Everything is up in the air. I am so swamped with my current job- and yet not doing my job. My part time job getting needlessly stressful.

I am waiting to hear if I got the Big Brother's Big Sister's position. I want it. I don't want to leave. I need change, and fear it. FUCK. I AM A COWARD.

Such a coward.
-

'Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.'

I am tired.

Tired of people doing nothing but talking about change. Beaurocracy has been here since the dawn of organized society. Our schools are a disgrace. Our kids are killing themselves faster than the obesity can.

Why would we change what ain't broke?
It is broken.

Society isn't benefitting anyone.
Except it allows us to stay fat and lazy.

I work. I work. I work. I volunteer.
I work.

'Mine is an evil laugh.'
-

So. Halloween, huh?



I have a top hat, and I have tails.
Fishnets, and a corset that makes my tits capable of making Sir Isaac Newton weep.
I hope I do Zatanna justice.

The only sadness in dressing like the enchantress, and mistress of magic herself is- people will only know I am dressed as a
'sexy magician'

Injustice.

And yet- I suppose... in my mid-twenties- I shouldn't be so enraptured by comic books, and the beautiful references they lend.
I'm nearly done reading A Song of Fire and Ice.
I'm killing time.
Procrastinating on my application for a fringe show.

Life creeps forward.
-

My life is becoming full.
I am so close to having to empty my life inbox it is nearly deafening.

I have so many things on the go.
Busy, busy, stagnant.
Rinse, lather, repeat.

My stress levels skyrocket so high- I just... I find I have more coping mechanisms than I know what to deal with. I am an orstrich with my head in the sand, and I am a bear with its' mouth covered in blood.

I play a dangerous game with myself. I live for my downtime. Work is meaningless and mostly an enabler for my laziness.

I want to crotchet, read my bloodlust novels, write my feeling down on paper, drink my tea, watch senseless amounts of shit on television. I am happy at home- happy but I swear my family can smell it and like sharks in the water...

-are after me.

Their stresses, and strains suffocate me. They fuel my indifference and blatent apathy.

Save me?
Throw me a big fucking neon lifering and drag me back to a world where I am capable of empathy.
-

Many thing.
I don't often like to hate, but today seems to be the crankybitchysick day.
So I will allow myself today to rant.

Locked doors when you're sitting in the living room. Your two volumes; angry and yelling. Your inability to use common logic.

I refuse to talk about it anymore.
The more I talk about your dumb,loud, cunt ass. The more I seeth.

Worst lifechoice ever.
-

Thisbe.
-

Stomach churning.
By gaslight burning.
I need this day to end.
---


Ever feel like your significant other is cheating on you- for no real reason? Now, before you agree; and tell me that my feelings are likely correct. Allow me to explain.

I am not talking about the beautiful boy that shares my bed. I am not talking about he with his unexpected holds, and sweetness.

I talk about fiction. I feel like life is cheating on me.
With what?
My younger, more dazzling twin? My life has changed drastically. Again. I am living with Exspensive. Everything is good- well... most everything. Work is meh. Money is meh. And oddly enough, my only complaint (Besides people not paying me back monies) is that I miss her.

The time zones are enough to kill me. It's odd.
My co-dependence normally doesn't hold this long.
I miss her. I hate Korea. I hate Korea.
And car insurance.
---

The pallid spew of colour,
by the graying light grows duller,
I need this day to end.
-