And here is a video for the song this entries named after... you should watch it, it's funny as hell!
Lol, love you guys!!! Bye!
|
|
|
So what's new you ask... life! I have a job at Subway, yes I am a slave of the corporate machine. Oh well, it pays the bills and I love my boss. Boss = my friend Rachel who is hands down the coolest boss ever. I work random hours though usually I close, and I get to eat Subway which as far as fast food goes, doesn't suck to heinously. Tomorrow is my birthday, WOOT! I guess. I don't know if I'm half as excited as everyone else seems to be but it does make me feel loved that they care so much. Presently tally at the moment...one... one totally awesome one! I got a book from my friend/ neighbors boyfriend Joe. Ok, so those of you who don't get why that's awesome... firstly I love books... secondly I don't have to by it now... thirdly it's the fourth book to a series I have read the rest of by one of my favorite authors... and fourth...ly?... I TOTALLY WANTED IT BAD!!! I squealed like a girl when I saw it. Later today I am supposed to go see my family for birthday celebrations, which is sweet because I get to see my mom and my brother who I miss more than any... anywhere. And I also hope to get more nifty presents and get to do some fun stuff with my family. I hope... they have a tendency to be... hypocritical and judgmental... but when they get that way I hide in my little circle with my mom and bro and step dad and take solace in the fact that there are still open minded people out there somewhere. Well, I think this is already longer than I intended so I will stop rambling... oh, wait... here is a pic of my new tattoo right after it was finished... I love it!!!! And here is a video for the song this entries named after... you should watch it, it's funny as hell! Lol, love you guys!!! Bye! |
broknangel
Musicians Apr 16th, 2008 7:02:55 am - Subscribe
|
|
Its like a whole different world... wake up in the middle of the night and write a song, play guitar til 3am, and practice some more when you get up in the morning. I admire it and yet I hate it so. Okay so it was my choice to move in with him. I knew all along what he was like, and i knew that it would be hard for me, but I love him, and i knew that no matter what it was going to work because we were right. Was I right? i guess in a way I was... then again... maybe not. Our relationship? stronger than ever. Our finances? lower than ever. I suppose the sickness hasnt helped. if i was able to work we wouldnt be in such a financial rut... Or maybe if he payed for more... but i darent ask him to pay for food or power or rent or any of the bills because i know how much this band means to him and how he already wishes he could put more money into it. but when he gets over $600 and I only get $180 i do wonder why it is that im left to pay for everything. When do i get my break. When do i get to buy cool stuff? New clothes. i only have one pair of pants. one jersey. two pairs of socks. My underwear has holes in it and is falling apart, my only pair of shoes have holes in the soles... When do i get a break? every week i spend every cent i earn on food, and rent, and power, and petrol... to drive him to work and back, to keep a roof over his head... to keep him from starving. I feel like im drowning, and yet in a way ive never been happier. i couldnt imagine being without him, i love him so much, and when i look at him i cant help but smile. Does he hear me cry at night? Does he see the tears prick at my eyes as i hand over my last few coins to buy groceries, or petrol. Does he realize how stressed out and upset I am? No... because i keep it together for him. I just want him to have things good. I want him to feel secure, and I want him to think that everything is okay and he can take that time if he needs to to relax, and de-stress. I THINK IM GOING TO EXPLODE =[ |
|
broknangel
Just an old blogger returned Apr 14th, 2008 8:46:09 pm - Subscribe
|
|
Wow blogs aye. the older you get the less time you have to update them. So im 19 now. It sounds better than it feels although im pretty sure i couldnt handle my life situation a couple of years ago. So things happened at my old flat and a few months ago i moved in with my boyfriend, which i have to say might have been the best decision ive made thus far because no matter what happens ive always got him beside me to hug me and tell me everythings going to be okay, which in reality could be a lie, but its okay cos its one of those things that makes you feel better anyway. And I live with a bunch of uncomplicated chilled out people who do complain and fuss but not to the point where i feel like pulling out a gun and shooting them all, or myself. Haha, okay so nothing has gotten that bad. Okay so its a bit of a struggle, i mean what with rent and food and power and phone, and internet, for