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n1ghtshade I'm in a good mood considering I haven't slept in 21 hours. - Subscribe
I should of been sleeping hours ago, because I was going to go help out pat today fixing the lawn mowers, or putting in her bathroom floor that she's said for months we was going to do. I've been up 21 hours. Oh well. After I get some coffee in me here in a little bit I'll be fine. It's all cloudy outside and its pretty nice, so I hope it stays that way, and I hope she decided she wants to work outside doing something or another. Because its to nice of a day, to be inside working on the bathroom floor.

Dan's army buddy, and bestfriend, Michael is going home in a couple hours. He came up from Louisiana because of the Hurricane, otherwise he would have had to drive all the ways to California, because his families there. But since it turned into a Tropical strom, and (which is good), he's going to go back today. It's been pretty nice to have him here, I mean you see what the army did to one person (Dan) and turned him into an emotionaless robot pretty much, and I know it seemed to change Michael some but he didn't turn into what Dan did. Which is why I'm scared of if a friend of mine decides she wants to join the army. But she's going to have to do what she needs to do.

I've been spending a lot of time hanging out with Ani and still trying to figure out how to get her down here. That still isn't working out very well. I'll get it figured out eventually. I'm going to get Mom working on setting up the math course, or at least looking into it. Things are not going the way they was planned but then they never do. So oh well.

The head therapist came an saw mom today while she was at therapy, and she wants to bring the whole family in and get us all to learn somethings for Mom cause he wants her doing therapy every hour on the hour. So I'm going with them Friday morning at 10 am. And I guess she told him that I quit my job and came home to help out. So she's like that is all you have to say is you was working in a grill cooking. And I'm like yeah okay, I don't plan on saying much anyways, just learning what I have to. And I'm not getting my license to be Mom's taxi driver. I'm getting my license so I can go back to Brazoria or where ever I do decide to go. Cause I'm not sure I want to stay in Texas. I don't know. I may just go on a road trip next summer and figure that out, if I really do want to leave Texas. Just more future dreams, and plans, that probably won't work. I need to start studying on that book again. But I was waiting til I was with Pat, cause she's been helping me with it, and I understand most of it the parts we've been through anyways a little bit better.

I need to go see my dog pretty soon, maybe today hopefully, cause I miss her, I know she's next door but still.

*Yawns...I need coffee, an my back is stiff, so I need to get up and out of this chair pretty soon, I'm so happy and gratiful to who ever that thought of making coffee, that and engery drinks, but mostly coffee.*

I've been playing on my Play station 2 all night, trying to beat this one race, that I've been trying to beat for over three weeks, in Need For Speed: Underground its track 86, Circuit, Terminal Reverse four laps. And its hard, even on easy its hard, hell I was doing better at beating it on Medium then I have been on Easy, I've been trying to beat it on Easy for three weeks, and I finally decided just to see if it would help and play Medium, and I almost won. But then I had to crash into a van. Eh. Somebody wanna come beat it for me? I miss my nephews best friend, he could of probably have it beat within about ten minutes.

I need to clean my room too again, I mean the stuff on the top bunk still hasn't moved. But I picked up everything else, well its a mess again and needs picked up again. I kind of don't miss having a room, besides the privacy factor, I think thats the only thing I really missed about it. But having my own little corner in the boys living room, it never really got messy around my area. Only when the boys decided to litter my desk with crap.

I need to call Larry and Stacy one of these days and see how their doing. I haven't talked to them, in since before I left. I miss everybody down there. I got a Karaoke machine, that Phil gave me, and its still sitting on the shelf on my desk, and it hasn't moved since I moved back into my room. And I honestly doubt it ever will. I don't know. Might get it out for my birthday in twenty-seven days.Then again I don't have any of my songs for it, but maybe two. So I don't know.
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Mood: positive
Music...: He Stopped Loving Her Today - Conway Twitty

n1ghtshade I did it again....fuck... Sep 9th, 2008 3:30:12 am - Subscribe
I've completely fucked up my computer AGAIN!

