Jessica.
Date: 01 January 2007 22:47:47 - Subscribe
Mood: inadequate.
Jessica
likes to talk and laugh.
Jessica
has pretty, dark hair.
her eyes dance even
in incandescent light.
I'm sorry
I'm always so sad
I know you'd like
to see me laugh.
Jessica
rolls with life.
Jessica
doesn't scream inside.
and she'll play your
video games with you.
I wish things'd
just bounce off me;
for you I'd become
the best thing I can be.
but Jessica
is twenty-three
she's worldly and wise -
I am only sixteen.
she likes you 'cause
you find her refreshing.
my inconsistant feelings
and inconsiderate
idiosyncracies
differ me from Jessica.
I look away
where she'd smile
and she's battled through places
where I was too fragile
and Jessica always
says what she means
I don't see why
I ought to have any hope
but when you look at me
why don't you seem to see that
I will never be
anything like
Jessica?
And why don't you mind?
Comments: (1)
abdication.
Date: 30 December 2006 01:58:27 - Subscribe
Mood: fed up.
from here on,
I remove myself
from all duties
of worrying for your sake.
I will care,
but from a distance;
live and let live
they say.
I abdicate
the self-inflicted position
of wet blanket
I don't want it anymore.
I'll do what I want
and let you
worry about me
for a change.
I will live
my own life
I will not cling
to yours.
and never -
never-
again will I
hold you back.
Comments: (2)
poetry in real-time
Date: 29 December 2006 00:09:25 - Subscribe
Mood: lonely.
me: how are you?
him: good.
me: things at work?
him: awesome.
me: could we spend New Year's day together?
him: can't, working. sorry. double-time pay!
me: right. very nice.
him: just a moment.
me: okay.
(...)
me: hello?
him: oh, hi.
me: I don't suppose you'd want to get together -
him: for New Year's eve?
me: er, yeah.
him: love to.
me: really?
him: if plans with friends fall through.
me: oh. oh, yeah.
him: I'll let you know.
me: okay.
him: (in background) what is this?
me: hello?
him: Jessie!
me: hello? are you there?
him: what did you put in this?
me: hello?
him: Jessie, can you please make me a real coffee?
me: hi?
him: oh, hey, sorry. the girls here are teasing me.
me: yeah. it's okay.
him: break is over. I should go.
me: oh. okay.
him: bye. love you.
me: love you too. have fun.
him: don't be jealous.
me: I'm not.
him: bye, you.
me: bye.
it isn't that
I doubt you love me.
it isn't even
that I know I'm less than she is.
it's only this:
I know that you depend on me
about half as much
as I lean on you
and I'm sorry
I hold on too tight
I'm sorry
I'm bad at letting go
it's only that I know
if I'm to do something good
in this world,
I'm to do it alone
forgive me my
treacherous thoughts
for questioning you,
entertaining doubts
where I desire
to be held down
in one place,
I find that I am free
and it all comes back
to solitaire:
I must depend
on me.
Comments: (3)