yesterday's convo with Hannnah
Date: Jan 29th, 2008 12:08:50 pm - Subscribe
Mood: great
Music...: Nothing Else Matters - Metallica

Hanz Dogz: heya sorry about yesty sweets had a really bad day
Hanz Dogz: i got so pissed yesty i was stupid and fucking cut
Faith: awww
Faith: and its okay just glad your okay -hugs-
Hanz Dogz: am now feel a little better just had really bad dreams
Faith: aww well at least your feeling better
Hanz Dogz: it was just one of them days you know ??
Faith: yeah
Faith: i understand
Hanz Dogz: and you dont know what started it or whats happeing and you can just feel yourself getting angrier and angrier and people start pushing your buttons till your going to snap
Faith: yeah
Hanz Dogz: i did yesty and i told my flatmate off for hounding me just had enough hey
Faith: wow
Hanz Dogz: then i went into the bathroom for a shower to calm down and yeah i was stupid paying for it now my leg is killing me and yeah all good
Faith: well it just happens sometimes
Hanz Dogz: i know and see i was telling you the other night didnt i ??
Hanz Dogz: and you have to stop listening to what people say about you and so do i
Faith: yeah its gonna take some pratice though lol
Hanz Dogz: i have to go to the docs today and i will prob have to get stictches in my leg but ohh well
Faith: yeah thats bad i've never cut that deep before
Hanz Dogz: i know it will matey thats the first time i cutted since my ex and i broke up about 5-6months ago
Faith: wow
Faith: well we both can get back to not doing it for months again -hugs-
Hanz Dogz: sounds like a challenge -hugs-
Faith: does it?
Hanz Dogz: see things have to be pretty fucked up for me too do that and i tell ya yesty i was FAR beyond caring hey
Faith: yeah i know how that goes
Hanz Dogz: i know i came across like a bitch hey and dont say i didnt coz i was
Hanz Dogz: thats y i went offline
Faith: hey its okay, it was good for me lol
Faith: its been a long time since somebody's just told me how it is without trying to cover it up with something
Hanz Dogz: it is but it isnt i know your situation and how hard it is to be talked to like an ass so thats y i thought no hannah get offline before you say something that your going to pay for tomorrow
Faith: yeah
Faith: well everybody else has yelled at me worse then you did yesterday so its okay, plus i knew that you understood what was going on, and you cared so it was just coming from that too
Hanz Dogz: yeah it was
Hanz Dogz: yeah but there yelling is caring abou themselfs not you
Faith: yeah
Hanz Dogz: trying to cover there asses incase something happens to you they did the good thing and said there piece
Faith: yeah they did
Hanz Dogz: you understand my point
Faith: yes
Hanz Dogz: havent had lots of experience but ive had enough to know
Hanz Dogz: people that say they care and yell and scream at you pisses me off hey
Hanz Dogz: and dont really show it yeah i dont know
Faith: yea it does me too lol a couple of them and i've had a few different talks and i think their figuring it out i just can't stop
Faith: and one of them told me i scare her, cause she's had a friend almost like me that died from it
Faith: so see i don't mind you yelling at me, cause i know a lot of the time thats what i need to get through to me lol
Hanz Dogz: see your learning fast
Hanz Dogz: but there is yelling and meaning it and yelling but not caring
Faith: yeah
Faith: well i know you care, so if i needed yelled at feel free to do so
Faith: need*
Hanz Dogz: lol
Hanz Dogz: you never NEED yelling at that doesnt help trust me
Faith: well it helped yesterday
Hanz Dogz: tell me how it helped ??
Faith: idk i was just in one of my moods and you yelling at me and telling me how things was just kind of helped a lot
Hanz Dogz: good im glad i could helpl you understand a little more
Hanz Dogz: now for the peanut dance
Hanz Dogz: lol sorry that was very random
Faith: its okay
Faith: i still don't want to stop cutting on my own though not really i mean yeah part of me does, and part of me doesn't really and i think i need a lil motivation to quit completely
Hanz Dogz: just.....i know this sounds a little stupid but what do you love more then anything in the world that dont cost money to do ?
Faith: writing
Hanz Dogz: well then.....everytime you feel like cutting instead of doing it....write about how it feels and how your going to do it
Hanz Dogz: but refrain from doing it can you try that for me ??