Stupid Kazaa and wanting to add a billion things to my computer that I didn't want like Anti Virus XP 2008 that I can't fucking uninstall cause the stupid fucking Anti Virus won't let me. Stupid Kazaa, Stupid me for wanting to play World Of War Craft. So now I'm going to have to completely either get Dan to get rid of it, considering my computer won't go do a system restore, unless its back to the point where I installed the stupid fucking Kazaa program. It WON'T let me restore my computer back to BEFORE I installed the fucking program, so I can't get rid of this stupid Anti Virus Program that I didn't even fucking want. So I'm going to see if Joey's on tomorrow and use his Team Viewer thing and see if he can fix my computer.

If not I'm going to have to get him to pull all my music onto his computer (cause he said I would) so I can completely reformat my hard drive, and install window's all over again, and then install everything else. Etc, Yahoo messenger, Msn Messenger, Myspace Im, Aim Pro, Itunes, Sims 2 Deluxe, Sims 2 Pets and Need for speed hot prosuit 2, and then I can't reinstall Zuma, cause my disk is still at Danie's cause I brought it down there, so she could install it on her computer. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity FUCK!

Sorry.

I'm just irratated.
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Mood: pissed off
Music...: Toy Soldiers - Eminem

n1ghtshade Its Fixed Sep 13th, 2008 2:10:45 pm - Subscribe
I talked to Joey this morning, and he spent three and half hours, fixing my computer. And now I got something on here that looks like Vista even though I have XP. I love it happy.gif

And myspace still wouldn't let me log in, and journalspace wouldn't let me post. So he spent the last hour and half fixing that, and come to find out the reason Myspace wouldn't let me in is because Firefox was messing up so now I have Netscape.

Eh as long as it works I don't care.

And Dan's bitching cause we're about to go over our internet thing. Again. And guess who's fault that is? Mine. I didn't do it.

And Mom's bitching cause she says since I came I went straight back to normal. But I didn't but whatever.
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Mood: content

n1ghtshade enter sandman Sep 13th, 2008 2:11:24 pm - Subscribe
I've been reading this one book like (almost) religiously, Enter Sandman, I got it back last month, like a week before I was suppose to come back here, I was almost done with it, when I left, I stopped reading it for a couple weeks, cause I knew. The end was about to come up, and the whole point of the book was about to be told, her story, was about to be told. And I wasn't ready to read it. I picked it up this weekend, and I haven't really been able to put it down to much since. We finally get to the whole reason that Stephanie Williams wrote the book, it has so much insight, so much in it. It is wrote by a woman with breast cancer, and she knew she was going to die, and she wanted to write a book before she died. She did an amazing job of that.

I don't think I'll ever forget this book. Its a recommended read. I recommend it. It gives you some insight to what its like. How it is.

Two of the best reviews.

"Enter Sandman starts out like a chick lit, but as in The Bell Jar, after making you squirm for the protagonist, it whacks you with a sucker punch of tragedy....Destined for a long life in print." ---Don Wallace, Kirkus Reviews.

"Enter Sandman is nothing you'd expect--particularly if you expect a book by a young woman dying of cancer to be depressing or preachy. Stephanie Williams is a young woman with cancer, but the book she's written is funny, feisty, and full of a kind of spirit we would all do well to imitate. Read this and weep, yes, but also laugh and admire. Most of all, just read it."
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Mood: content

n1ghtshade rosa Sep 13th, 2008 2:12:16 pm - Subscribe
So one day a month or so ago, I added an ex and ex I was pretty sure she didn't remember me. She was my very first girlfriend the very first girl I ever wanted to be with, and her name is Rosa. We split though, got back together and split again. We had our problems, we couldn't ever really stay friends, because it would all come down to, I don't think she wanted me to be with anybody but her, an I don't think I wanted her to be with anybody but me, especially not Clara. Anybody but Clara, me, yes me, I loved her, I didn't love her the first time I was with it, it wasn't really until a year later, that I really fell for her, yes I loved her in my own way, but it wasn't until I had lost her completely, that I realized I really did love her.

