moongirl's Blog

I decided a couple weeks ago I had to give up smoking. 1, for my health. 2, because if I wasn't spending about $30 a week on cigs I might be able to keep up with the bills.

I've been gradually working towards "the day when I have no cigarettes". It was kinda sorta today. I've handled two, lit one, inhaled not at all. I spent about an hour outside today just handling a ciggie trying to trick my brain into believing I was going to smoke it. Eventually the ciggie shredded in my fingers from too much handling so I got another and some time later lit it, but didn't inhale, just parked it on the edge of an ashtray and watched it burn down to the filter.

So it's going okay, mostly. I crave to light up more than I crave nicotine. But meantimes my lungs have gone on strike. It's more than just a smoker's cough (though I had that before and it wasn't nice). I've got a "death rattle", this awful old-person-type wheezing/whistling noise when I breathe, and sounds like someone blowing bubbles behind my spine. Urrrgh.

Couldn't sleep much last night - felt like my chest was being squeezed tight or my throat wouldn't open to let air in. The only position I could breathe in I couldn't sleep in because I kept falling over - kneeling but bent over to my left side. So every time I dozed off I would suddenly be coughing so much it hurt. And then I couldn't breathe more than shallowly for a few minutes. Lather, rinse, repeat.

In the course of cutting down on ciggies my nails have suffered. I hadn't bitten my nails for over 5 years, now I've got two down to nothing (and they hurt!) and one halfway savaged. I didn't mean to, and I could have sworn I was over biting my nails, but apparently not.

Still no money. Got my boyfriend to pay a third of one of my bills today (electricity) just to stop them from cutting me off. Might still lose net access though.

My stupid life continues...

femmeemo - March 29th, 2006 Good luck with the habit. And the nail biting. Sometimes I think my nail biting is harder on my system than smoking used to be. But it's worth it, I feel better, after the nasty "I want to die so my lungs stop vomiting" feeling wears off. And it does. I'm such a nasty child. Getting better at this being a kid thing though... Yeah, no really nasty habits! -Femme.

femmeemo - March 29th, 2006 Yeah, this whole template adapting thing is trial and mostly error. I think I've managed one that I'll keep for a while. It's not what I want. But I just can't do what I want, so tough luck for the technically challenged, I guess. Good Luck with your template. If you figure out how to right align the basic template, let me know. It's been a HUGE pain in the ass. Night!! -Femme.

frost - March 29th, 2006 Hope it goes well. I know its tough to quit. I still get cravings to this day (Yet I only smoked for less than a year) Good thing mine wasn't too far gone. Hope for the best. --FrosT

deathcab4u - March 31st, 2006 Go for it! You CAN do it. It won't be easy, you will have the desire to, but fight it. My girlfriend and I fight it together. We just take turns being the devil and the angel.

moongirl - September 05th, 2011 Nail-biting: beaten. Cigarette-smoking: beaten. Yet I still sometimes have panic-type dreams about doing both. Crazy.

ReCaptcha:

Anonymous guest, why not register, or login now.