|Echo This Bitch
||Dinosaur Act- Low|
I used to think i wasn't in a bad spot. I know I'm not. And at times when no ones there, there really is no one there. I have spent these past two days like I have spent them last summer. Sitting alone, in a basement, cold dark without a light obviously, and there isn't anyone to hold or think about.
I used to think that just having great admiration for the most beautiful girl in the world was enough to keep get going through my days. It's not. Music helps, until it ends. Movies can help, but they let you know what your missing. friends are close but can only be friends through so much. And if your lucky, and that's 1 out of atleast a million chances, the one person you want to notice you just for a second barely does anything more than glance or wave just to draw you away for the breifest moment.
I don't know why people make shit so confusing. I know why I do it. It's cause I have to. It's the only way to get what I don't want. This doesn't make sense to anyone other than myself but in my logic--getting something I don't want is the only way to get people what they want so they can be happy. to know that I am the root of one moment in someone's life is enough to keep me optimistic.
People with their bullshit of leaving you out of the loop or not doing something you have made a plan is one of the worst feelings in the world. It says to anyone who know somethings up that you aren't worth the time, the suffering, they aren't friends for helping you fill up tha void. The bullshit I've gotten through is only leading to more. I say I'll take it cause there isn't shit to do around here.
I don't see a reason to move on other than people want me to. I'd be perfectly fine just dying in my death bed. I think I've been seeing things quite straight forward these past couple of years. I'm of age to make an adult decision, and I don't even care. Fuck this place. Fuck the people that have lied to me. Fuck the world that has bestowed it's useless antics to make me a better person.
I know my life isn't as hard as many people on the Emo Blogs. But Damn it, I have a void too. I want to be there for them as they have for me already. I mean, this is honestly progably my 4th post on here, but reading some people's public blogs, I feel like shit for not being there--for not actually going through it.
Probably the only thing I have that even comes close is my loneliness. Everyone's alone, "You will Never really know someone" --Rules of Attraction. And right now, I have a Problem with everything--family, friends, and love. Fuck it.