two people on the tiny amount I get off my sickness benefit and what he gets from his work its really hard to live, but we are still happy, and thats al that really matters. Oh yeah did i mention my sickness. I got glandular fever awhile ago, i quess it was rather serious, but i was getting better when i started having seizures, so to make a long story short ive had about 7 months off work and had to be on the sickness benefit. and through several bad reactions to medications, possible liver failure, and a few other shocks, things are finally starting to get better. i got a kitten, a cute one. okay theyre all cute. but she is awesome... cept she has just started pooing in the house which is kinda a disaster, especially if the landlord finds out.... and i got my tongue pierced. which hurt less than i expected and yet i must say hurt way too much for my liking lol, and still hurts when i eat spicy food, but its got a cool ball on it now, and it never ceases to keep me amused during bored patches in my day.... i dont really have much to say, especially since my bf is looking over my shoulder and calling me a geek cos im blogging, and until now he hadnt really realized how much of a computer nerd i really am. anyhow i spose i should go cos there is always work to be done. |
|
|
We met upon a mossy lane ‘Neath many a shady tree. We walked about and spoke of life As it were meant to be. My love and I, our lives were one He took my heart that day. I ne’r again need walk alone We’d be wed right away. My love, then spoke those sad’ning words I so yearned not to hear He said to war he must then go But that I should not fear My love so long did fight so true; My heart in constant pain. Then one grey day I sensed the shock; Knew it’d not be the same. The shot that brought him down that day; Surely, it pierced my heart. Right then I knew I mustn’t live Lest we be kept apart. But on that night, he came to me, Said there, I should remain. Alas I felt that this was wrong; My love I’d not refrain. So out I went into the night In search of his dear soul And now my spirit roams these woods The Willows sing my song. Green willows mourn this day And whisper this sad tune A song of love and loss it be Until our great reun’n |
|
|
|
I can't believe my luck! haha I just noticed that my license plate is gone! I do not remember it being gone last night, but it was possibly stolen from my driveway. Or, it may have been stolen from the parking garage at my office building...or across campus in another staff lot. I called the police and told them I was not sure where it was stolen and was informed that I could only make a report in the city in which it was stolen! haha So I was like "yeah...it was stolen in *this* city" I'm still waiting now for the police to call me back to take my report over the phone. It's been about two hours now...I hope they call soon lol. I don't want to get home tonight and hear of "the get-away car had the license tag XXX### and seems to be registered to My Name" lol |
|
|
|
I was diligently working at my desk when I heard a voice from the hall saying we had to evacuate the building immediately. We all scattered out, yelling out a warning into the bathrooms as we passed. Outside, we heard there was a suspicious package near the front door. It was described as a long, tall brown bag partially open. Someone else had said it was a "package." Most emergency services were in attendance for this grand event: Firemen, Policemen, and Bomb Squad! We stood at the far corner of the back parking lot....waiting...waiting then BOOM! Geese, ducks, and heron were startled into flight in all directions. The bomb squad had exploded the package. The inquisitive went to the front of the building and discovered the tattered remains of...what??? what is that??? It looks like napkins? Yes! Smoothie King napkins! Turns out that the Smoothie King man had dropped the package of napkins as he was leaving after bringing refreshments to our nursing department. What an exciting afternoon that was. |
|
broknangel
One Life, Many Stories Dec 16th, 2007 3:10:23 am - Subscribe
|
|
Its so great isnt it, when things suddenly feel like they are falling into place. Theres nothing like that feeling of waking up beside someone you love... that first kiss in the morning, getting up and going about life knowing that when you go to bed that person is going to be beside you. So i did it. I took the leap. Yes ive slept with him, and ive basically lived with him, and ive talked to him almost every day for the past 5 and a half months, but i havent ever said the L word... I was too scared. understandably, after all the hurt, and betrayal, and everything i have been through, i was just too afraid, and yet, unknown to me, all he needed was for me to say it, to break through the boundary of fear that was stopping me, and okay, i was drunk, and i