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So I've moved in with a friend from work, its going quite well. She keeps trying to set me up with men though, which is kinda weird. Got my own xbox finally, some sweet games on it. I'm an addict of GH3 ... My GT is Sensarity if anyone else is an xbox nerd like me, add it. anyway, I cant sleep, been too busy rearranging my room, got it done for the most part, having trouble finding a good tv to invest in. Bought one second hand, but found out you cant get to the input without a remote (which it didnt come with) so I can't even use it for gaming. Oh Well. Lifes good none the less, I think |
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Ever have those days you feel so undesirable and uninteresting and have convinced yourself you are the most boring person on earth? Welcome to my every day life. I think lately I've done well at convincing myself otherwise though. I have a girl thats interested in me, unfortunately we both suck at organizing schedules and being the man. My roommate said I was the coolest girl he has ever met with the best sense of humor (blush) and I got a review at work worthy of a twenty cent raise and praise from the boss. Life was going great, till my roommates started asking stuff from me I don't know I can give. I need to talk to my mom. The best part of my day though was this;  I thought it only appropriate to have a travel mug that best describes me in some way, since I work at a coffee shop. I'm way too excited about it. Kinda pathetic? Maybe not ...atleast before I took a picture of it ...and posted it ... -marlene |
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i'm so tired of myself, my sad, over emotional emo self. i hate being mad at someone, so furious about something so ridiculous, yet they don't see the problem, then when youre finally able to say how fucking pissed you are, you act like a bimbo just to keep the peace as if everything is ok. well everything isn't ok and i need to run away, run back home. i dont know if i want pity, or if i want to leave just so a year or two down the line, theyll have regrets. i dont even know if he'd miss me if i was gone. maybe thats what i want to find out. dont even listen to me, i just want to whine to someone who isnt myself for a change. |
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Lifes been pretty great, met up with my lady friend and we watched some tv together. She asked to take me out to dinner sometime so as much as I hate to admit it, it might be my first actual date. Hopefully it goes well. I'm so addicted to Daria. Lifes been boring, no work tomorrow, don't know what I'll do, but it should hopefully be fun. |
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I wanna start writing like I used to, idea after idea of amazing fictional work of a dream world I could only wish I was in. I wish i didnt lack the inspiration. Where is my happiness. I think I'm happier alone even if I'm more lonely. F*k relationships and commitment, I live for me. |
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i'd sure like to come asore sometime. Got an email from my mom. Brother OD'd again. Looks like the fool isn't gonna make a comeback this time. I wish this wasn't so fucked. She said she wanted me home and shes in the darkest part of her life ever. Why am I such an asshole for staying here? Why can't I leave my "perfect" happy life here to go stay with my famiy. I guess I'm scared. I'll be going for the funeral. What a day to get called in to work. Why couldn't I read this email first before I made the call. |
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things have been strange. theres this girl im really interested in but im too stupid or insecure or something to go after it with as much enthusiasm as i know i have buried somewhere deep inside. shes great. shes also got me addicted to this show. The L Word. its further convinced me how big a lesbian i am and have been for longer than i should admit. my roommate has been trying to get me to go back to being 'straight' for him but i cant keep lying to myself. i hate hurting him every time he asks me, but ever since ive come out to him things have been so awkward. so aside from the l word and working, ive been entertaining myself with many episodes of daria, family guy and robot chicken. Of course much devil may cry 4 and halo 3 on the side. i just bough The Darkness on ps3 and im quite excited to play it. thus concludes another boring entry to my more than bland blog. but this is for me so ill do what i want =) i have more l word to be watched. much love whoever made it this far, you're amazing~ |
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I really don't want to work today. Just wanna stay home, play videogames, chill on the computer. Don't you hate wasting money and getting ripped off? Its such a piss off. My new laptop is awesome, despite a few vista flaws, Ive figured most of it out. I got the last one in the store so unfortunately it was the one they kept in the display and everythings named STORE and shit. I'm kinda annoyed, it said at the store and on the pc "250GB" it has two harddrives that add up to 222GB and like ...20 GBs are takin up by vista saving things i can't delete without permission. I dunno, its weird. Sorry I'm so boring today. Lemme think of something a little more interesting. My work fired someone off the midnight shifts and they asked me to take over them 11-7this week. I only agreed to 1 for thursday and friday, so hopefully it wont be too horrible. Im just worried theyll ask me to keep doing it next week, then the week after. I think I made it clear only this week though. I hated midnights, I don't even get paid extra by the hour like I should. That girl I liked, I don't know whats up with her, we stopped talking and aren't hanging out. It was unfortunate, I liked her. =( |
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| new computer, im so happy =D |
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The girl who played dorothy was addicted to heroin i think. Or some drug. Sometimes I wish I understood myself better. |
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Should I feel pathetic for spending a good hour or two I was tired and wanting to sleep playing solitaire and only winning about 2 hands? Either way, sleep doesn't mean shit. Theres this girl I've met, she's wonderful. I wont name names and it is probably too early to tell anything anyway. Who knows, maybe she'll read my blog some day and this'll freak her out and she'll run. Anxiety makes me anxious. Anyway, I'm getting to know her well and things are going great. Work sucks. We had this "Always Fresh" check which each shift gets and it determines whether people who've worked there 3 months+ get a nice little extra chunk of cash on their next paycheck. As it turns out, my shift is the reason they failed it. Not that I care, I haven't worked there long enough to see any decent money. But I'm sure, with how dramatic my store is, there will be a lot of hate towards my "afternoon team" I dunno, work sucks and I'm glad I'm not in any way attached to it. I just love money. Theres this beautiful cat I want to adopt. He's white and deaf. I fell in love with the little guy and he doesn't have a home =( my roommate says he doesn't want another cat in the apartment because there isn't space. As well, my current bundle of love, Spectre, is too much of a handful for him. For those who don't know. I feed her. I clean her litter. I entertain her. I pay her vet bills when necessary. She doesn't even enter his room. Apparently she gets in the way though, totally invades his life. Whatever to be honest. Meh I'm getting an email from the owner sometime tomorrow saying whether or not he's still in need of a home. Might take him anyway ... Since when do cats take up space? .. |
