There's stuff going on atm that's bothering me, about my behaviour mostly, my mental health. Like I'm having trouble remembering something I just did, like, "did I just take that pill?" I remember intending to take it but I don't remember taking it. So I might take another one. Then I worry about overdosing. There are other instances of not remembering something I should be able to remember, like where I put an important letter. It's like there's someone else in my head doing stuff that I don't know about, sneaking in to do things when I'm not paying attention.
And I have no money. My income doesn't cover my outgoings. I'll probably lose internet access in 2 weeks because my credit card is hopelessly over the limit and I can't repay fast enough to keep up with the periodical debits and the fees.
It wasn't always this bad. My mental health usually has a big question mark over it, but other things used to be stable and manageable.
I decided a couple weeks ago I had to give up smoking. 1, for my health. 2, because if I wasn't spending about $30 a week on cigs I might be able to keep up with the bills.
I've been gradually working towards "the day when I have no cigarettes". It was kinda sorta today. I've handled two, lit one, inhaled not at all. I spent about an hour outside today just handling a ciggie trying to trick my brain into believing I was going to smoke it. Eventually the ciggie shredded in my fingers from too much handling so I got another and some time later lit it, but didn't inhale, just parked it on the edge of an ashtray and watched it burn down to the filter.
So it's going okay, mostly. I crave to light up more than I crave nicotine. But meantimes my lungs have gone on strike. It's more than just a smoker's cough (though I had that before and it wasn't nice). I've got a "death rattle", this awful old-person-type wheezing/whistling noise when I breathe, and sounds like someone blowing bubbles behind my spine. Urrrgh.
Couldn't sleep much last night - felt like my chest was being squeezed tight or my throat wouldn't open to let air in. The only position I could breathe in I couldn't sleep in because I kept falling over - kneeling but bent over to my left side. So every time I dozed off I would suddenly be coughing so much it hurt. And then I couldn't breathe more than shallowly for a few minutes. Lather, rinse, repeat.
In the course of cutting down on ciggies my nails have suffered. I hadn't bitten my nails for over 5 years, now I've got two down to nothing (and they hurt!) and one halfway savaged. I didn't mean to, and I could have sworn I was over biting my nails, but apparently not.
Still no money. Got my boyfriend to pay a third of one of my bills today (electricity) just to stop them from cutting me off. Might still lose net access though.
My stupid life continues...
I was confused. I thought the "URL to keyword" thing was a great idea. So I asked the nice people at Aeonity:
With the keyword-to-URL thing, I don't see a box that lets me enter my preferred keywords. It's using the subject as the default, and that's not what I want.
See, I like to use cryptic and/or punny titles. It's a habit learned in admiration of my local broadsheet, which seems to have a policy of using punny headlines whenever possible (although not for serious/tragic stories). So, if I do my usual title thing, the "keywords" in the URL will not be keywords at all, just a mashed-up version of the title. So, hrm, I think, I'm gonna change stuff around and use my custom field as the actual title and the "title" field as my keywords thingy. Yeah. Now, it's great I can do this, but it doesn't exactly work for everyone else.
Other thing - what happens if you edit a post and decide to change the title? Methinks it breaks the permalink of the URL. Anyway, the nice people at Aeonity had this to say:
We removed the Keyword-URL because it was a feature that was redundant and
Okay, people, fair enough. But if it's not a feature any more, please either remove it from the FAQ or else modify what that item says, because at the moment it's misleading.
So, um, yeah. The story so far. *grins*