|
Do you ever feel sad, but in a weird way? I don't know how to explain it, and don't really want to, right now. I shall later. |
|
So, today I shall be working for 11 hours doing the same mindless data entry job that I've been doing for over a year. the new people I train make as much as I do. They tell me that I'll be hired into the company soon(I'm a temp), but they've been tellingme that since march, so I'm not exactly holding my breath. and you know what's funny? What's really bumming me out today is the lack of cocoa pebbles. I really do need a therapist, but moreso, I need money.lol |
|
I actually slept fairly well last night. I didn't wake up a bazillion times or anything. I like to sleep early, because it maintains a pattern. I'm obsessive like that. I've been having a hard time breathing, recently.my asthma's acting up. How stereotypical am I? fat girl with asthma. -scoff- I am a joke. |
|
I have a name, but I hate it. it's all spelled wrong (according to society). I hate myself. I'm built all wrong. I'm a walking mistake. But then, there are times when I can make a whole room laugh. And sometimes; if I say the right thing at the right time, he throws his head back and laughs a whole-hearted laugh. it is in that moment that I am justified. My existence means something to someone. I care not if I am "loved". everyone loves us, even just once. but to have your existence "enjoyed". to have someone happy that you're standing there at that exact moment in time. now THAT's something. I do not cry nearly as much as I'd like to. YOu see, I'm an incredibly emotional person.My boyfriend says I need tougher skin. I think he needs to respect my sensitivity to "demands". capice? It's raining. I love when it rains. I feel like the world is crying so I don't have to. see, I told you I'm emotional. the space bar on my laptop is an asshole. I have to edit a short story a co-worker wrote. I don't HAVE to, but I offered. he's cute; what could it hurt? -snicker- he went on vacation to san diego. lucky mofo. My vacation was on my birthday. my parents visited. the clutch in their car broke on the way. I got no present, but they got a new clutch. that's the way my birthdays go. YOu know, I've never recieved an expensive gift in my life from them? it's not me being greedy. I work; I know the value of a dollar. I'm merely stating that I have issues. reiterating, would be a better word for it. I hate the heat.I do. there's no room for it. fat girls don't need to sweat. 'tis true. he ignored me, mostly, yesterday. only talked through email; and it was only one. goddamned bastard. I wan't angry as much as I was like "wtf. yesterday we talked a ton through email, and today nothing?" y'know? 'twas just a dissapointment. going to friendly's for breakfast this morning. I love full breakfasts. granted, I always feel the need to purge afterwards, but hell, I put up with my other emotions, I'll add some guilt on there, too. Actually, I don't deal with them.My boyfriend hates them. he thinks I look too deeply into them. he hates when I get angry, because I don't deny the feeling. he can be a bastard, at times. I still can't get over him cheating. it's been over a year since it happened, and yet I still can't move past it. why is that? |
|
today has been so freaking boring. there's been nothing to do. my boyfriend (o.k, I should stop saying that. he's my fiance, but...well, it's hard to get rid of titles) and I went to Friendly's for breakfast (mmm rawr) and did some grocery shopping. after that: nothing. I ate. guh, I'm sickening. I played DDR for a while (not too many calories burned, but it was fun) and played Karaoke Revolution for a few rounds. Now, I'm watching "the day the earth stayed stil" because my two housemates went to have dinner with family, and my fiance is visiting a dying family friend. so, 'tis just me,my fiance's dog, and my cat. I need a life. |