Who am I?
Date: Oct 22nd, 2005 7:27:22 am - Subscribe
Mood: fat
I have a name, but I hate it. it's all spelled wrong (according to society). I hate myself. I'm built all wrong. I'm a walking mistake.
But then, there are times when I can make a whole room laugh.
And sometimes; if I say the right thing at the right time, he throws his head back and laughs a whole-hearted laugh.
it is in that moment that I am justified. My existence means something to someone.
I care not if I am "loved". everyone loves us, even just once. but to have your existence "enjoyed". to have someone happy that you're standing there at that exact moment in time. now THAT's something.
I do not cry nearly as much as I'd like to. YOu see, I'm an incredibly emotional person.My boyfriend says I need tougher skin. I think he needs to respect my sensitivity to "demands". capice?
It's raining. I love when it rains. I feel like the world is crying so I don't have to. see, I told you I'm emotional.
the space bar on my laptop is an asshole.
I have to edit a short story a co-worker wrote. I don't HAVE to, but I offered. he's cute; what could it hurt? -snicker-
he went on vacation to san diego. lucky mofo. My vacation was on my birthday. my parents visited. the clutch in their car broke on the way. I got no present, but they got a new clutch. that's the way my birthdays go. YOu know, I've never recieved an expensive gift in my life from them? it's not me being greedy. I work; I know the value of a dollar. I'm merely stating that I have issues. reiterating, would be a better word for it.
I hate the heat.I do. there's no room for it. fat girls don't need to sweat. 'tis true.
he ignored me, mostly, yesterday. only talked through email; and it was only one. goddamned bastard. I wan't angry as much as I was like "wtf. yesterday we talked a ton through email, and today nothing?" y'know? 'twas just a dissapointment.
going to friendly's for breakfast this morning. I love full breakfasts. granted, I always feel the need to purge afterwards, but hell, I put up with my other emotions, I'll add some guilt on there, too.
Actually, I don't deal with them.My boyfriend hates them. he thinks I look too deeply into them. he hates when I get angry, because I don't deny the feeling. he can be a bastard, at times.
I still can't get over him cheating. it's been over a year since it happened, and yet I still can't move past it. why is that?
Comments: (1)
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alone - October 22nd, 2005 |
