Choppy by non
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I try to be very positive about things. I try to practice what Ayah had taught me, about why should I head-spinningly worry about things which I shouldn't even waste an ounce of time on.

When people ask "How is work?" I always tell them that I am enjoying it. As much as stressful as it can be at times, I still think that I am very much at ease and comfortable with doing it.

However, should I paint the picture on the operations and administration, I think painting a picture of hell would probably describe it better. I've always given people a fair chance to prove themselves before I pass any judgement (ok, maybe not always, but most of the time, when I am in check). I don't look down upon the administrative people. I never have. Even when people left and right were telling me when I started working, that I should be aware of the problems these people can cook up. I was even told about oldwives tales of lady bosses. I hold them in regards like I do on the universal views on stepmothers. I for one believe that whats real and what people like to pass on in stories can sometime be quite different.

So I try to be positive. To be objective. To be impartial.

But it is so hard when people are obvious in doing things that does not make sense. Even with the extensive bureaucracies that exists in the gomen sectors, or the fact there are ass-kissers here and there, I didn't really expect that it would cause all that much problem.

The Big Boss had, since day one I joined, told us, it about integration and multidisciplinary. But when the smaller bosses are so adamant on 'mine mine mine', it is pretty much obsolete to think about integration. One may say that it is healthy to be competitive. I don't think the lady boss understands healthy competition. It is not healthy when you force your staff to be pressured in the wrong way. There is good pressure and there are bad ones. The good ones gives you non stop adrenaline and running like the energizer bunny. Bad pressure gives you headaches and induce procrastination as well as negative view on the boss themselves.

As for the administration....how do you tell someone, to get it in their head that they are not the core part of the organization. It does not make them any less important, but they need to priorities on things and not magnify petty issues as well as acting like they're the pariah of the whole thing and like we do not give them enough credit.

I know that there is a stigma with things done. I don't know why, but I don't think a Utopian organization is achievable. At the same time however, for a new organisation, it should not have been hard to actually start clean and good. A few hiccups and bumps is acceptable. But to have made me actually feel like its a lost case is not really a good way to go about things.

I still love my work. I love the fact that what I am doing is a form of contribution back to the society. I just wish that everyone repriorities their goals and focus and have a well oiled structure of organisation running. I'm sure we can really be the best, and encourage the best there is for all.

Give me strength, make me the strength for others and let me absorb strength from the strong.

Don't play the pathetic act with me by non
13th Apr 2008 @ 11:41 am - Subscribe

I try to refrain from blogging far too often thesedays. It's not all that hard, especially when most of the time I'd be thinking twice about what I actually want to write. When I do start thinking, things would either be too petty to be jotted down, or they just don't feel like they ought be immortalised in forms of written words.

I've resolved issues with my sister. Not by discussion or anything like a heart to heart talk. I talked with mum about it. She advised me to put it behind and not give it much thought. She is right of course. I was already aware of the fact that it was just me being a bit more sensitive. But statements that puts oneself down just because of stature in society, always riled me up. I told mum that if it was some random stranger that talks like that to me, I would loose any form of respect to that person as a human being. Sister is just lucky shes my sister. And the fact that she was joking, saved her neck.

And now I realise that I actually have a really strong feeling about this. I mean, I have always gotten annoyed when people talk about themselves like they're not good enough and whatnots, but only just recently, with my sister's case is when I really saw that it really pissed me off.

I just believe that everyone has equal stature to get the things in life. If they self proclaim that they are not as good as the next person, then they really should crawl back into their timid shell. If you really have the time and thoughts to spout such pathetic and self-pitying words which not only demotivates you, but everyone else around you, then you actually do deserve to be where you are.

So why is it that I get annoyed easily by this? Primarily it is because I rarely judge people by what level of education, money, social stature or anything of that likes. Especially education, and money. Bende ni paliiiiiing pantang kalau orang melebih-lebih.

"Ye lah, awak tu banyak duit, saya ni miskin je"
"Kita ni sekolah pondok je, ko belajar tinggi, boleh la"

What do they really get out of statements like this? Takkan simpati kot? If it were people close to me saying this, and if I wasn't hurt by their statement, I would give them a good sound scolding. To say such to me, is the same as saying that I have been thinking that they are beneath me. Which basically is an insult.

And that is why I don't tolerate when people say that they aren't as good or anything equivalent.

What it is to me. by non
16th Apr 2008 @ 4:55 am - Subscribe

This space is somewhat volatile in my opinion. It is like suddenly finding yourself stranded on an island and not knowing what that island comprises of so you would expect would be like living on a potential volcanic island.

Finding out and acting upon by non
19th Apr 2008 @ 10:26 am - Subscribe

I'm pretty sure I had something really worthwhile to say just now. But I can't recall. I think it was about work. Or something.

Mid of last year, when I knee deep in the busy working pace, I had thought to myself, I'm sure it would cease to be this busy the same time next year. I didn't mean that I'd be slacking or anything like that, but I thought I'd be more organised.

In some ways, I am more organised. But then there are those impromptu acts and decisions that are made, that sometimes throws off all sorts of balance I have acquired in any time. Things looked hectic again. More than one occasion I have wondered whether this would be a normal routine for years to come. I hope not.

I believe in working hard. But I don't believe in working my ass off and not having a balanced life. I don't like feeling like working is all that I do and that I don't have the time for anything else. Using the internet at home is not counted as extra time. That is the reason why thesedays, no matter how tired I am, if there is a slot of time to go out with the family, even for our weekend breakfast, or go for the morning jog, I would force myself to wake up and go. Most of the time, it was just a case of laziness than tiredness. Not missing my Quran recitals, as well as following my usrah schedule has helped me in keeping a very sane and level head. I see a lot less of my group of peightplus, but not less enough that they don't come by and have a drink or chat at my desk.

