wish that every day goes like this.
its awesome to be in a holidayyy
nothing to think about
and plus, i can get my naps anytime i want.
just got back from a trip from singapore.
shopped like hell.
tis the season to be jolly
not really good at singing carols anyway..
happy holidays everyone!~
have been such a long time since the last blog.
nowadays, it seems that 24 hours just doesnt cut it.
the weather is currently cloudy.
the wind is blowing. and blowing.
and i feel like falling asleep.
but i cant.
im having my final exam next week.
and im supposed to be sitting for my entrance exam for NTU on february.
and im no longer sane.
after getting my hands on the syllabus for the entrance exam, i have the weirdest feeling ever.
its this feeling of questioning myself, if i am good enough.
lets just hope i am.
this is the only thing im counting on right now.
bytheway, i had the highest score in class for the last bio test.
..for the light at the end of the tunnel.
school has been hectic-er than before.
am going to do a new course on math a level.
and i have no idea how i'm going to be able to finish it in just 3 months.
god bless us all.
been thinking a lot bout the future lately,
and i dont know...
everything just seems uncertain
for the past 2 months ive been so sure of wanting to go to uni in sydney
but then i just changed my mind.
and now i want to go to singapore.
so currently, i have to prepare for my ialts test in case i wanna go to sydney again, and i have to prepare for my math, chem, and phy a level tests, in case i wanna go to singapore..
when there's a will, there's a way.
i just hope i know mine before its too late.. :/
life moves so quickly, too fast for us to even watch it passes by.
1,5 years ago i went into this classroom expecting nothing short of awful.
its amazing, how classmates can turn into friends. and how can friends turn into family.
extended family; if you like.
i find myself wondering..
how the future is going to be like.
not quite so sure though :/
its overwhelming to think about the times that we've lost.
more overwhelming to think about the times to come.
do you know how when you watch tv and then commercial goes on, and then you switched to another channel,
and then you switched it back to find that the commercial's finished already?
like youve just missed a part of the show.
that part may just be as unimportant as the commercial, that part may be unimportant at all, but that doesnt matter cause you feel like youve missed something.
that is how im feeling right now.
no matter how hard i try to slow down and stop to smell the roses,
i cant seem to wonder, "is there anything that ive missed?"
i find myself questioning a lot of the things i've done quite lately.
just realized that what i want is not to be in love but to fall in love.
i want to feel the feeling of falling.
i miss the feeling my stomach makes when he called, or texted.
i miss those nights when i cant seem to go to sleep cause smiling is the only thing i can do and when my heart beats louder than even the earphones that are jammed in my ears.
but then i remember how all those things bring me back to this one boy.
and how i wont be able to fall in love with anyone else when he's still in my mind.
testing the water becomes harder when youre afraid that there might be sharks hiding.
it becomes harder when youre afraid that you dont get it right this time.
that maybe you have to test it in a whole different swimming pool.
or in a whole different lake.
or maybe even ocean.
"everything happens for a reason, or is that just our reason for everything that happened?"
sometimes, you just need a shoulder to cry on.
moving on is easy, its what you leave behind that makes it so hard.
im just tireddddddddd.
but everything has been a lot of fun.
this is the final year in high school
and you can feel it in the air.
everyone is just living this year like its going out of style.
found a possible quote for the yearbook thing
"just because we argue doesnt mean there's no love
and just because we're not related, doesnt mean we're not family."
went back to school for the first time todayy!
well, it was surprisingly fun to see all the little faces of my friends haha.
excited for august to come haha.
finally back blogging again
the last post was 1 year ago.
how much thing change since that..
last night i went with my mom
cause she has some friends coming over
and theyre bringing their kids along..
and i skipped 2 bday parties.
what a shame.
i had pretty good fun..
this past days have been really lame though.
my mom told me a story yesterday
she said, once her friend asked me when i was still only 3 years old if i wanted to have an eating race with him.
and i said no.
and when my mom's friend asked why..
i told him, "cause im afraid to lose."
in life there are 2 kinds of people.
winners and losers.
losers are so afraid to lose that they wont even try.. :/
i had an awesome one...
thankyou to everyone.
for every wish, every hug, and every comment both on myspace & fs brings me to a little closer to euphoria. haha.
if we have to pay for our friends,
i probably cant afford mine for being just too awesome =)
times like these i just need to rant.
maybe people's expectation are too high.
or maybe im underestimating myself way too much.
school's back in again. fuck that.
been doing physic and chem homeworks for the last gazillion hours.
and i think my speakers are going deaf from the loudness of music i put on.
#9 outta 570 people.
thats what they call me.
well at least they call me that until now.
the thing is, this is more like letting go for the better or worse, i am not so sure.
theyre expecting me to do good. better than last semester. better than last 2 semesters.
whatever they are expecting i am not sure if i am capable of doing it.
what im trying to say, is it better to have it all just to lose it all than to never have it at all?
its like that poem thing, is it better to have loved and lost than to never love at all?
the thing is, i dont ever want to lose anything.
and if killing is needed, id probably do that aswell.
god help me.
P.S: if you cant tell this already. yes im a very revengeful person. and yes. i am plotting something. god. all of you will hate me if you know this.
what i feel now is nothing less than euphoria.
words wouldnt even do them justice.