Part of me is still going to always love her, even more then Eva, in fact I'm not even sure I'm in love with Eva anymore. I know I love Rosa, mostly cause she was my first girlfriend and if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be who I am today, she in some way helped shape me into the person I am today, its hard to explain.

I needed her, an she was there.
Its weird because I've known her a little bit longer then I've known everybody else, and we've fought off and on, we stopped talking, we started talking, we stopped talking, we started talking. I think we knew it was safe, cause we'd eventually go back to each other even if we wasn't together, we was still there for each other.
Every time we stopped talking it'd be right around my birthday or a couple weeks before, that either she'd find me, or I'd find her. It was always like that. And it probably always will be like that.
Its around my birthday again, and she's back, this time I tracked her down, she still hasn't changed id's its still the same, its been since I met her. For that I'm kind of glad, because I don't know what I would do if I couldn't find her.
I don't know, she's always there, even if she isn't there in my life at the time, I know she's there.

Volverte A Amar - Alejandra Guzman
Voy de prisa
Siempre en contra del reloj
Todo lo que vivi nunca fue para mi
Y aunque duele aceptarlo es así
Tonterías
Nos separan a los dos
Una historia sin fin se vuelve a repetir
Y es que se que soy parte de ti
Por que después
De tu amor
Ya no hay nada
Y reconozco el miedo en tu mirada.

Porque
Siempre caígo rendida cuando tu me llamas
Porque
Siempre a cada minuto te vuelvo a extrañar
Eres para mí
Desde que te vi
No te dejo de pensar
Y esque tengo tanto miedo
De volverte a amar.

Volvería
A apostar
Por este amor
A perder la razón
Eres tu la ilusión
Que atrapa mi corazón
Por que después
De tu amor
Ya no hay nada
Y reconozco el miedo en tu mirada.

Porque
Siempre caígo rendida cuando tu me llamas
Porque
Siempre a cada minuto te vuelvo a extrañar
Eres para mí
Desde que te vi
No te dejo de pensar
Y esque tengo tanto miedo
De volverte a amar.

Porque
Siempre caígo rendida cuando tu me llamas
Porque
Siempre a cada minuto te vuelvo a extrañar
Eres para mí
Desde que te vi
No te dejo de pensar
Y esque tengo tanto miedo
Tengo
Tanto, tanto miedo
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Mood: content
Music...: come to my window - melissa etheridge

n1ghtshade What happened last night. Sep 13th, 2008 2:13:23 pm - Subscribe
Originally wrote 9/12 at 6 am

My nephews are here. Danie and Adam, the boys, and Adam's Mom drove up here, because of Hurricane Ike. And I was making Brownies last night, Brownies with Pecans, and Brownies with Mints. And Blake and Connor was helping me, well Connor went back into the livingroom and was watching TV and Blake(who was standing on a stool by the island) had just got done licking out the bowl, and he had Chocolate EVERYWHERE! And so I cleaned him up after my Mom got him to hold still. And so he was still wet and I went to clean out the bowl, and he hugged me, and so I turned around to tickle him and he went running off to the living room (Which is like a couple feet from where I was). And so I took off after him, tripped over the stool (that I had thought they moved).

And I fell, and hit my head EXTREMELY hard on the refrigerator door.

-Mom's Version of what happened-

(I don't remember any of this)

I fell hit my head extremely hard on the refrigerator door, Mom said I was face down, and I didn't even hear her coming towards me, and she lifts me up (and you know her right hand is bad now) and puts me on my back in the enterance of the living room floor. Mom said she was looking through my hair to see if I was bleeding and then Adam got me up, and was still looking to see if Mom had missed anything and to see if I was bleeding, and Mom handed me an Ice pack.

This is what I remember.

I remember turning to tickle Blake taking off to the living room and me tripping over the stool and hitting my head on the refrigerator, (I thought) I had tried getting up, and fell back down and landed on my back on the living room floor, I remember grabbing my head. And it hurting like hell, then I blacked out a couple minutes, and then I remember opening my eyes with Mom and Adam standing over me, and wondering why they was standing over me, then I remember standing and Adam asking me if I okay. And then a few minutes later Mom handing me the ice.