So all in all, despite the seemingly busy schedule, I think I have it worked out pretty good. It is just the fact that this month is a bit busier than usual. Most of the other month, I'd feel like I have too much time. Something of which I have taken into account to work on and not be so idle-minded. I have some events and works planned out after I'm done with my outings for next week. They include both work and leisure. I intend to work harder and play harder too. InsyaAllah.

Driving out of range by non
26th Apr 2008 @ 1:44 pm - Subscribe

It is a well known fact among the people who knows me that I have never driven on a non expressway farther than 30km radius (or so) of the house. There really have been no need for it either. Throughout my life, Ayah have been the only one to drive when it comes to long distances and off beaten paths^[1].

So, when I was asked to be one of the group leaders to lead a group of young data collectors for red light runners (beating the red lights), there was little to do but go along with the plan. It was an emergency contingency anyways. And despite the fact that we were only asked to collect data throughout Selangor, I still knew I was heading into unknown territory. Things I was sure would look foreign to me.

My locations were like the points on a isosceles triangle, with the base being way way far apart, and all at the very edge of Selangor. Imagine my kalutness. I went off looking for maps at the bookshop (only to find that they didn't have any stock of maps for Selangor, just my luck eh?), I scrutinized google maps, and diligently browsed through google earth. It really made me feel like I was some kind of perfectionist. Which was not what I was trying to be.

I kept on finding locations and pouring myself over maps and routes till late night the day before we were scheduled to go. As far as I can remember, I have never been so well prepared, even when I was going to visit another country altogether. It was a bit exhausting to say the least. But I was confident that I would get to the said location in a jiffy without any trouble.

Oh was I in for a shock.

Part 1
There were five of us. Alang wanted to tag along. A good thing my Waja had problems, so Ibu let us use her car, so there was no problems with space. In fact, because we had too much space, everyone seemed to bring more things than they actually need. A bad case of overpacking (even when I told them to pack light). We headed out to our first location, Jalan Ampang.

We got there fine. Not so on time because we had trouble finding a place to park. Our first trouble was the traffic light. It was a nightmare of a junction, with what seemed like a holding place in the middle, but isn't, due to the yellow box painted there. It was also a staggered junction, which was a nightmare to do traffic count as well as keep in view those who beat the red light.

I was anxious for the girls (my enumerators were all girls) to actually cross the road as each of them had to man one leg of the junction. I kept on telling them to be careful and be aware of the vehicles when crossing. Still I didn't feel safe to breathe before I knew they were safely located on their respective locations.

It was a hot day (didn't stop us from taking pictures)



Hundreds beat the red light there. So basically it was uneventful. We had lunch there, food was good, but service was a tad bland, and it took ages for our food to get ready. Felt sorry for the girls when we did our next shift from 12 to 3pm. It was blazing hot and hazy (I ended up getting a major migraine). Had them drink litres of water. We ended just in time when rain poured down hard.

My next concern was getting to our next location from Ampang.

That proved to be a lot harder than I thought when I took a wrong exit and ended up being in the middle of Kuala Lumpur instead. KL is a no-driving-territory for me. Some motorcyclists even crashed into my side mirror while navigating through a roundabout. Thank goodness nothing bad happened. I ended up being semi lost inside KL, and ended up calling Ibu. No answer. Called L. She got me out of the mess, and onto the E1.

Smooth driving. Too smooth that I felt a tad sleepy. The girls were already fast asleep at the back. My co driver (tagalong sister) I'll bet was trying very hard to keep awake and keep me company.

We managed to find our next location, Simpang Sungai Choh to collect data for the next day. Happy that we found our location, we went ahead to find our lodging for the night. Stopped by some restaurant to buy dinner. Dapat lah beli nasi ayam cekik darah, RM5.00 sebungkus! Mahal sungguh. We continued our journey to find the Commonwealth Park and Forest Resort in high spirits. Mostly because we knew we would be able to drench ourself in cool showers, and then sink ourselves into sweet beds.

We got lost again. I was sure we followed the map right. But it seemed that I had missed a cross junction because I hadn't realised it was a separate gradient cross junction. Bleh. I ended up going out back onto the E1, having to make double back, onto the right track.

I had no idea what this resort was like. Even though I knew not to take the internet at face value, I was not prepared for the trails and scenes that greeted me.

It was amidst Hutan Lipur Kanching. Even the entrance was a bit shady (and this does not refer to tree shades either). It turned out that the only way to get there was via this one small inclined road that went up in a skewered sort of way, with the edge looking down into a ravine of some sort. I may have imagined it, but it really did look like I was heading straight for some haunted house.

When we actually got to the top, I exhaled loudly after seemingly holding my breath driving up. Dead afraid that some car or truck might be coming down the opposite way I was. Nobody was at the reception counter. It turned out the calls I had made to the 'office' was in fact the head office somewhere in KL. They were the one who had directed me there, and there was nobody to greet me at the door. I was more pissed rather than scared. Managed to find the person in charge though. We got our keys. There was no breakfast. Just lodging.

We rode up further. This was what it looked like, and we were the only ones there.



Surprisingly, the rooms were very clean. And very comfortable. The water was good and fast. There were no water boilers facilities, nor iron, but that was ok. I was fine with it, scariness and all. Heh.

cont. Part 2
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[1] Off beaten - this does not refer to dirt road or anything as uncultured (), it is in fact a reference of mine to minor roads that looks a bit old and have no visible road names on them....they make me go round in circles most of the time.