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Its been a while. I got a new phone. Its got a camera and everything. And an 8GB iPod nano, which I'm more than thrilled about. Had it for a while, but got it after I last posted. Sorry for my neglect. Work has been taking me over lately. DMC4 is great by the way.  .<3.  .<3.  .<3.   .<3. I'll try and be more consistant. I might get a puppy |
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I finally got a new cellphone with a real plan. Though I have a three year contract, contracts always make me nervous but I'm sure it'll be cool. Got a new iPod. 8 GBs, I love it. If you can't tell, I had an excellent day out shopping on Friday. Got my phone, ipod and 3 awesome DVDs. Se7en, Pulp Fiction and A Clockwork Orange. Been waiting for a chance me and my two roommates are all off work, thats rare. But I wanna watch them with ..them~ Nothing much else to say. Works been crappy, and I've been going way too much. Today though, I do get to start my work week with the new girl and I like her a lot. She drives me to and from work which is nice, she lives like two feet down the street. Been playing a lot of FF12 with my time off. Its such a crappy game but i wanna beat it before FF13 comes out in, I think March. and Devil May Cry 4 ...is going to be comparable with sex I think. But ...I'm a dork. Anywho, gotta get ready for work. |
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Is it just me, or did January not even exist? I can't believe how fast this month went for me. Was probably because I never got much accomplished. I had so much trouble sleeping last night. I'm going on 4 hours at the moment and I have work tonight. My roommate left for work an hour ago and I love his bed, I'll probably try to nap in that after this entry. They hired someone new at my work for afternoons. I'm very glad she's going to be working with me. I need more people around me who have a sense of humor, patience, and respect. For some reason, I don't see that much at my work. My roommates also considering switching to my shift, which would be awesome. I wanna write a lot this entry, but I really don't have much to say. I hate being on the computer lately, I've been way depressed and unmotivated to get out and do anything. I've finally got plans to go somewhere tomorrow, since I have the same day off as my best friend, for once. Maybe I'll have something interesting to write then. Goodnight Aoenity. |
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I don't wanna work tonight either. Goin on 6 days straight. I feel bad, my roommates scheduled for 9 days straight, though he'll probably get out of it. Not much going on with me lately. Been playing a lot of Halo 3. I'm such an exciting person, no? eh when you only have mornings to enjoy yourself, you don't have a lot of time to be creative. |
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thus begins the work week from hell. 3-11 pm ..5 days straight. Its money, so i took it ...but afternoons. I dont know. My roommates are going to a movie tonight, I have to work. |
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...and why you lied to me. I'm scared of letting myself fall in love any more. It seems every time I do, a week, a month, a year goes by and suddenly I fall for someone else. I hope nothings wrong with me and one day I will find someone who always keeps me satisfied, I'm just tired of relationships that end. Works been so fucked up I can't stand it. Suddenly I'm not scheduled for an entire week, now they switched my times. Instead of 11-7am, I'm to work 3-11pm. My afternoons. The best time of every day and I'm supposed to work. I've decided I'm going to ask the manager about it when I get a chance, it may be temporary because they just fired someone off that shift. If they want to make it permenant though, I'm finished there. Perhaps I can switch to days if someone so desperately needed to take my night shift from me. But afternoon/evening is definitely not happening fulltime. |
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thats right above from where you are for anyone interested, I think my old "true love" being back in my life was a good thing. It was nothing serious, he just got xbl and we played halo together. I think I did it, I'm over him. I have no feelings and hearing his voice and being attached to him again in some way made me realize it. I was hung up on him since we broke up like 3 months ago and now I can finally move on. I wish I felt this way sooner instead of clinging to something that wasn't there and never would be again. Nothing worse than the "whatif" that comes after an unfinished relationship. Maybe all I needed was this closure, this small realization there really wasn't anything there anymore and I needed to see it myself after the wreck. Maybe we all just need a little closure. I have someone new in my life now, maybe things are looking up. I'm not going to say for sure though, cause everytime I have before, there'd be a lot of bumps on the road and many pitstops I've come across. Forgive me for being lame. I've worked a lot this week and sleep has become one of those things I've decided to ditch in order to get things done. I feel good though. I finally feel good. |
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I don't know what to do with myself the one guy who broke my heart is back in my life ..wtf~ |
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Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Kwanza, and have a Happy New Years! Sorry if I missed any. I wish you all happy and safe holidays this season. =) |
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Foot seems to be healing well I think. My roommate and I went for donuts yesterday which is about a 20 min walk ...in shoes. Probably wasn't a good idea, probably only damaged it more. But I can feel it healing. Sunday night when i go back to work, i have to do it with that guy...the manager is gonna talk to him about how he asked me out and whatnot, so I'm sure it'll be awkward ...we'll see I guess. I just want the whole thing to go away. On a lighter note, my paycheck yesterday was 150$s more than I expected, put a smile on my face =) Haven't slept in 24 hours now, I'm making quite a routine out of the whole barely sleeping thing. Very excited, my roommates are going to their family's houses for the holidays so i get the apartment to myself the whole time. Yes, i know many will and have said their concern for how i'll be having a lonely christmas. But let it be known, each roommate had invited me for the family gathering, but i can't leave town either way, for i work sunday. Either way, feel not sorry for me! I love being alone. Is that weird? I will have my cat though, and the chinese food joint across the street =) it'll be a lovely christmas. A woman at work got me a christmas card. Now I will always say I don't like christmas, don't get me anything, bla bla. But being at work, a fairly new employee who works nights with little chat between coworkers, I have not made many friends, this is fine. At this time of year, everyones joking around and trading gifts while i just sit there and watch. The card brightened my day even if she got one for everyone too. The difference you made, you'll never know my friend. |
