Well, I'd always imagine driving to be something I'd do well in. So far it shows that I need improvement, no accidents yet, and that's always good. I've done some illegal things so far, but we'll leave that for the cops.

Man, it's fucking warm for the summer. I'm dying here. I'm hoping my new computer will be easier to handle in the weather--it's going to look like either a plane or a elephant! haha! I don't know yet.

Yeah, lately, I've been thinking about alot of things ahead of me--I'm hoping that well maybe I can atleast make it out to Cali--cause that's where all my oppurtunities are going to be if they aren't out of the country. Fuck animation--seriously. Well, I could just go for Film. But theres more competition there.

Daughahgahhghghghg. This heat kills, it's sapose to be about fifty-degrees outside, and it's like seventy something. Fuck MICHIGAN!!!

And today I wrote a song for Omaha and Elliot Smith as I cheered on Spoon with Gimme Fiction. Good Day Peeps.

-See

Well, it's been a while hasn't it?

Lately I've been a bit stuck around the house without a computer and internet, I hope that I can get back to doing entires soon.

Most recently, I've been rebuilding my computer--just buying parts right now, it's gonna be a while before I get it completed.

And, Yeah. That girl, I decided not to take any steps with her, because theres just a bit too much to deal with the distant relationship if we were to start it now.

So, theres the downer news.

I've got a handle on my problems. It's consisting of lying to not hang out with the friend that I can no longer concider. She's left an handfull of my friends now out of the loop.

Other than that as the bad news of barring bad gifts. I've been talking to a friend--who might seem more like a friend. She likes me, I would have to say alot--but I think theres alot of admiration there. I don't want to take it forgranted--but she's leaning like I could... There is an age issue of her under 18, as i'm 18 already. I'll figure something to make all plans work--especially California.

--See

Whose got a plan for this? Or a plan for that?

I've got it.

Well after talking to my buddy-we're going to make plans for when he comes over to see the College for Creative Studies show. Most likely his girlfriend is coming so I have no problems what so ever. I hope it works out.

Next on the list.

It seems that my friends and I want to head to California. Theres no doubt that I'm going now. You see, this summer, I'm getting a car this weekend. I'm gonna get my license--then next year I plan to leave Michigan for atleast two weeks. The first two days are going to be traveling for Omaha, Nebraska to meet up a friend. Most likely spend two days or so there--the rest of the two or three days is to head out to California. It'll be a road trip across the Northern America. And we'll spend about four or maybe even 5 days in California. It's a bit much I think--but it's best to plan for the longest time. I'll be out and about enjoying the stat in which I was born. No one telling anyone anything, it's all an agreement. And the rest is the trip back.

I only hope I can handle the cash. I'm gonna pull out a little extra from a student loan so I can make this work out. 'Cause I hope to be in California and goto school at Cal Arts. I'll go for an animation or film degree. I'll work my ass off. I'll probably lose alot of cash and what not, but a plans a plan. I'll make this trip, it'll be like a dream, but what's this place--theres almost nothing stoping a plan but me.

I'm not exactly sure whose coming, but I hope everyone will try to work together. I really really do. I have friends that I've known since high school, their looking to goto California, and I'd like them to join me. They don't know my other friend though--who I have known for a year--through a service. I just hope everything works out. I hope no ones left behind but I'll make it to California--I will, because it's my plan.

--See

Haha, Today I just wanted to share a moment--I'm ready to dance the days away. I think it's cause girls aren't bitches anymore--they were at one point in my life. But that was my fault I believe, but it's time to forget my mistake--time to kick back and dance with the chicks w/o dicks!!!!! Hahaha

--See

Well things seem to be looking up. Only cause I haven't looked down.

Lately, I've been listen'n to stuff I haven't yet listened to in so long or haven't taken the time to. I've got 8,658 songs; 636 artists; and 931 albums. I must say I'm happy with that, but I'd like more.

I've been listen'n to Elliot Smith, Death Cab, Pete Yorn and some other stuff--quite soft for the moment.

P.S. I'm willing to share.

--See

So I have a place that I goto. I sit there, wating and talking with my thoughts, trying to work things out. As I sat there, my nose bled. I tilted my head--I relaized that the lack of sleep I'm getting is getting to me. I know I shouldn't be pushing myself to stay up, but I think it's better than sleeping in all day. I'm still quite lonely.

Maybe it's best that i move out of my brother's house. Get away from my family. Get a new change in scenery. Get the fuck away from everything I know. It's honestly the only thing I know left in me. My family has tought me nothing but how to move. I don't think I can ever move on. But it's ok.

Hopefully after this next college school year I'll be able to head to California, goto Cal Arts in LA and find a new place to die in. This place is wicked like the thoughts I've tried to give up. People I know I cannot stand anymore. Their all into themselves and not willing to give up something.

Today has been a better day than the last few. I called a girl today--I surprised her. I hoped she smiled.

--See

Well I've been looking forward to this blog. My friend decided to not call me for the concert. And this is the friend who I've had tried to become stronger friends but she's a total let down. For a while I thought it was an attraction thing... but it's definetly not. She's attractive like Nev Campbell--but not in a I won't sacrafice shit for you. She honestly gives up something that you want in on just a little.

She had this diary that she drew and wrote in for a while when I was her neighbor. I'll be honest, I read it. Yes, you can tell me I'm a bastard, I'm no friend. I probably am. I was in a moment--an angry moment--it was probably my fith time being let down from her. She'd say she'd be there but not show up, not call no bullshit, no excuse for it what so ever--especailly since it was so close to the concerts, the events and shit that I put up with. I think that atleast made up for the one time I've ever looked into something no one wanted me to look in.

