinstripe suits. A ninth shows up in banana yellow suit. It's funny because it's inappropriate. It's funny because it doesn't fit.
I had to tell Jennie that story because I needed to find a quick way to explain why I laughed at her sad story...
One of Bob's new tenants is engaged in marketing black market goods. Because she's selling marketing to the purveyors, instead of purveying the goods herself, she thinks she's untouchable: legally. That can't be right. If selling a good is illegal, then shouldn't marketing the sale of that good also be illegal?
I mean: it follows. Come on, people. This isn't unmanned flight circuitry.
That's it for today.