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My foot is dead. I cant move it without tear jerking pain, let alone walk on it. And I just toughed 8 hours of work, standing in the uniform shoes that hate me to have my roommate say im faking it. Please Mr. Roommate. Look at these blisters, look at the pus ...tell me now I'm lying. I just didn't want to waste the bandaids i had so perfectly on to show him. On another note. I quit my job about a week and a half ago, or something, and I'm scheduled the rest of this week. I figured fine, i'll do it, get another paycheck, whatever. They posted next weeks schedule ...guess who's working before and after christmas? Yep ... Me. W.t.f. Oh well, I've been talking to my mom about moving and it looks as though it'll be postponed for an unknown amount of time, I may as well be making money while i wait and see. My roommate deleted all my songs off his computer, is it fucked up that made me cry? Its kinda weird, I had it all saved because i wanted to burn it, I even brought blank cds, many of them, when i moved in, but my roommate used the last 3. 700 songs just gone ...man, musics like my life. That's just fucked. If theres any good way to end a bad day, well, this sure as hell is not it. Man, I can't even walk right. Just shoot me now |
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I have to work tonight. I haven't slept in 48 hours. Hopefully coffee will do the trick ...lots and lots of coffee. Not much to report to be honest. I've finally discussed with my mom plans for the big move. So perhaps a date is soon coming that I know when to be prepared for. Heh, me be prepared. It doesn't matter, I won't start getting ready until the last minute is humanly possible to get it done anyway. My roommate woke me at 7am this morning making waffles and I swear, he tries to be as loud as possible (i sleep in the living room, by the way). This sucked, especially when you take into account the fact I no longer have an eternal clock, so falling asleep isn't as common to me as it once was. I fell asleep at 5:30am. Yay! An hour and a half of sleep. So ...it's 1:30pm now and my other roommate is in a cleaning mood. Vaccuuming, moving everything, in and out of each room of the apartment. What is sleep? Don't know if i'll make it. Maybe i should just call in sick. I need to quit this week anyway for my moving plans ... Sleep ... |
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Is it just me, or are a lot of entries advertisements of somesort? Keep clickin ones on front page to read. Weight Loss. Learning how to play poker. Vacation packages. Not that i mind too much, just wanna see real entries. =( Anyway .... I'm quitting my job tomorrow, thats final. I'm getting out of this situation, this weekend is my last. I get no sleep and nights are killing me. My coworker makes me awkward. Customers are complete assholes over simple mistakes. I need a better job. I need my hometown. I need my mom. I should call her tonight. Get it organized, start packing, maybe get a date. I should go back to school. I hope I find better work in Barrie, I hope all my old best friends are still there and not sour about how I left them all 2 and a half years ago. |
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Been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. Last night, I got incredibly tired at 1am, which is weird for me. So I went to sleep, woke again at 4 for two hours, then fell back asleep for another hour. Woke up and couldn't fall back asleep even though my eyes were heavy and my head was cloudy. I don't know. Maybe sleep isn't that important. I'm scared, I never called the guy at work when i said i would. I hope he won't be mad. Would it sound like bullshit if i said i lost his number? I hope not. It's the only excuse I can think of. My horoscope kind of got me today. Someone may be shaking up your world today, Marlene, and this might be a difficult pill to swallow. Realize that this is exactly what you need right now to get your lazy bones into gear. Don't look to others to try to change the situation. Change what you can change - yourself. If you feel like a victim, adjust your way of thinking. Only you can control your reactions and feelings in regards to a particular situation. Maybe this will be the push i need to start packing and get well on my way to moving home. Yes home. I havent had one of those in what feels like forever. Maybe things will make sense when i get there. Or maybe they'll make less. I need to worry less about outcomes and just dive in. Like I did before I was an adult. I told you 'bout strawberry fields, you know the place where nothing is real. Well heres another place you can go, where everything flows. |
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So a guy at work asked me out. He has 2 kids and looks as if he's just over the age of 30. For those of you who don't know. I'm childless and just a few months over 20. I work nights with him alone usually ... If i say no, he won't be too kind to me. If i say yes ...things could get awkward. I think I'd rather be ignored. Oh, is anyone else having a problem in CP? The dropdown menus arent accessable for me. I can't add Friends, edit profile or templates unless from first window. Is something wrong with me? ='( |
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Another sleepless night, another wasted day on sleeping. If any of you are ever offered a nightshift, whether you get more money for it or not, do not take it. Got to go to work in an hour and I'm dreading it. I tried to get a hold of my mom this evening, but no answer, so I'm going to try and call again then write an email if still no answer. I need to get out of here, I think. Alas, I must get some things finished with my day before it starts feeling like my life is all work, no play. 'i'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find. without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine?' |
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I had to use a default template cause apparently my custom one i thought was amazing looked like butchered, yet colorful poo on other pcs. Maybe I'll get my HTML skill back at some point. So much catching up to do but I'll try not to bore you all! Been through my hardest breakup ever 2 months ago. Left me more broken than anything I've ever experienced, but life goes on and fighting is something I've learned to do and will always do. I've met someone great now so we'll see how that goes =) I'm bunking with a couple friends these last few months workin a midnight shift that I would believe to be killing me. I never get sleep and my roommates always need money from me. An opportunity to move in with my mother has come up though which i think would maybe be just what the doctor ordered~ She said she'll put 1000$s into buying me a laptop if I come home. Don't know if she's trying to fix her past mistakes with material items ...but i need a laptop and I can't even describe how much I long for that feeling of home again. Things have been crazy within the family and some things have happened that I believe have led my mom to try her hardest to fix the distance between us. My brother had overdosed on heroin over the summer, the doctors say he cheated death. He's lost 80% of his hearing and I'm not sure if it'll save our family or break it further. But as they say, nothing brings people together like a great tragedy (or something?) No need to be sad though! I have independence, I have my health (i think) and i have the love of my life in my lap. My amazing cat Spectre. This time I mean it, i'll try and update as much as possible! I've missed you guys and this site is still as amazing as ever. I <3 you Aeonity. (Emoblog for you oldschoolers like me) -Marlene |
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closed at work last night it went well i learned front line well kinda well bart was trying to teach me. then talked with alison and bart about life then went to barts house and cuddled and watched connan ah the simple things in life.. (hahaha and no eddy i dont mean my underwear) my life is going well kisses ariel |
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The nerves are kicking in. I'm getting nervous about everything. Moving home, can I do it. If I'm getting nervous about this ..what about London. At least I have something waiting there. Best friend might get me a job at Petsmart. That'd be nice. I wish these feelings would ease up. oh! Where has all my friends gone. 