"sometimes, i feel so full of love that it just come spilling out..."
im so happy. its not even funny anymore. seriously.
how friendship will always be one notch above love and romance is unbelieveable.
oh, and i can ride a bike now so yeah
"we are one, tonight..."
replacing old love with new friendships.
just got home from this trip with the whole class. one word to sum it up: amazing.
so we arrived on out cottage place on thursday. went straight to check out the pool. and pushed 8 or 9 boys into the pool haha. THAT was fun.
had dinner. and then all the girls had this movie-night thing, we watched this film called the nun. wasnt that scary but shocking as hell. after that, we played cards with like 20 people. well that was awesome haha.
slept at 3 am in the morning or something like that and woke up 4 hours later.
on friday me and a couple of other kids (boys AND girls) watched the nba finals (go spurssssssss). yeah the cleveland cavaliers lost. and then played a game of poker, and some other card games. had lunch. played around the pool and I LEARNED HOW TO RIDE A BIKE. and i talked to the boy i am possibly crushing on. anywayzzzzzzz.
wrote this testimonials thing for every kids, and by the time im reading what theyve got to say for me, im crying like a freaking baby, and the boys saw us girls being the crybabies that we are and said that its not a goodbye (aww.)
HAD A BARBEQUE! massive one. chickens, beef saussages, fries, cornnnn, lotsa lotsa thing. WATCHED FIREWORKS! lol, it was basically the sweetest night of my life..
WATCHED AMERICAN PIE. with some boys -__-" that turned out being very weird. talked with the girls until godknowswhen...
and i am here now. on saturday. back at home.
never felt like i have such an awesome family.
replacing the i in live with an o.
love isnt always between a girl and a boy.
it could be between a girl and everyone else in her life. which is the case i am in now.
p.s: im listening to paris hilton. that is proof of happiness
he is the one, and i have to fight this.
he is the one, the villain i cant knock down.
honey i hate you.
shut up and get the fck out of my life, will you?
and for your little btch, shut the fck up, i dont care.
spiderman 3 = awesome movie.
ive got a bad feeling about this.
how great things can come out of unfortunate happenings.
ive seen more love here than anywhere else.
wiser, but never older..
if god is actually listening, then he'd know we've accomplished what we should have in the past months.
if anyone's actually listening, they'd know, we're gonna go big.
"..and i do regret, more than i admit..."
how life can turn around in a blink of an eye is unbelieveable but almost always interesting to see. the horoscope section read "finding new soul mate in the middle of the month." maybe they need to rephrase it as "finding new soul mate next time you see the mirror." maybe i am my own better half. we'll see.
"..and maybe someday, ill make you mine..."
wiser. but never older. funny, how 10 months can change a lot of things. things really happen for a reason. if the past is just the future with the lights on, then maybe i should start watching my back. i cant lie, i really do want the attention. dont you?
which is more lonely, a girl standing by herself, or a girl with all the friends she could ever need, waiting for that one boy to reply her text?
this is pathetic.
are we fooling ourselves?
do we really believe that we can get out of this alive?
so. im going on a holiday.
in 2 dayz!!!
haha see yuh on thursday
then i realized.
this is all just gonna be okay.
thats what friends are for?
heartbreaks are awful at its best,
and at the end of the day..
people are gonna say
"youll be fine."
and after that day.
you start to think..
"ill be fine."
school's kicking my ass again (no surprise on that)
geo exam on tue.
i am doomed for a lifetime of sucking at geography + economics + accounting + history. why why why.
band mode = ON.
not sure if the judging's gonna be fair this time though..
but eh, worth the try?
errm, so yeah i am quite speechless from whats happening all around me.
god finally listen.
no i mean, He finally let something i was hoping for to happen.
gah im happy today
okay, suggestion ltd dj 600 or the ltd ec 500?
i am SO gonna get it for my 16th birthday.
by the time youre looking up, im gonna be playing big stages hahahaha what?!
like teh taste of chaos?
there might be a possibility of me coming to the 2007 international tour
so im counting down the days to holiday.
yeah, basically, a lot in life just suck today.
fck em all.
thats all i can say.
thinking of my 16th birthday though
even tho its still like in 5 months lol
my mom's gonna go off to europe
and my sister's in sydney
so basically no one is here for my birthday
what a sucky thing itll be...
lonely lonely lonely.
"will you still hold me when you see what i have done?"
"please keep your head on the clouds even when your plane has landed."
im trying to.
cant wait to get out of this town.
is there really someone who's been bored-er than i am right now?
if so, then im pretty shocked.
consider im pretty dead right now.
been 3 (or more?) dayz of holiday and the more i have free time on my hands, the more depressed i get.
basically, everything suck.
band is goin..
im not sure where tho.
bio exam on tue.
so this is basically...
my eyes are reading the pages of my bio book but my head, is somewhere else. i dont know i dont know i dont know.
"if you cant get someone out of your head, maybe they are SUPPOSED to be there..."
im going crazy.
i cant even think.
asking if your friends are really your friend is like asking the 1 million dollar question.
and i dont know the answer.
"the more i learn, the more i cant understand"
basically, i just need someone to talk to,
better yet, i need someone to listen
and just shut their mouth for 1 full hour.
"love used to feel like such a waste of emotion.."
oh! does anyone know any good song tho?
im dying for new music