Yes, so after I looked into it--i understood her from a romantic point of view. I understood only part of her. But whose to say that I didn't know enough shit. She was a drunk who didn't know how to be a person. She'd make up plans and go through with them and want people to follow through. But she wouldn't return the favor--not for that sake of messing up--it wouldn't be considered a problem to her at all. I doubt I can consider her as a friend any more. I wonder if i should tell her I want nothing to do with her get togethers.

I like her as a person, but it's just total bullshit.

So, what else happened today or yesterday?
Welp, yesterday, my bro after a week decided his gaming was more important than sharing--so I wasn't able to make a blog yesterday--I was disconnected from the internet when it felt more reasonable to spend aching time.

I also bough movies--9 movies. Yeah it's alot, and I probably spent about $100 total yesterday. I bought shitty movies and good ones. I'll only list the good movies. The Dreamers, The Final Cut, Eulology, and I Heart Huckabees. So time went into anaylizing and watching good films. The other films weren't so bad--but nothing outstanding compared to those.

I dont' know if I want to call of this friendship, but I don't care if there is one right now. I know I need friends, and to me it's always been that friends are more reliable than family--it's true with me. Maybe I just haven't seen what's there in both Family and Friends.

--See

Yes it's time to fill up this empty blog. Making things an obilgation--that's today's motive. Although it's rather late, I've still got work to do.

I just watched "Finding Neverland"--not too bad of a movie. But, the director does these weird sequences of jumping you from one point of view to another--it's a bit annoying--he totally tries to get you to focus on something big so up close. So it's a decent movie.

Dahghgh, I've got to get out of this basement of mine. Hopefully tommorow night I'll decided either The Devemberists or LCD Soundsustem. I need to get a ride to St. Andrews Hall that's for sure. Decisions and plans need to be made. It's a MUST.

Well, some how within the past few days, I managed to make new friends. They know who they are so no need for names right now. I just only hope to make great journeys with them. Hopefully we can be honest and just alittle free with one another. That's the only way i can be at this second. Maybe I'll change, but now, I need to see things through, simply that.

--See

I used to think i wasn't in a bad spot. I know I'm not. And at times when no ones there, there really is no one there. I have spent these past two days like I have spent them last summer. Sitting alone, in a basement, cold dark without a light obviously, and there isn't anyone to hold or think about.

I used to think that just having great admiration for the most beautiful girl in the world was enough to keep get going through my days. It's not. Music helps, until it ends. Movies can help, but they let you know what your missing. friends are close but can only be friends through so much. And if your lucky, and that's 1 out of atleast a million chances, the one person you want to notice you just for a second barely does anything more than glance or wave just to draw you away for the breifest moment.

I don't know why people make shit so confusing. I know why I do it. It's cause I have to. It's the only way to get what I don't want. This doesn't make sense to anyone other than myself but in my logic--getting something I don't want is the only way to get people what they want so they can be happy. to know that I am the root of one moment in someone's life is enough to keep me optimistic.

People with their bullshit of leaving you out of the loop or not doing something you have made a plan is one of the worst feelings in the world. It says to anyone who know somethings up that you aren't worth the time, the suffering, they aren't friends for helping you fill up tha void. The bullshit I've gotten through is only leading to more. I say I'll take it cause there isn't shit to do around here.

I don't see a reason to move on other than people want me to. I'd be perfectly fine just dying in my death bed. I think I've been seeing things quite straight forward these past couple of years. I'm of age to make an adult decision, and I don't even care. Fuck this place. Fuck the people that have lied to me. Fuck the world that has bestowed it's useless antics to make me a better person.

I know my life isn't as hard as many people on the Emo Blogs. But Damn it, I have a void too. I want to be there for them as they have for me already. I mean, this is honestly progably my 4th post on here, but reading some people's public blogs, I feel like shit for not being there--for not actually going through it.

Probably the only thing I have that even comes close is my loneliness. Everyone's alone, "You will Never really know someone" --Rules of Attraction. And right now, I have a Problem with everything--family, friends, and love. Fuck it.

--See

Well after a weekend in florida, I'm straight. I know what my limits are and where i want to be. I know who I want and what i want to be. It's time to make and take things for myself screw everyone else, fuck the girl that i used to think about and lacking her lips for me to kiss. I can finally not care as I did.

Pretty much 50 hours on the road, leaving pleanty of time thinking about a lot of things of the girl I thought I knew and wanted to be with. Well, I just got tired of thinking about her. I still am attracted to her, I just don't want to take the time wasting each day moaping in the sweat of work in thinking about her.

I also think I know what I want to be, and that's becoming more and more clear, it's hard to put it into words but it's not just a career I'm looking at. It's a lifestyle.

Either way of where I am, I am happy to be were I was before I left and happy to be alone. Atleast for now.

--See

Well, guess what's gonna happen?

It turns out this trip I've been planing for atleast a month and a half is going to happen after all. It was going to be a bitch without having to go, and besides I'll finally be able to drive for once. It's really odd that I'm 18 and no license yet, welp, that's just crazy aint it? hmm, my battery for my mouse is going low, so I'll finish this blog later tonight when I do my laundry. Good Day.

Welp, that's all for now kidos.

--See

Well, it's late for starters, kinda anyway.

Welp, the College for Creative Studies is out of the school year, good thing cause now I've got shit to take care of....like....shit.

Excuse the Shit.

(Hows that for a first Blog entry?)

--See