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I wanna move to England. I wanna make my dreams come true. I hope I can make it. Will know in a couple months. Wish me luck. I'm moving back with my mom. That's my first step.  I never wanted something so bad, I hope I'm strong enough! |
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tonight was nice i think i got him to actaully get something accomplished and got 20questioned by the twin im tired, et again ariel |
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im always tired lately and my moms been up everytime ive been hoome which is annoying because im tired and she fires off the 20 question game. i went to a funny movie tonight and had shaved ice -ariel |
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...but to wake and find u there" i tend to write in gaps of time never very many in this blog. for once i can say my life is going pretty good. im in love, i think. im getting along with my parents and sister. works ok. my boyfriend just bought a house i think thats a bit exciting i cant wait to actaully spend time in a house instead of a basement apartment. plus the house is like a block away from mine. |
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i went and sat judgement at my grandparents and in front of my aunts i used to love my aunt jane i used to wish to be just like her BUT i dont see anything in her that i want in myself. the one thing that bugs me is how they view my weight and how they told me i better stop eating fast food or ill get fat...or things i shouldnt eat.. i hate that im fine in fact been loseing weight thanks very much. that and the critzing of my job im fucking 19 for heavens sakes my job is fine for now. plus at least im not unemployed like her thats always a good thing. that and critizing all my friends i got from wendys its not fair what the hell does she even know she knows none of them. im sick of being measured up and comeing up short and even my school picks arnt good enough the only good thing that this does is my parents love everything i do for awhile and stick up for me majorly. im going to a movie and dinner with my mommy and sister TA -ariel "And you can trust me not to think And not to sleep around If you dont expect too much from me You might not be let down Cause all I really want is to be with you Feeling like I matter too If I hadnt blown the whole thing years ago I might be here with you" |
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i feel dizzy and my chest hurts i need to stop this pattern i started these things need tostop happening tonight was weird and for some reason bothered me a little im so tired last night on the other hand was comfortable cept for arguments im not in i think you are going to become my new anchor i dont know how im gonna get through this summer i couldnt sleep last night so i need to now -ariel |
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i closed at work last night blah and i do it again tonight and im sick of people haveing redicouluse timeing i want to, but your timeing is lacking i want dishies cuz im in a deep music mood iwrote poetry again but im not ready to put it up yet so im putting a song that describes my mmood Snow Patrol - How To Be Dead Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth No you don't know what happened And you never will if You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall Where you've had me for hours Till I'm sure what I want But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop no way Please keep your hands down And stop raising your voice It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice It's a simple suggestion can you give me sometime So just say yes or no Why can't you shoulder the blame Coz both my shoulders are heavy From the weight of us both You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth You've not heard a single word I have said... Oh, my God Please take it easy it can't all be my fault I haven't made half the mistakes That you've listed so far Oh baby let me explain something It's all down to drugs At least I remember taking the and not a lot else It seems I've stepped over lines You've drawn again and again But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride |
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So ...I've been skipping too much school. It just can't be helped. So today I must serve a detention. I'm debating whether or not to skip it. Only 3 days left of school, they can't do much to me 'cept more detentions ... Damn school making life more complicated than it really needs to be. |
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my hair is neon red and im glad im feeling rebeliouse and still a little hurt im trying for u really i am and it all falls apart always i miss the beach and my skin is pealing i think life should not be so hard for everyone cuz it seems like it always is mines all setteled by simples acts and i wish ud tell me nice things again, cuz sometimes u make my world happier and others u make me wanna scream -arrie "stop burning bridges ... DRIVE OFF THEM .. so i can forget about you" |
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So ...I'm very disappointed in myself. I'm gonna miss the Bright Eyes concert due to lack of smarts. The show is today ...and I thought it was next month. I thought it was may! I knew I should have invested $2 into that cute puppy calendar. /whine. |
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So ..I'm thinkin of changing up my template. But it's been so long I've forgotten all my html codes that I ever knew. Not that that was much. I suppose I have all the time I need to figure it out again. We'll see. So, I wanna make my entries more exciting, since I've kind of been obsessing over my game and thats kinda ...boring. Heh. So, Friday I went to see Cirque De Soleil which was pretty neat. Quite exciting stuff. I wish I could do even half the things all those extremely talented people could do. So I am counting down the days until June 12th. For Bright Eyes will be preforming 45 minutes away and you can count me in! Will be my first real concert and I can't wait. Though ...I should probably get the tickets now before they sell out ...just need to find someone to go with. I'm sure I can ...hopefully. |
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Is the dollar signs and the big bright lights. Desaparecidos, you have such a hold on me. I can't tell if it's the lyrics, the voice or the beat. Perhaps its just the perfect mix of the three. I shouldn't question what I love anymore. So, I need to get a hair cut pretty badly. It's starting to look a tad ...flat. Plus I should dye it, but I really don't want to. Who cares if my roots show? I'm so very excited. Though I have been every night this week and got my hopes crushed. My online adaptor, I've been told, was going to be in my hands every night this week and yet it's always failed. So I'm really, really, really hoping tonights the night. I can't have my hopes crushed again! Please, please, please! |
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so everyone starts putting out there summer goals well summer started for me awhile back BUT i suppose i can list mine 1. come clean about something important to the rents 2. od on cute clothes 3.find some part of me thats left that cares and get it nailed down for next semester 4. PARTY 5.fuck up my life beyound all recogination and put it back piece by piece by next semester. 6. become actaully fit and sexy. 7. become a beach bum 8. walk the board walk constantly 9. not to go insane at work 10. dont overdose on anything actaully doing pretty good with these goals ive mostly lead a wonderful dull life exploreing the beach and boardwalk, and working makeing loads of money i am not though becomeing gorgouse and fit FUCK oh well apparenly i dont need to hmmm whens the boot camp starting LOL kisses to all i heart you -ariel |
