Date: Oct 3rd, 2008 2:39:17 am - Subscribe
feels like i'm back in it with this drivers book.
i found be sleeping i'm working or helping out pat tomorrow. what fun. but i'm sure she's going to want this book done by then. so i'm going to have to do it.
Dan is going to be going over seas the first of november if everything goes right, which even though mom says IF it probably will. he has nothing on his record that would say that he couldn't go over there, or anything like that, and i'm sure their needing people in their line of work, and he's only going over there for a year, and apparently him being over there, a year or so, is suppose to get us out of debt.
for the first time in my life, i'm scared about it. what if he doesn't come back? abe's wanting to go over there to, but dan won't let him. and dad he's wanting to over there too. I don't know when or if he will. but its just a year, i keep getting told. its nothing to worry about, i keep getting told, then why am i worried? cause i know their lying, and its going to be more then just a year, its going to be a year of worry and hoping they come back in one piece and alive. it is something to worry about. i told mom if dan does over there, and with abe working nights and dad working late, i'm going to go get sassy, cause i would feel better with a big dog around cause star can't hear to well anymore. so mostly it'll just be me, and my mom. until the weekend. i didn't ask her, i just told her what i was going to do, and that is what i am going to do.
i need things to be okay, i need this NOT to be happening.
I have 30 cuts from Monday healing on my upper left arm, i have 14 cuts on my lower right leg healing, from tonight. its getting bad again, and i can't just stop it. and i made myself throw up twice today. its not as bad as my cutting though, but it'll get there. and i'm trying not to let it. my chest and left ribs, shoulder have been hurting the last 2 days, even the slightest move and it hurts, an its hard to breathe sometimes. i don't know what's wrong, maybe i just slept wrong?
i need people but their not around, i get it, but its like everybody's leaving all at once. and it scares me.
I need for YOU not to yell at me when you read this.
I haven't talked to you otherwise i would of told you. before i put it here, and no i didn't think about calling you, cause i've been out of it lately.
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