would have said just about anything...but i didnt say anything... i said i loved him. And he said it back...sure it stopped the sex we were in the middle of, but it also opened up this whole new fountain of amazing feelings. just knowing that he loved me, and knowing that he knew i loved him, made me feel like my life was so whole... His sister, earlier in the night, before either of us had had alcohol, told him that she used to think he should never reproduce, not because of him, but because of all the chicks he used to go out with, and what they were like, and then she looked at me and she told us both that now she could really see us being together forever, and that she was expecting me to have a lot of kids, except not for a very long time, and instead of getting embarassed, or disagreeing, he just smiled... I could write a story about my life. It would be a lot like one of those stories you read that people who dont give a damn about proper spelling, and just tell things how they are write. about teenage girls... and about what they go through. and what ive gone through... It would include the throwing up, and the cutting, and it would tell about falling in love... and my life sorting out... and finding my nook... where i really belong... and most of all it would tell about life... and that everyone goes through these things. that anyone can come out the other side...you just need to help yourself... its you and you alone |
|
broknangel
The Big Update Dec 5th, 2007 12:48:33 pm - Subscribe
|
|
About 8 months ago life took a turn for the better when i made the decision to move out of home...It hasn't been easy that is for sure, but it was well worth it. I've met some awesome people, and some horrible people, and some people who have just taught me a few things about myself. Sometimes I've wondered why i did it, sometimes I've been lonely, sometimes I've thought if only I had done things differently, but here I am, and i wouldn't change anything. When I first moved in, it was just me and this girl, and we got on incredibly well, and although its been slightly rocky at times, we still do get on really well... Well she told me to join this dating website. Although it wasn't really my style, and i had just gone through a painful breakup, i joined, just for the hell of it. I talked to old guys, creepy guys, young guys, and guys that maybe should be removed from existence, but there was one guy i talked to, who i got on with quite well, and we became friends. He would txt me, or we would talk on msn, we didn't meet, there was just no need to, we were friends. Well exactly 5 months and 1 day ago i invited him around for a party...and now i wouldn't be without him for the world. 4 months ago i caught Glandular Fever, and it hit me in one of the most severe doses that my doctor had ever seen, and to this day i still haven't quite recovered. I got my first ambulance ride, and spend the night in hospital and suddenly had everyone that now lived with me doing everything for me. Hiring videos, making food, buying orange juice, and apple juice, and fruit, checking on me day and night... and most people would enjoy that, but for me, who has always been extremely healthy and independent, it was just frustrating. And my slow recovery was even more frustrating. Well about 3 weeks ago i had finally started to feel almost normal again and my boyfriend and I were on our way to his place with my driving (because nobody drives my car, i love it too much), and as i was driving i had a seizure, and my boyfriend had to grab the steering wheel and the handbrake. I was quickly rushed to the doctor who ordered a CT scan. A week later as i was laying in bed, had just woken up I turned over to talk to my boyfriend and i had another seizure. I made a doctors appointment, and slept for the rest of the day. A week later i went to the doctor, who sent me straight to the hospital, now worried that i had a brain tumor of some sort. I was let out that night and i went home with my boyfriend. Three days later i was once again sent into the hospital to have my CT scan, which although was scary was manageable. The next day i was at my boyfriends talking to his sister, and his flatmate and i started to feel ill, so i went outside to sit on the deck. A few minutes later i started throwing up blood. His sister and his flatmate ran to get him out of the shower and they all crowded around me, but i refused to go back to the hospital again. Two hours later i threw up again, with a lot more blood, and this time his sister didn't hesitate to call an ambulance. 7 hours later i was discharged from hospital and my boyfriend drove me back to his house where he could look after me if anything at all happened. Whilst I was at hospital they got the results of the CT scan which cleared me of having a brain tumor but now leave epilepsy as the only other option... Through all of this I've managed to quit smoking! I'm just taking each day as it comes. It's not easy, I'm in a lot of pain, i feel very sick, and i desperately want to smoke, but I'm finding that i can do it. I am stronger than I ever thought i could be. =] |