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Turns out I am still heavily addicted to my MMO. I have bought a new ps2 that can run the game and all I need is a wireless online adaptor which I hope to gain soon. Then, I will be able to play day and night ...but I won't of course. I'm reading A Clockwork Orange once again for my english ISP. It's funny, I love the book but need to read it so much before I can memorise all the slang. I will though, and then I shall use it in my common language and confuse people for fun. And I will get to rent the movie for an essay I must write! Contrast and compare the book in the movie. Easy marks, because I ever so much enjoy the story! |
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i cant belive your ditching me again but then again its ok i mean again its for a stupid valid reason, im just sick of it. and u called and told me how much u think about me but does that really matter? and ill call u but idont know why u want me to. im confused mike asked me over ... im not going i wont make a mistake, as much as i want to. ive already played that game. grrr |
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idont understanf why girls wanna fuck with me itsucks and i feel uncomfortable with this situatino pause to think ithink i need sleep i also know everythings fine and me manda angelia and kaylen had a lovely dinner and then me sarah manda brita went to chill at my boyfriends house night ariel |
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work was ok and ... I MISS YOU TIMES A HUNDRED manda and anna over and we chilled at my house -ariel |
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ugh it feels like i only write in here when im sad i will try harder to write when happy. i hate fighting with my mom about things i was gonna do after lunch anyways i hate crying. i hate feeling bad cuz half of the bad things she said about me might be a little true. i hate sounding like im gonna cry on the phone when its not anything about the person im on the phone with. i hate me. stargate was ok last night, a bit boreing in need of boys. danceing on stage was ok only parts got awkward. im gonna go clean some more and try not to cry ariel |
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So ...today has been pretty uneventful. Woke up ...went on the computer for a few hours. When over to friend's house. Came home. Played FFXI. And now here I am. I'm kind of bored ...hopefully the night will pick up soon. |
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So, looks like I may be posting a fair bit in the next few days. It's been very upsetting, I got this MMORPG, and I love it, been playing for about a month now ...but ...it might be taken off the computer. I may be forced to quit. I hate this ....I love the game so, so much. Now I need to save up money to buy a new ps2 and ps2 version. Better start saving. *sigh* |
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im kinda depressed its like sometimes i dont feel like u give one little shit for me and to find out u wanted to go drinking with someone who proablly didnt wanna that much and thats why u treated me like jack shit? cuz really thats not fair. i cant help it i cant go to bars... sometimes i feel like its all for nothing and it is i think if u dont call me by monday... i think i cant go on cuz i will be noones secound best EVER and its hurts to think that we could be over before we begin but i cant go on and its not even that cuz u cant even tell me the truth if u would have told me i would have been way less of a bitch. i dont understand how you can do this to me again and again and figure ill be ok with it , im not. i dont get why its so one min u love me the next u cant stand to be near me i wish we could have something in the middle and i know that im overeacting yet again and it would be ok if u hadnt been so mean when i was with u then i wouldnt even have this feeling like you should call me. i feel like the only reason u like me is cuz i have a nice body SHIT -ariel |
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Horoscopes ...they're so ...unbelievable. Libra September 22 - October 22 The desire to get together with a love partner may be frustrated today by circumstances beyond your control, dear Libra. Work or family obligations may get in the way. If it's your partner who has to beg off, don't get upset and start dealing out blame; this won't help the situation, and might put your friend on the defensive. Just make arrangements to meet another day. Think of it as an opportunity to use absence to make the heart grow fonder! This fits me in so many ways ...I can't even begin to describe. |
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i wish it would stop being gross out last night i went bowling with trisha and friends and that was nice then i went to barts house where i compleatly lost track of time i have just discovered buffy extras LOL hhmm im tired adios |
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Zander and I broke up. Can you believe it? I can't. I'm not really sad, it's weird. I dunno. |
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we need to talk and im to scared to call u, but god i need it after that weekend with u and me it felt wonderful and i have more feelins then i would like to admit for u what are we? what am i to u just another body? ill see u at work where we will pretend we dont know each other very well when we both know thats a lie |
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i wish i knew that we were together god im falling and if i cant have all of u id rather have none cuz friday night except for the being sick part was heaven oh god i cant do this -ariel p.s. i know i dont have a reason to worry i know u told me u wanted to see me again soon. |
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You're so cool. Keep being you. I don't have much to write. My Saturday has been boring. Trying for a job ...STILL. Tim Hortons. |
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This, my friends, means I will be on the computer more often. Which of course, will probably lead to my blogging more again. It shall hopefully be here by the middle of next week, or something. So, for those of you who remember me, and perhaps adore me, you will be waiting. Thank you, my friends. I've missed you. |
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| I need to blog more. |
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so still really sad BUT... dealing i keep haveing this pesky memorys about things when it was ok or well before i knew it wasnt ok and it sucks but went bowling with jenny today and caribou MAJOR FUN. got hit on .. weird .. liked it wanted to BUT i know i shouldnt cuz still breakable and i keep haveing flashback memorys but i think life will be ok |
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Mood: foxy Current Tune: Panic! At The Disco-lyeing is the most fun a girl can have without takeing her clothes off |
