The hardest part of my life right now, is being in a relationship for the past 3 years, and now realizing that I don't think I've ever been truly happy with him. Well actually the hardest part of that is the fact that we have a child together.
Over a year ago an ex that I had dated from back in high shool came back into my life. We started hanging out, and before I knew it, we kissed one night. It was honestly magical, it felt like fireworks. I haven't been able to forget about it. Yet I couldn't let go of the 2yrs I had with my current boyfriend/fiance. I felt like I'd be throwing away all the hard work we put into our relationship. It was the hardest decision of my life so far, and I've been regreting it for a long time.
The worst part is that I'm supposed to be getting married next may, and I do love my fiance, but it just doesn't feel deep, like the love I felt for my ex. For my son's sake I want to make things work, but for my sake, for my mental health, I think I need to change something.
Another hard part to this is, I know my ex still has deep feelings for me, we've talked about it many times, about things we wanted to do, and things we had felt. Unfortunately he just recently got engaged...
It's has killed me over the past year to see pictures of them together, knowing that we both wanted to be together, but my relationship stood in the way and then of course his.
My ex always made me feel special, like I was the most important person in his life. He was a true romantic, and he made me feel things that I had never felt before, and haven't felt since.
Whether or not I could have him back, I think I need to end my relationship I'm in now. I'm sick of feeling like I'm 2nd rate in his life. Something has got to change, and soon. I can't remember the last time I had the desire for intimacy at all.