Mom said she told me to take three advil, cause I was going to have a headache a little later and she said it was better to get a jump start on it, (I do not remember) taking the advil cause later on when my head was pounding I asked her if I did, and her and Nannie (Adam's Mom Neva but everybody calls her Nannie) said I did.

This happened at 11 pm last night. It hurt and hurt and hurt, and everything was still a little fuzzy and I couldn't focus on anything, and I was still a little dizzy at 1 am and everybody was going to bed, and I asked Mom if it was okay if I went to bed she said it was, so I curled in a ball on my bed and went to sleep.

Now 6 am everything is still a little fuzzy, my head hurts like hell. And I don't know if I'm dizzy or not, I haven't bothered with standing up yet.

A couple people suggested last night, that I go to the doctor today. And I am going to mention to my Mom that my head is still going nuts, and it is probably best we go get me checked out.

But you know my mother, and having her going through doctors and stuff with her hand, and her on two different medicines and her having to go to therapy. Three times a week, she is not going to WANT to take me. And she has therapy this morning, so after they get back I am going to suggest that we go. Danie an Adam can take me and Mom.

Edit: 7:30 am yes I am dizzy, and my head is hurting a whole lot more then it was an hour ago, I'm debating on taking some advil. I feel like I got ran over by a really really big truck.
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Mood: content

n1ghtshade Subject... title... summary... whatever Sep 13th, 2008 2:14:07 pm - Subscribe
Well its nice having everybody here, even under the circumstances. I wish there wasn't a hurricane though and there is one right behind Ike, I think its called Joesphine. I haven't heard from Carol and Don or Larry and Stacy, or Sandy, so I'm guessing they left, and their fine somewhere.

I called Mom twice this afternoon and it said the service was out, so I waited another thirty minutes and tried it again, and it actually rang this time, so I was hoping she would pick up the phone. And she did, and she said she was at work, and she said she was fine, she said lisa was fine to, and that she promised she would call me tomorrow after the storm and after they got a signal. So their fine, cause I told her, that I wished they had come up here, and I told her they should go ahead and come up, but she said it would be stupid to try and leave now, and get stuck on the highway or something, which as I thought about it as she was talking, yeah it is. So I can only hope that they will be fine, she said she wasn't worried about the storm and they would be fine. I told her I'm scared, and she promised they would be fine, I told her I loved her, and she did her normal "you to kid"

Nothing more I can do but worry.

My head is still hurting, we didn't go to the doctor, yes I said something bout going, and mom said we didn't need to go and I would be fine. She just said it was sore and it probably would be for a while. So we'll see what happens. I took a couple hydrocodone's here a little bit ago, so I'm sure their going to kick in and knock me out, which is going to piss Mom off, but oh well. She's at walmart with Danie right now, and then she's going to come home, and take her Lyrica and then she's going to be going to bed for a while. So it'll be fine. So if I ain't on til late tonight you know that the Hdyrocodone's are working and that I'm okay.

Other then that not much else is going on. I can't sleep on my left side like I always do, cause any pressure on my head and it starts to hurt real bad, so I've been having to sleep on my back or my right side, which I'm not use to. I still can't see straight to well yet.

I miss you Ani, hope you're okay. Love you. -hugs-

Neva said Eminem's as big as Nicki now, and she's full grown, and he's only 3 months old. I think I might talk her into keeping him til we come down there in October then I'm going to bring him home. And Danie said that Nicki has finally made them stop nursing on her. Which is good. She didn't know about Frisky up until last night, and even then I just told her he got sick and Dan took him to the pound and had him put down. Today while Mom was at therapy, I told her the whole story, and I told her that Crystal thinks that Dan just shot him, and I didn't say that I agree with Crystal about the whole thing. But she says Crystal's wrong. But yeah okay.

And the only thing I told the boys was that Frisky got sick and he died. Thats all they need to know.
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Mood: content