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so of course the fortune cookie was right the guy i was kinda with cheated on me and im pretty sure it was the day after we did things which is gross and he took alot of my first and i heard from someone else oh yeah and he still hasnt fucking fessed up to my face at that im haveing a fucking beautful fucking day -arrie |
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...youve got teeth of biteing and youve bore a hole in me" wow i have not updated in a very long time i know why... for awhile now ive been slowly loseing myself and now i have a whole bunch of shit to deal with school well lets just say im gonna have to scramble to fix everything but im still not sure im up to that todays been a day of listning to any girl that motivates me for well anything ... ive cried alot. although i knew this was gonna happen i didnt know it would be so fast or so painfull ive lost alot and i still dont know what i want out of life and to well make this all ironic last night this is what my fortune cookie said ... "You are an angel. Beware of those who collect feathers" well not to sound depressing but guess what this is the SECOUND time ive had that one.. fuck i should get up im gross and yet motivation not there but hey oh well time to get up have a list to do today. and im gonna get through it all. -ariel "gentlest star and sweetest sound something you run back and forth when house burns down alone alone dosnt feel so cold alone dosnt feel so cold cuz your arms your arms dosnt feel that warm so come back and take me home" |
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Current Tune: Trespassers Williams- Alone |
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i fucking hate school alot and i have a speech today and i guess im ready BUT i dont want to. i just wanna sit and cry. ariel |
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even though people are trying they cant get me down tonight. i had a nice normal time and i got outta the house first me and anna did some pointless shopping but i bought sunglasses whiich i needed. then we ate at grandmas the we wandered the mall and looked at ok clothes picked up bart played monopoly at his house driveway=killer |
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If you don't suit up, you'll never get a chance to play. If you don't play, you'll never see how good you are. If you don't see how good you are, you'll never let yourself compete. The moral? Get out of bed, already. my horoscope for this new day ALRIGHT I GET IT but.... i dont wanna get up i like it here in bed bowling today almost passed out but did ok bowling wise thanks for calling so much... its nice to know well u care well ok oru wanted to talk about that stuff but STILL got asked out cant go ha shouldnt go either so glad i work. probly, less mess that way -ariel |
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At school right now because class was cancelled, I have the ability to come online. Yay. I hope Zander's dad gets a job soon because I crave the computer again. But, the computer seems to be the only means of entertainment for the him. Ah well. I got Resident Evil 4 which I am utterly excited about. Its a load of fun. Zander and I also got a game he wanted; Grandia 3. It's cool too. Vegetarianism rocks. Moving to the vegan lifestyle should be better. I applied for another job at a pet food shop. Everyone, wish me luck! |
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sick again i hate it maybe it is stress called me 3 times wow. i dont know what to do mostly cuz u dont believe im sick.. i really havent given u a reason to belive me because im not the best person and i keep ignoring whats wrong but i have a headache so.. night ariel |
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life is ok my throat has takein a major leap for bad and im tired hahahaha work is odd.... "ha ha im touching your buns"- bart as he holds my sandwitch buns ha ha real mature not like u havent touched the real thing... i mean... anyways i need sleep and something to knock me out i miss talking to u glad we had a talk in disguise of doing onions even if it kept being interupted. -ariel |
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torn in pain hurts like a stab ignoring you only i want to call u new thoughts old thoughts hopeing youd care knowing you dont fuck i hate u yet again i have to make it better i cant hurt u i hurt me new boy hurt me to? shitty poem i just jotted down im haveing a breakdown fuck -ariel |
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i think somethings ending.. and it hurts i found something out that really hurt me alot and i went on a shopping spree with anna who was the one who told me bought cruel intentions the 6th season of buffy (now have compleated seasons) and jeans from abrecrombie was called into work went to bowling bowling=wonderful maybe someone new? very possibly. now i need to figure out what to do with the old.. and all the pain im still in -ariel |
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my weekend was good it could have been very emotinal well more so then it was and it wasnt. although i still think im ignoring the problem ot much but i guess thats just what im good at. friday- went to a movie with trisha bart called wanted us to come to party i was drving and tirsha told him yes well the party was lame he ignored me and he was already smashed. me greta trisha left and smoked a clove ok probly not the best thing for me to do but guess what after that i felt so much more relaxed then i had before bart called me a few more times cuz guess what he was smashed. saturday- ignored his calls again went to the play with dustin it was major fun and the set fell apart which was hilriouse. went home and called bart back he was sober and conversation went well. leaving me more confused then before. sunday- work oh yeah i worked saturday to dont forget that ew work went well i worked with him we were well normal and work is always interesting even though luke called me moody which i was so not.. fell asleep on my phone listning to people today- already riseing on the verge of negative missed first class again and locked keys in house makeing me have to call anna to give me a ride to class. we will see what the rest of this day brings signing off ariel |
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Mood: unsure Current Tune: Panic! at the disco-Lyeing is the most fun a girl can have without takeing her clothes off |
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i need something to take my frustrations out on ... im worried things are really bad. and really theres nothing i can do about it. now i understand why she said that.. i dont want you to get hurt... im not ill be ok but i see where ud get that. and i still cant stop. but im not sure how much more i can take, before i snap and become insaneo brutal bitch. or something. schools ok, i think i should focus on it more. alot more. "i will not let you drink yourself alone" i feel really small |
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im ignoring your calls, why? cuz i was mad u didnt call before.. what does this mean? im crazy, yes. i agree. got a whole bunch of new music from anna YEAH! i love panic at the disco. i have class soon fuck. i dont wanna go. and i have to call u back, and maybe apoligize or lie about not anwsering. bye ariel |
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tristan and isolde was good ... made me sad it was so romantic and i dont really think ill ever have an undieing love im not sure i can feel that. at least not right now. so phonecalls silly things i dont like. annas coming over today not what i thought would happen but its stil mighty fun to.. boo -arrie like my new garden state cd but again the songs are to sweet and there makeing me sad. |