|
|
|
There is but One who sees an invisible one. Scream, but there is silence. Speak, but there is noise. Please listen to the invisible one. There are many "invisible ones" in our world today. Perhaps you work with one or sit next to one in class. There's the quiet guy you never notice on the bus, the lady who silently walks around to complete her shopping. The person who tries to communicate in groups but is ignored or cannot be heard from the lack of others' listening. These people hurt. They want to be heard and ignored no more. Can't we all stop our selfishness enough to listen to the invisible? to show compassion? Why don't we care? |
|
broknangel
Men...! Sep 29th, 2007 4:38:06 pm - Subscribe
|
|
When James and i got together it was just accepted that we would take things slowly. Especially since, for me, this was the first really serious, grown up relationship i had been in. And don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I'm happier than I have ever been in my life. I can truly say that i have the best boyfriend in the world. It's only been just over three months, but i know deep down that this is something that could last for a long time, and I love that. I feel safe and secure. I'm not afraid of where this relationship could lead, although like i said we are taking it slowly, so I am hoping that it isnt planning on leading anywhere too serious in the next few months! Oh but of course, there must be a catch, with all this happiness. Well i don't want to hurt him, or make him feel that i don't want to move on. Last night i was at his house, and he had his arms around me, and I had to leave, and he said to me, "I don't want you to leave, you should live here." Now I'm pretty sure he didn't mean it seriously, and although i didn't want to leave, my mouth shot off before i had time to think. I giggled, gave him a big hug and said, "yeah, that really wouldn't work..." I mean in reality, his town is an hour away from mine, and i have work, and my doctor, and it would be hard from my point of view, and beside that point, i thought he said it non-seriously. But it took him a minute to reply. He said, "Nah, you're right it wouldn't." And laughed. Now maybe I'm reading too much into this, maybe i should chill out. We both know we aren't ready to move in with each other and he was joking... right...? I guess i just really don't want to screw things up with him because he is the most amazing guy I have ever met... |
|
broknangel
Life in the fast lane Sep 27th, 2007 2:20:18 am - Subscribe
|
|
Six or seven months ago i moved out of home. Best decision i ever made. It was just me and a chick, and it was the happiest, funnest, most relaxed time of my life. Then Nathan moved in. That was okay... you got used to him after awhile. I mean i spose it took awhile, but he is alright. Then carlton, nicole, and matt moved in. Suddenly the house was overcrowded, Lorilei changed, stopped caring. My boyfriend was my one escape. the one thing that kept me happy. And Kris... its always good to have someone to go to coffee with, who understands Lorilei, and flat life when you're the only one who works or cares about sleeping. Last night i went to bed early, and this avo Kris came over and said that after i went to bed, Lorilei, my so called friend, was bitching about me, telling all sorts of lies, and gloating that she was in a band with my boyfriend when im not. She knows i was offered a place in the band. I turned it down, im quite happy not being in the band. So now i need a new job AND a new place to live... and i feel so young and kind of scared. I really wish i knew what to do... where to go. I know that if i go back now i will blow up. explode, possibly physically hurt her... or even worse... myself... What should i do 
|
|
broknangel
Overlooking Life Sep 17th, 2007 2:58:52 am - Subscribe
|
|
Its been a long time. So the other day my mother was talking to my boyfriend about what a good writer i used to be, so i decided to look up some of my old writings. Instead of finding stories, i found blogs, blogs that damn near made me cry. Never before have i realized how hurt, and upset, and terrified of life that i was just a few months ago. I look now at how much my life has changed. Now i live in my own place, and have a nice car. Now I'm in a secure relationship. But i have to wonder, even though all this has changed, am i happy? I know now that not one part of me wants to die. That im no longer afraid to live, but knowing that i havent dealt with any of these feelings, any of the underlying causes of these feelings, what if things change. Will those feelings come back? Or am is the new found happiness here to stay? I guess i havent changed that much, i still wonder what could have been. or what might be. I still wonder what will happen to me, and what i'm here for. |
