"At Mass at Kingscliff on Mother's Day the priest asked the children what they had given their mums," writes Maree Everingham. "Was it something she used to do work with, or had anyone given something which really surprised their mum? One little fellow obliged; he had given his mum a card. 'How was that a surprise?' the priest asked. 'Well,' he replied, 'she thought she was getting a present as well."'
Heh. Cute. (But could his dad get away with the same thing?)
I am struggling to understand shades of "uniqueness". Having read an ad for an "absolutely unique" property, I was reminded of previous struggles to compare "uniquity". Is "absolutely unique" more unique than "very unique", and does the use of either these quantifiers somehow indicate a more unique quality than the use simply of "unique"?
Ann Commens of Beecroft, in Letters
As a former colleague was fond of saying, "You can't qualify an absolute." Unique is an absolute (it either is, or it isn't), and putting any kind of descriptor before it is showing your ignorance. Yep.
Peculiar and amusing bottle shop names continue to arrive, this one from Colum Hughes, of Coogee. In Belfast in 1979 he spotted "Judas' Carryout", and notes that "Even the apostrophe is in the right place". But is it really? "Judas's Carryout" works even better.
Fabulous pun, but must they do the apostrophe thing again? Yes, it's in the right place. Possessive apostrophe at the end of word ending in S. No extra S, please!!!
So the boyfriend swings by Friday, after work. He texted me as he was getting off the bus, so I was waiting with the door open a crack, peering out. He was carrying a pizza. No cage or bulge in his shirt big enough to be a guinea pig. Phew. But, wait.... "Is there a mouse in your pocket?" I said nervously, trying to sound flirty. "No, I'm just pleased to see you, har har!" he replied, then decided to be insulted that I'd said mouse and not boa constrictor (not unlike the tampon ad where the guy in the supermarket sneers at minis). I pointed to the pizza and said, "Is that my surprise?" He rolled his eyes and pretended he was going to eat it all himself, so I let him in.
He said the pizza was not the aforementioned surprise, but he figured he should feed me since he hadn't shaved. So we ate, getting crumbs all over the place (the lounge room is never clean for more than a day at a time), because we're too piggy to use plates. On learning I had no beer he insisted on going out to get some. I wasn't in the mood for drunken antics but I know he's in the habit of a beer after work on Fridays so I didn't object very loudly.
So he came back with beer for himself, cider for me (he's a good boy!) and a half bottle of fizzy wine. "What's that for?" I said, frowning. "It was on special, I thought we might try it." he said. "Hrm." said I, feeling inadequate because I don't have any proper glasses for that kind of thing. "Let's watch a movie!" he said, digging two DVDs out of the inner pocket of his jacket. I looked at him as strangely as I could manage but he carried on regardless. Thus I knew something was up. "What?" I said, blinking and trying to look like a cute anime creature. "Nothing." he said. He'd put Two Hands and Amelie on the table, and I chose the latter. He was exaggerating every movement, making little flourishes with his hands.
"Look," I said, trying to sound rational and sane. "If you've arranged for someone to deliver a box of rabbits later, you'd better tell me now." "What do we need rabbits for? Wasn't the pizza enough?" he said, sticking his tongue out at me (grrr). "But don't you want fluffy bunnies? I thought you wanted bunnies?" he said, sounding hurt. "I did want fluffy bunnies but I don't think I can take care of them properly." He looked worried. "I'm thinking a guinea pig or rats or mice." I added. "Look, did you or did you not buy me pets already?" I said. "Would I do that to you?" he said, looking innocent and hurt again. "Yes, you would if you thought it would make me happy," I said. "But what makes me happy isn't always the right thing to do. As I keep telling you." "But I like making you happy!" "What I want isn't always what's good for me." and so on.
Finally he said we should watch the movie, relax, drink a bit, and he would tell me about the surprise after, and he promised it did not involve any animals. So we did that, although I fell asleep towards the end (I have seen it before), because I was stressed and tipsy and he's like a big warm beanbag to lean against (hee hee). Like, snuggle...
The surprise is that his parents want us to get married and will pay for it. Which means his parents want us to get married in a church, me in a white dress (I'm not a dress kinda girl, these days... army pants and combat boots, please), with 300 of our closest friends... and there I am thinking, "Oh god, I only know four people I can invite!" Not to mention neither of us is religious (in fact, his parents aren't either), and... argh.
"During breakfast the other day," writes Paul Massey, of Northbridge, "our six-year-old son, Lachlan, decided to make himself some toast. Grabbing a piece of bread, and on the point of placing it in the toaster, he said to his mother, 'Mum, how do I put the bread in - landscape or portrait?"'
Heheh. Truly witty.
"While wandering around the Australian Museum recently," writes Greg Loder, of Springwood, "I came across the skeleton of a very large dinosaur. Impressive display, but to my surprise as I peered upwards the dinosaur was wearing what looks like a pearl necklace. Is this our very own version of the Da Vinci code?" Greg, this is Sydney. A giant Darlinghurst reptile can wear whatever it likes.
Hrm. Somewhat mysterious. Giggle.