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so i guess some people are really mad at me cuz of the choices im makeing.. there not all that bad. im finding me and i guess i have to just do what I want and not what OTHER people want. as long as i dont hurt myself in the process right? but im not. grades = good and believe it or not i do have a level head im not gonna be dumb. my hairs temporarly red i think i like it. -ariel |
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i feel like everythings all gonna come down and i know it is shit arrie |
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another night of a person being mad at me cuz y idont know hung outwith kalen at the mall. awkwardness at barts house bowling ididnt do totally wonderfull megan stormed off in the bowling ally kalen got wasted and i watched from the futon well trying to eat pizza pretty amusing. only i was a little tired cuz i had had one drink. all in all a better night then i thought it would be -ariel |
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... taste like coconut ew. and yet i still eat it weird. he called sounded llike he was in a better mood..hes sick... im sick. i have a fever which i never get and i feel dizzy when i get up EW!. tommrow i hope i feel better then but u never know. i think i nailed my speech! yeah i love that well see what the grade is -ariel |
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im sick and my throat is killing me times a trillion he called this afternoon apparently he can feel himself getting sick to.. boo everyones sick school public speaking was a blast but i was just glad i didnt need to speak since my throat kills, plus i wasnt really ready for a speech cuz im a slacker dont get me wrong i love school. i just feel like curling up and sleeping lately. i watched ice princess YEAH i love that movie school tommrow boo...at least i have bowling. which is fun cuz i have a cheering section lol i love my lane. -ariel |
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my parents are horrible they think going out is a bad thing they think i dont care about school they think im bad im not and he hasnt called since that night lame |
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| I may not write much anymore, Zanders dad got a job in Ottawa, which is great. But that means he'll be home every night so this room will be occupied a lot. |
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um never mind my last entry um although i do feel a bit well ugh its hard to explain oh well ditched megan again opps -ariel |
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im fucking pissed off .... my FUCKING GOD and im trying not to cry you were right guys and i love u all alot... im sorry i had doubts ... now how does the pain stop? im not gonna cry. not over him god whats wrong with me? -ariel |
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watched a good movie last night. and caught 2 popcorn pieces in a row in my mouth cuz im awsome! my friends went a little overboard ("where does he live im gonna beat him up") being a little much. but im feeling positive. wondering what i would do if i had to choose between friends. it would be so hard now since they remined me how awsome they are and how awsome i can feel with them. but its ok for me to explore? i dont know weird dream last night... i dont think i ever wanna have it again even though i loved it. -ariel |
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played disney scene it at sarahs dorm room today muchos fun |
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i rear ended someone today im upset i dont get any freedom but i prove my parents right im dumb and some comments hurt me today bowling boys tried to cheer me up i heart them -ariel |
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“People have assumed that intelligence is linked to the ability to suffer and that because animals have smaller brains, they suffer less than humans. That is a pathetic piece of logic,” says John Webster, a professor of animal husbandry. For years, I have been told eating meat is standard and the normal thing to do, I hadn’t even questioned it. My young mind never had the chance to question. Unfortunately, that happens to so many, most people are told milk is the “perfect food” and meat provides great protein you wouldn’t be able to get anywhere else. To tell the truth, I’ve never felt better since giving all of that up. Life is very perfect for the milk cow; it gets to graze around lazily through giant grass fields with their young. She’s brought to be milked every afternoon by the hands of the caring farmer and grows to its natural lifespan of about 25 years, do you believe this? The average milk cow lives to be 4 to 5 years old before no longer able to produce milk and this time is spent in cramped barns hooked up to machines that drain unnatural large amounts of milk a day. Their young are taken away within 48 hours of birth and sent off in cramped veal cages to be butchered for meat. In its short time of life, the milk cow is stuffed full of Bovine Growth Hormone which allows the cow to produce more milk and develop faster; it gets passed on to you. Is milk good for you? Humans are the only creatures in existence that drink milk after being weaned, as well as drink milk from another species. Cows are large creatures, their calves mature in their first year of life, so naturally, their milk is filled with protein and fat. Human babies double in size in about 180 days; a calf accomplishes this in about 45. Still, you are no doubt wondering, what about the “miracle ingredient” of milk"its Calcium? There are several little-known facts about this chemical that you won’t ever find in the “drink milk” ads or on a package of cheese. The amount of calcium you actually need is very low, the reasons for bone loss diseases like Osteoporosis are because eating large amounts of animal protein, like you find in a steak or a glass of milk, increase the acidity level in your body which it must then counter by taking calcium out of your bones. Further, the calcium in milk will almost all be washed right through your system because what matters more than the amount of Calcium you ingest is how much Magnesium (the crucial chemical for your body’s process of absorbing and retaining calcium) you get. Without the capacity to use it, all of that calcium is actually doing you nothing, and besides, the need for it is created by the products you eat to cure it in the first place. A calf taken from its mother, sometimes they spend a day together, some aren’t so fortunate. Shipped as soon as possible, the male calf (or sometimes female) is stuffed into a veal crate where it has no ability to turn around. Unable to spare the mothers milk, the calf has very little chance of survival; so naturally, we use them for what little meat we can get off their bones. They will either be shipped to an auction house for those to bid, or directly to a butcher. The average female calf is kept to follow in their mothers footsteps, of course if she is born with no birth defects from all of the artificial inseminations, and are lucky enough to live up to 3-4 years longer than their brothers. Most dairy cows, after producing all the milk they are able to produce are sent to be hung by their hind legs and their throats to be cut. I’ll spare the details. There are so many third world countries on this plant