|
|
|
It's been a couple months since I posted. I'm playing Rakion online and Kal and MU AND I just started a new game: Blue Rose. It's fun  bluerose.no-ip.orgIt's really kind of a corny cheezy game..but I have a car lol! So I have fun driving around ^^ Work has been crazy! It is finaly slowing down now though! After everyone gets in classes, it gets better
|
|
|
|
Wow, I haven't got a chance to get on aeonity in a while and so therefore did not know that there was a small login issue. Due to this I thought for a while that I couldn't get on aeonity anymore. I didn't realized until then how much I would miss being able to write here. Well all is well I am back on and able to write. I will probably do a much better update in a few days but I don't really have the time right now. Well folks, ttyl. <3 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
We went to Six Flags yesterday. It was fun If you go, ride the Goliath in the front seat!!! Do not ride Acrophobia lol!!! ::pant:: |
|
broknangel
What happened to "I'll love you forever"? May 2nd, 2007 6:05:47 am - Subscribe
|
|
When *he* asked me out he said we would make it work, he said not to worry, that no matter what it was that we could work through it. He told me he loved me, and he wanted it to work. He said he loved me. When he started on drugs, i accepted it. I didn't ditch him, even though everyone around me told me to. I didn't give up on him when he ignored me for two weeks, and then when he suddenly asked for his jersey back after not speaking to me, i accepted it and just let him be. When i got sick of this i asked him what was up and he said we had to end it. That it wasn't working. That he loved me but it wasn't going to work. He said he loved me. *love* doesn't give up. Love. If he loved me he would make it work. What did i do wrong? Why am I not good enough. This evening i started cutting again. This time worse than before. i felt so out of control. Like i really couldn't stop, and when i had finished, it was only then that i realized what i had just done. Overdosed on some painkillers, covered up my wrist, and told myself no one would notice my smeared makeup, and the blood on my jersey. People noticed Nobody helped me. Nobody offered to help me. No one asked what was wrong. I just want to be loved. To know what i did wrong. For the first time in my life i felt like i had really met someone who i could imagine being with for a long time. someone i wasn't afraid to be myself around. Someone i wasn't ashamed to be seen around. Someone i wanted to tell everyone about because i cared about him so much. Someone who's family i wasn't afraid of. Someone's who got on with my family. Why do i always screw up? |
|
broknangel
I need advice... bad Apr 28th, 2007 2:03:06 am - Subscribe
|
|
m honestly so upset right now. I just don't know what to do. When i first started going out with michael things were so perfect. And i just wanted some security in my life, and things felt so right with him, so i guess i became attatched far too quickly. But you know when he met my whole family, when he introduced me to most of his family, i just felt so at home, and comfortable with him and our relationship. I guess when he met all my mates, and ps. phil, and said they were cool, i felt realy encouraged that maybe this time i had found someone who i could stay with for even awhile. When he ditched me and started ignoring me i knew drugs were involved, but when he told me, and promised he wouldnt any more, i felt hope... and then he said he would make it up to me, and said he would come on wednesday, and i felt even better, but when he turned up stoned, i felt like i had died. And so when he apologized the next day, and really made a break through and promised me that it really wouldnt happen again, i really felt like he could be serious. Now ive just got suspicious again. hearing that he is with ben, knowing taht he isnt talking to me, it just terrifies me. and upsets me more than anything because i really felt like i had finally found someone that wasnt going to hrut me. I just feel like im not good enough. that ive done somthing wrong. that ive screwed this up for us. I just felt like somehow this one was right, and now he isnt talking to me, and i havent seen him, and i just want him so bad. i really felt like god was saying it was right. and now i dont know whats happened. |
|
|
|
"I like, |
|
|
|
Three Ships Sinking One Yellow One Blue One Black Waking up on a rainy morning Before the sun has risen Standing on the dock Looking out into the water I couldn't believe they all had sunk Three ships in succession This was a dream |