Faith: i can try it
Hanz Dogz: goodo and let me know how it works out
Faith: i will
Hanz Dogz: but you understand what im saying huh?
Faith: yes
Hanz Dogz: see mine was karaoke i know funni but i sang sad songs and how i felt songs
Hanz Dogz: like dixie chicks not ready to make nice
Faith: cool
Faith: thats a good song
Faith: i'm not real good at writing, but i like doing it most then anything else lol
Hanz Dogz: yeah i cant write for shit but thats one good piece of info ive been given hey
Hanz Dogz: just tunnel your cutting pain into something else and you dont do it
Hanz Dogz: see i could yesty and i cut
Faith: yeah
Faith: well we all have times where we slip up so its okay
Hanz Dogz: YES IT IS and you have to except that and if people keep telling you NO NO NO dont do it is going to subconsesly make you want to do it more
Hanz Dogz: for me please dont promise me....all this shit is fucked up ok
Faith: yea it is
Hanz Dogz: see its not omg your hurting yourself please stop its please stop for ME
Faith: yea
Faith: which is why i don't like telling people when it happens, but then they get even madder when they don't know lol
Hanz Dogz: yeah i know
Faith: i wanted to do it a lot more then i did but i kept ignoring it
Hanz Dogz: good but dont always ignore it coz it bottles up try doing something that will still bring that pain out but stop it from being cutting pain
Faith: yea
Faith: yea i got people telling me i need to go to a counseler
Hanz Dogz: thats bullshit im spose to go and i dont
Faith: well i don't really want to, cause i don't really open up to people unless i'm comfortable with them, and i don't want to spend a few hundred bucks just to go and then finally get comfortable with them
Hanz Dogz: yep
Hanz Dogz: well i know im on the other side of the globe but im here to help ive been in the same situation
Faith: i know you are and i'm here to help to if u ever need anything
Hanz Dogz: good as long as we know where each other stands thats great
Faith: yeah it is
Faith: i'm not so much good at the advice thing but i try, but i'm really good at listening
Hanz Dogz: sweet coz i like giving advice hahaha
Faith: cool
Faith: i'm glad i finally told u what was going on
Hanz Dogz: i know im glad you can confide in me feels good
Faith: well i trust you i always have
Hanz Dogz: -smiles- im glad you think that makes me happy
Hanz Dogz: ive never not talk to you i think your awesome
Faith: well i think your awesome too
Hanz Dogz: i think im the only one that calls you lighto still aint i ?
Hanz Dogz: i think im the only one that calls you lighto still aint i ?
Faith: yes
Hanz Dogz: -smiles- sweet
Faith: your the one that started it
Hanz Dogz: lol was i
Faith: yep
Hanz Dogz: shit hey i thought someoe else did
Faith: nope
Faith: you started it, and then it caught on for a little while and then it ended up being u was the only one that would still call me lighto
Hanz Dogz: ohh -blushes- if you dont like it i can stop
Faith: i like it
Hanz Dogz: good -smiles-
Faith: -smiles-
Faith: no one's ever came up with a nick name for me so yeah
Hanz Dogz: im STAVING its like 6.05am
Faith: wow
Hanz Dogz: im thinking of taking a trip down to maccas for sausage and egg mcmuffins with hashbrowns
Hanz Dogz:
Faith: yummy
Faith: i've always liked my lighto nickname -smiles-
Hanz Dogz: goodo ill stick to it
Faith: ok cool
Faith: mom's still sound asleep lol
Faith: wb
Hanz Dogz: sorry went and got breaky yummy
Faith: its ok
Hanz Dogz: sausage and egg mcmuffins with hash browns orange juice and smokes lol
Hanz Dogz: quick death
Faith: yummy
Hanz Dogz: i hope so
Faith: its weird mom wants to quit smoking
Hanz Dogz: its hard let me tell ya
Faith: yeah
Hanz Dogz: hey im going to go for abit and eat this ok
Faith: okies
Hanz Dogz: so chat later??
Faith: okies i'll be here
Hanz Dogz: just think about what i said ok
Faith: i will
Hanz Dogz: love ya lots -hugs-
Faith: love ya too -hugs-
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