filled with starving families, they strive for food and water. The average cow will drink 35-66 litres (8-15 gallons) of water a day. On average, it takes 5 pounds of grain to produce 1 pound of edible beef. This is highly inefficient use of resources. This is a very ignorant and destructive practice that is both morally incorrect when you consider that situations of starving people in other countries and an unsustainable market that is growing far too large and will soon collapse. Additionally, a cow’s digestive system is far less efficient than a human’s, so the amount of greenhouse gases like methane that are produced from their ineffectively cleaned waste is incredibly devastating on the atmosphere. Not to mention the amount of cow feces polluting nearby water systems surrounding farms. “If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian,” says The Beatle, Paul McCartney. I could never touch another piece of meat or drink another glass of milk with all of the facts in mind. There are always gory details to death, and all meat is dead. I feel just as bad for the cow as I would for the pig or chicken, even fish (or the family of foxes that provided one lovely coat). People don’t think or face consequences for the things that they do, they believe what they are told when people say “this is good for you” and why. They all forget, that person selling you that milk wants money just as much as that lawyer settling a case. The world needs more open minded people who are willing to take in this information or any information and be able to say, “What I’ve been doing for the past 10, 20, or 50 years have been wrong.” |
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I'm feeling completely achy today. My head is pounding. We had to go and buy hamburger buns after school since Zander's mom was too sick or something. I think it was the passing cars, or the weather, but it made my head pound. I can't find a place that sells vegetarian cat food or treats. How sick. So, I buy her dairy treats, they have chicken in them. But, it's by-product chicken ...but, does it need chicken? So now, I shall morely feed her some of our fake meat. She doesn't know the difference. I had my Chemistry exam today, the first half. My teacher pretty much let us cheat ...with permission (I guess its not cheating them). He told me one of the answers straight out. Nice. I wish I was better at writing interesting entries. I guess I can't though. I never feel comfortable on this computer ...people always walk in and out. I can't find myself here, or something like that. Make it up as you go ...I'm not myself in this room. Did that sound desperate? Yeah, probably. |
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was stupid and broke down alot today parents are contolling i didnt do the psyh reading again oh well |
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My cat had clawed off my hand almost. My days have been so boring. Zander and I are gonna move around my room and clean it and stuff. I live for that type of thing. I'm thinking of making up print offs for the awareness of animal cruelty and handing them out and/or posting them in public places. I dunno though. Am I that brave.  My hair is short and purple now. Soon it will be shorter and black. Kinda like an old fashioned conor oberst female. I'll love it. Apologies for the shoddy quality of the picture. |
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I'm tired, and nothing seems to be happening. At least the semester is almost over. Though that means the annoying mess of next semester's classes. Ugh. |
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ok to start off there was 2 people i talked to tonight that made me feel a ton better thanks im worried about alot of things. one friend tells me shes sucidal. one drinks a ton and by himself then calls everone on his phone list. im scared about some other things to but not as much. god i pictured falling in your arms, and we all know i cant and u wouldnt want me to anyways. as ive said before your my default setting. -ariel "fuck what i did its your fault somehow" (a prediction of whats to come? ) probly "i wont get stuck...." i will call u....... but hopefully not cuz i need to. |
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snowing i hate snow. i wanna go skateing. i want to see you but tonights again not gonna work for me im so sorry. maybe ddr night? i dont know im not gonna concentrate on school yet .... yeah! bowling tommrow -ariel |
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im tired i llike school so far yeah i llike bowling boys ariel |
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| Maybe tomorrow will be cancelled. I wish. |
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I wish I could just get back to sleep, but it seems impossible now. Probably because I went to sleep super early, like 9 or something. Zander and I were caught sleeping together. Its funny, everytime the topic comes up, Zander's mom comes up with a new reason why it bothers her. Before it was "it will bother your brother." Today, she claimed it was cause she doesn't think we'll get good sleep in a tiny bed together. Ah well, no school! I don't know why, but this makes me so very happy. I'm sick. My throat is ill. |
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i need to stop trying to think to much i had pizza today and first day of classes jury duty tommrow oh sucks i calmed down i called i dont think it helped. i miss things, that i never even had i want some caffine havvent had diet cherry pop in a long while fuck. withdrawl -arrie |
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Well, Zander and I were home early from school because we could hardly stand the idea of going to our classes. We were watching this canadian show, "The Michael Coren Show" which is just people brought together to discuss issues. Well, the topic of Pamela Anderson's big "boycott KFC" came up. This one man said he can't stand the woman (despite how much he enjoys looking at her). All they could say was she was an airhead. The one guy went further to say that this boycott has encouraged him to eat at KFC more and that Throughout January, he would eat KFC once a day the whole month (he even pulled out a chicken leg and ate it right on the show!). He also mentioned we are top of the food chain, so we should be able to eat and wear whatever we want. That made me SO angry! And then, I believe one of the men said that a lot more important issues need to be handled like poverty. Yes, poverty is very wrong ...but is it really more important? Besides, who says we can't tackle two issues at once? Closed minded people suck. |
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im a big ball of energy negative energy in fact i had a good day i went shopping i go to school tommrow im frustrated and hurt always you're living in you little box you think ya get it figured out you think you know what it's about well guess what you don't get it you treat me like a little girl never let me in your world tell me what is on your mind well that's right you've gonna have to stop this acting like you're not sure ya gotta let me know shit cause i've seen it all before and it's getting late so step up to the plate so i'm sick and tired of waiting for you to make your mind up wind me up and watch me go step up to the plate cause i'm trying to tell you straight that i'm tired of waitin for you to give a little more of yourself ilike that song but its not all the way true i need to start giving to but i cant fuck |
