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me: how are you? him: good. me: things at work? him: awesome. me: could we spend New Year's day together? him: can't, working. sorry. double-time pay! me: right. very nice. him: just a moment. me: okay. (...) me: hello? him: oh, hi. me: I don't suppose you'd want to get together - him: for New Year's eve? me: er, yeah. him: love to. me: really? him: if plans with friends fall through. me: oh. oh, yeah. him: I'll let you know. me: okay. him: (in background) what is this? me: hello? him: Jessie! me: hello? are you there? him: what did you put in this? me: hello? him: Jessie, can you please make me a real coffee? me: hi? him: oh, hey, sorry. the girls here are teasing me. me: yeah. it's okay. him: break is over. I should go. me: oh. okay. him: bye. love you. me: love you too. have fun. him: don't be jealous. me: I'm not. him: bye, you. me: bye. it isn't that I doubt you love me. it isn't even that I know I'm less than she is. it's only this: I know that you depend on me about half as much as I lean on you and I'm sorry I hold on too tight I'm sorry I'm bad at letting go it's only that I know if I'm to do something good in this world, I'm to do it alone forgive me my treacherous thoughts for questioning you, entertaining doubts where I desire to be held down in one place, I find that I am free and it all comes back to solitaire: I must depend on me. |
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from here on, I remove myself from all duties of worrying for your sake. I will care, but from a distance; live and let live they say. I abdicate the self-inflicted position of wet blanket I don't want it anymore. I'll do what I want and let you worry about me for a change. I will live my own life I will not cling to yours. and never - never- again will I hold you back. |